November (Project Winter Solstice)

November

"Remember remember, the fifth of November." I whispered as I touched my hand to my lips. Dry, cracked, in desperate need of moisture. The salty drops that touched them did little to quench their thirst. I wiped my mouth once more, breathing in the stillness of the fog dampened earth. It was the one comfort I had. Each breath settled deep within my lungs and cooled the raging heat inside of me.

I wrapped the worn quilt tighter around me, gazing out at my family's land. The white paint on the barn was faded and peeling. Multicolored leaves floated peacefully to the ground. The field was overgrown with dead plant life and bowed to the forest that all-encompassed our property. Picturesque mountains rose up behind the trees, the tips covered in white.

That tree line was the end of what we called ours. All ten acres of beautiful farmland we'd once grown corn and wheat on. Now, just six horses dotted the hill ahead of me, standing close together amidst the frost chilled air. Why they liked to leave the warmth of the heated barn to wander the pasture in the snow beat me.

Generations ago we owned hundreds of acres in the tiny town of Frostlake, Wisconsin. That was before...

A shadow flitted between the evergreens sitting just beyond the barbed wire fence.

"Fucking fae," I muttered under my breath and sighed. A flash of dark hair and pale skin was the only sight my eyes focused on. Of course he’d be here. I growled low in my chest.

The quilt tumbled from my shoulders when I stepped out onto a fresh coating of snow. My heavy rubber boots thudded over spots of cracking ice, the sound like broken glass in the serene silence.

I paused over the well to check the horse's outdoor water. As I assumed, a thick sheet of ice glazed the top. I grabbed the end of the shovel leaning against the gate and brought it down hard onto the surface. A couple good whacks and the ice split into fragments.

I spent the early morning hours mucking out the stalls and tending to the chickens in their coop. The rooster made a loud clucking noise when I moved too close to his royal presence.

"Bite me and I'll cook you." I warned. The bastard never seemed to calm to my presence. I gathered the eggs in my basket and made my way to the fence. The metal gate creaked open. My feet hit the forest land and a deep chill crawled down my back. Despite the frigid temperatures, my skin was slick with sweat.

"One tree, two trees, three trees, four." I whispered aloud. It was ridiculous having such anxiety traversing the fae lands. I'd been doing this my whole life, and yet I still recalled the danger if I ventured out too far.

A faction of ancient fae created by the Atlantean pantheon moved back to Frostlake over twenty years ago, taking back lands that’d once been theirs. The townsfolk fought back, like humans do, refusing to relinquish control. The fae weren't so forgiving and wreaked havoc on their homes and people. Many went “missing” or were severely harmed.

To say our small town war was short lived would be an understatement. Our people folded like cheap suits, gave over the lands the fae wanted, and formed an agreement. As long as we respected their lands and left them alone, they’d do the same in return. For the most part there was ongoing peace. That didn't stop some fae from breaking the rules and screwing with our livestock or properties. Mainly harmless pranks or minor irritations. But since the fae were the ultimate authority on fairness in our town, it often went unpunished.

I knelt down before the fourth evergreen, thankful not to feel the cold through my insulated jeans.

"Why do you insist on leaving weekly offerings? I'm pretty much the only one gathering them anyways." Tavyn's warm voice asked.

"You know perfectly well why." I grunted as I assembled the gifts onto the small altar my great grandfather built. A small wooden platform nestled against the bark. The scent of freshly baked bread wafted on the breeze and beside it sat a mason jar of milk from the neighbor's dairy cows. I lined up a few eggs and added a silver trinket from my jewelry box. A dragonfly pendant with real sapphire gems as the eyes. I never wore the gaudy thing, but I knew the fae treasured the symbolism.

"I could just tell the High Counsel that you set out your weekly offerings and they'd issue the decree to leave your property alone. Easy peasy."

I tilted my head towards my best friend. Tavyn touched the auburn scruff on their chin, large pale brown eyes gazing innocently at me. "You know this forest has eyes and ears everywhere. I'm not cheating and getting screwed in the ass for it."

"I'm pretty sure no one would literally screw your ass, Khione. But I see your point. I try to keep the stragglers at bay, but there's only so much I can do being a lesser fae." Tavyn didn't see their worth, which always irked me. Sure, they didn't have a high position in the fae community that lived in Frostlake’s forests. But they were the greatest friend I'd ever had. A bizarre duo we made; a human screw up and a wise cracking centaur, but then that's what we were. It didn't need to make sense on paper.

"I made a pact with the sirens last month, allowing them to dance in my pasture during the full moon. Ever since then things have been quieter around here. But every time I see shadows in the forest I know it's a matter of time before others try to fuck with me again."

Their dark brows bunched together in confusion. "You feeling alright?"

"No," I spat. "I'm about to head to Charlotte's office."

"Don't you see her once a month?" The question was innocent enough, but I knew what they were really asking. Why was I seeing my counselor a week after I saw her last?

I deposited the rest of the items on the altar and rose to my feet. They followed alongside me, pausing beside my car.

"Can we not have this conversation?" I made unattractive grunting noises scraping the ice from my windshield.

"You know, we don't really have mental illness. Or at least - I don't think so. If we have a problem in life, we drink some spiceberry wine and get the hell over it."

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks, Tavyn. The perfect thing to say to a severely depressed human." I made sure to slam the car door dramatically.

"But aren't you often depressed? How am I supposed to know when to tread lightly around you?" Their voice was lighter, the sound muffled. The sucky, but almost endearing quality about most fae is that they didn't always realize when they were being rude. Or perhaps they didn't care. Either way, I didn't take it personally.

"Well, that's what I'm trying to fix." I blew them a kiss and backed my POS car out of the long stretch of gravel.

***

I arrived to the office party late, thanks to my last minute session with Charlotte.

"You were supposed to dress up." My work wife's melodic voice sounded strained. I noted the sharp tips of Briony's long ears and flawless facial features. Golden waves spilled over her shoulders. Lucky elven bitch.

"I am dressed up." I pointed to the flannel sweater, leggings, and boots I wore.

"You drive me up a wall, Khione." She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside the only nice hotel Frostlake had to offer. She rather forcibly escorted me into the reception hall, once again forgetting her elven strength.

Looks like the company spent some money this year, I thought, noting the Thanksgiving decorations covering every inch of the elegant hall. Tables decorated in candles, fall foliage, cornucopias, and Christmas trees sporadically placed throughout. Even the chandeliers overhead crawled with fake autumn leaves.

"Hey, how was Charlotte?" Tavyn wore their best human glamour, although we all knew what their true form was. Their four limbs were notably absent, instead donning a tall elven appearance, nice button down shirt, sports jacket, and slacks. Even their chin length, chestnut hair was slicked back.

I shrugged nonchalantly and accepted a glass of wine from Briony. Tavyn's left brow rose, as if to question the decision to drink knowing all of the medication I was on. In defiance, I quickly finished it.

"I can't believe the company is doing business with the Shadow King now. You know, that's why they shelled out for the better venue this year. They knew he was coming." I followed Briony's gaze to a group entering the hall. That topic drew everyone's attention.

Ah yes, the aloof yet pompous King of the Shadow Court who had a well-known dislike for humans. I despised the way his odd diamond colored eyes observed us like we were no more than a speck of dust on his shoes. For hating human kind, he was sure dressed like one in an expensive suit that probably cost more than I made in a year.

"What sort of business can they possibly be doing? I always see His Serene Assness hanging around my property." I clinked my nail on the rim of the glass in annoyance. A large smile consumed his stupidly perfect face, and my pathetic stomach flipped in response.

"Wait, you've seen Ash, the Shadow King, around Wolfpen Hollow?" Tavyn's eyes widened. Briony leaned in expectantly.

"Yeah, it's gotta be him. He usually travels with a harem of lady fae and disappears into my forest. Excuse me, the fae's forest." It once was my family's land but that time was long gone.

"Oh yeah, I heard he's working with the siren faction over in your area. Something about expanding his property line." Briony commented.

"He's not taking anymore of my fucking land." Tavyn choked on their drink at my harsh words.

"Let's go over there and introduce ourselves. He's hot as hell." Briony gushed. After more than two decades of the fae coexisting with our town, many seemed more human than fae. My work wife definitely fell under that category.

"Nah, I'm good. You guys go." I waved them off. Briony didn't need to be told twice. She had a hold of Tavyn's arm and hauled them over to the group conversing with the Shadow King.

Hours waned late into the night as laughter filled the room. I sat at an outer table alone with another glass of wine watching the commotion. Most of my coworkers were intoxicated, humans and fae mixing casually. Genuine mirth shined in their eyes.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinking back tears. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's the "best time of the year" yet my mind decides now is the time to pull this shit?

"Care to dance?" I barely registered the words before I turned to the voice.

"Shadow King," I muttered.

"Ash is fine."

I bet it is, you big prick.

“No, I'd like not to dance, thank you very much." I stumbled to my feet and glared up at the man. Wow, he was much taller than me. Shit, perhaps mixing antidepressants with alcohol wasn't a smart move. My legs shook. "What I'd like to know is why you're always creeping around my property?"

"Your property?" He mused, brushing a pale hand through pitch black hair. "You realize I never step foot over the fence line."

"Perhaps not. But that doesn't stop you from watching the sirens dance under the moonlight every month. I see you, you know, standing there ogling them like a creep. Hell, I saw you today!"

"Oh I see, you're one of those humans who can't hold their liquor. Perhaps a dance for another night." He turned to leave.

My snappish words finally dawned on me and who I spoke to. I smoothed my shirt and grabbed his arm. His forearm clenched underneath my touch. "Look, I heard about the expansion. I'm touchy about my family's land. It was left to me after my parents passed. I'd hate to lose more of their legacy in my care."

"I go to your property because I have business there, not that it's any concern of yours. As for the “siren ogling”, I could give a shit less about their naked full moon rituals." There was a defensive growl in his liquid velvet voice. "I'm there for the scenery. It's one of the only open pastures not taken over by buildings or trees. It gives a perfect view of the moon and the mountains. I’d ask what you’re doing every full moon but I see we both know."

He paused, his crystal eyes searing me alive. "Staring at me." The sentence hovered above us in a honeyed smoke voice, curling around my mind seductively. My mouth parted but no witty reply came. I released the breath I'd withheld, my skin heating at the satisfied look on his face. A smirk claimed his features before he left me at the table and exited the hall.

***

I called into work the rest of the week. They knew the drill. I'd give them the note from my counselor stating I was useless for the next week and the boss – who’d known me since I was a baby – gave me a pass. It helped that the sweet older lady was a close friend of the family.

I specifically chose to work there for the flexibility. Living with cyclothymia was killer. Weeks or maybe a few months passed without incident. Then, BAM. An episode knocked me on my ass for two weeks or more.

The blackout curtains gave off the impression that I was in a cocoon. It was daylight outside, yet my room was black as night. I'd been laying in bed all morning, watching the hand tick by on the clock. It haunted me, reminding me that the day wasted away while I lay paralyzed. Breathing felt like a chore. Each one was laced with anxiety and tension. I had no fucking reason to feel this way. No reason why I seemingly drowned under the weight of the world. Yet there I was. Suffocating nonetheless.

A knock at the window made me jump. "Go away, Tav!" I hollered from under my fortress of blankets.

"It's not Tav." The Shadow King's distinct voice had me jolting out of my skin. I threw on a hoodie and what I hoped were a clean pair of leggings on the floor. There was barely time to shove my feet in my snow boots before a knock rapped on the front door. I tripped over the vacuum cord before finally reaching it and swinging it open.

"Why are you on my property? I have a legal right to shoot your balls off for stepping foot on my land without arranging it first." I tilted the shotgun in his view, the one I kept by the front door for occasions such as this.

"Why do you look like you just rolled out of bed?"

"Again, why are you here, Ash?"

"I have a proposition for you."

"Pass."

He wedged his foot in the door, stopping me from slamming it in his all too attractive face.

"I'll make sure no one ever messes with your property again. No pranks, no scaring you or the livestock, and I'll let you have the land that your little friend Tavyn lives on. You could venture into that part of the forest by the iced pond and no one would dare disturb you. Save for Tavyn, but I assume you don't mind that."

My ears perked up at this. "What's in it for you?"

"Full moon is Friday."

"You want onto my property once a month to watch the moon?"

"Of course not. I intend to perform a ritual under the full moon, but yes, every month."

I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest as I considered his offer. His nearly transparent eyes glittered in hope. I growled but stuck my hand out anyway. "Pending a contract signed with lawyers, you have a deal."

He produced a stack of papers out of thin air. "Have your lawyers get back to me before Friday." He settled them into my hands, fingertips brushing mine. The gesture was innocent enough, but it still sent chills down my back.

I wrenched the papers, and my hands, away, ignoring the perpetual smirk on his pleased face.

Friday evening fast approached. I cleared the property of fallen branches and debris from the snowstorms in anticipation of the Shadow King's arrival. We may have signed contracts, but I intended to see exactly what he planned to do on my land once a month.

"Maybe he just wants a place to perform monthly orgies." Tavyn suggested.

"Right." I groaned. "Hopefully that's all it is." My eyes closed amidst the golden sunset hour, taking in the clean scent of snow and rich earthy evergreens. It'd been years since I breathed in the natural smells of the forest without fae laughter accompanying the experience.

Usually the fae glamoured their homes and cities, which was partly why humans weren't allowed here. Accidentally tripping onto someone's invisible front porch wasn't ideal.

Tavyn didn't mind me seeing their rustic home. The exterior made of shimmering dryad wood, in shades of chocolate brown and golden dust. Blue ribbons of crystal ran the length of the wood, pulsing with life. Vines crawled over the house, blooming with crimson flowers I never knew existed. They thrived despite the deadness of winter. The home had no windows or doors, as was customary in Atlantean tradition.

Together we sat on their front porch, watching the glassy pond.

"Well, I better be heading back. I have binoculars and I fully intend to spy on this drunken orgy fest." I teased, skipping down the front steps to embrace the elements.

"I'll walk you home. Ash may have made an iron clad deal, but until word fully spreads I don't want some asshat chopping off a lock of your pretty black hair or tripping you down a ravine."

"Aww, sounds like you love me a little." I bumped their side, not phased by their unglamoured form. They smiled down at me from their towering height, horse hooves creating a clip clop sound over patches of ice.

"No shit sherlock."

I laughed at how human they sounded. "Well, the feeling is mutual."

"You worry me, you know? All alone in that massive house, going through another depressive episode."

We paused at the barbed wire fence separating the two properties. "If I ever need you, I promise I'll text you."

"Good, take care of yourself, Khione. And I will be taking down this fucking part of the fence, you hear me? You're welcome in our part of the forest anytime."

"Our part of the forest?" I blinked back tears.

"Yes. Ours. Since we were kids." They bent down to place a kiss on my forehead, which was quite the feat from their impressive height to my human shortness.

I felt their absence as I treaded slowly through lifeless vegetation. A deep sense that I was truly and utterly alone crept back in, as it always did.

I returned to the massive A-line log cabin my family built centuries ago. Now it was too "depressing" for the others to congregate here. Some still harbored a bitter jealousy that my parents left everything to me and not them.

Once inside, I poured myself a glass of sparkling cider, non alcoholic. The sun finally slipped beneath the mountains and the full moon slowly ascended into the crisp, indigo sky.

I lounged on the porch swing, watching from the deck as Ash entered the empty pasture in the distance. A chill gripped my spine when he lifted his shirt over his head.

"Oh give me a break," I whispered, a puff of white blowing from my lips.

He gathered enough firewood for a massive bonfire. Shadows snaked out from his skin, floating listlessly around his leather clad form. Fire blazed to life in the wood pile, illuminating him. He wasn't even wearing shoes while circling it, whispering. In his hands was a knife, black handle, silver blade with the same vibrant blue crystal of Tavyn's home running down the side. He pointed the blade outwards, sideways, behind him, and above him. Each time he paused to murmur something incoherent.

A gentle note lifted overhead, mixing with the stars. I frowned when I realized the hauntingly beautiful sound came from him. He sang low, honey smooth words in Atlantean, the language foreign but rolling off his tongue in silky curves.

A deep longing or perhaps a latent sadness poured from him, and when he began to dance around the growing flames I found myself rising into the night.

He sang of heartbreak. Loss. Rage. I didn't know how, but I heard it from within me. Felt it in my bones like an ache one can't escape. My sadness recognized his sadness. My eyes were glued to the binoculars as he continued to dance and sing.

For hours he must have danced. His lean muscled body moving in a sensual way that made my throat thirst for water.

I finally ventured out towards the decreasing bonfire, taking care to step on every loud twig to announce my presence.

"What kind of ritual is this?"

His eyes seemed to glow when they met mine. I took a step back, biting my lower lip. He bent down and made circles in the snow with the blade.

"Just honoring my homeland." The words were husky, dripping in satin smoke.

Gods, did he have to talk like that? Like his mouth savored and deliberately caressed every word he spoke?

"The song was beautiful. Saddening, but beautiful."

"Love often is. To love is to bear one's true self to heartbreak." I didn't expect such meaningful talk from an aloof, haughty man.

"You still miss Atlantis that much? Hasn't it been centuries?"

He scoffed, dark eyebrows rising to scold me. "Tell me, would you still mourn if you watched flood waters rush into this place and destroy everything you hold dear? Friends, lovers, the land you feel connected to? Would you hate the humans for their jealousy and hatred that pushed their gods to take what is yours?"

"Of course I would. I'd bring them to their knees for destroying my home and loved ones."

That answer seemed to satisfy him, the tension in his broad shoulders weakened. "You never told me your name."

"Khione."

"Greek Goddness of Snow. Seems appropriate." He mumbled.

I shifted my feet anxiously, unaware of what to say next. His presence left me puzzled, irritated, and on fire. "Well, I'll leave you to it."

"There's sadness all around you, Khione."

I paused. "Sadness drew me to your song. It's something we seem to share."

Then he stood before me. Fire light flickered across his bare chest and torso. "I heard the rumors around town. Your family perished in a car accident and you survived."

I nodded, "Five years ago Thanksgiving day."

"You tried to harm yourself, spent time in the hospital. Tavyn stayed with you awhile afterwards."

"Gotta love that my deepest shit is still shared like trivial gossip." I shook my head, anger bubbling under my skin. "Do they also speak of me before the crash? The numerous hospital stents? I was fucked well before it happened. Something has always been wrong with my brain. A sickness, you could say."

"No, they don't speak of that." He stroked his chin thoughtfully. A few silent beats passed between us, his face focused directly on mine.

Finally, he responded, "I don't know if humans fully grasp what each fae court represents. Mine is for the outcasts. The in-betweeners. Those that don't play by the rules. Those that don't belong anywhere. Sounds like your kind of place, if you were fae, of course."

"Of course." I rolled my eyes, ignoring the sting of rejection. "It's fine, Ash. Your kind has every right to despise us. I know what I am and I'm okay with that. I am broken, long before the world took my family and deepened the pain my mind already faced. I'm used to belonging nowhere. Enjoy the rest of your night." Refusing to await a response, I turned on my heel and fled to the safety of my cocoon.

***

I blinked rapidly, trying to remember the last time my family was together for a holiday. Thanksgiving was still two weeks away, but that didn't stop my cousins from throwing a holiday pre-party at the only bar in town. An industrial loft. The exposed ductwork and pipes were decorated by twinkling Christmas lights. They lit up the bar in soft light, highlighting the honey maple hardwood floors.

I barely recalled the effort I put stumbling in the shower, encouraged by Tavyn's gentle hand. They and Briony had joined me in the massive shower, fully clothed, forcing me to scrub days worth of grime off my body. I wished I could hate this part of depression, the not caring if I ate or showered or cared for myself.

My black hair shined in slight waves thanks to Briony's straight iron. My face had a light coating of cosmetics applied to it, mocha brown eyes highlighted by black kohl and plum shadow. I actually appeared put together for once. Nice blouse, floral skirt, and heels giving off the impression that I actually gave a shit what I looked like.

It was all a lie, of course. A pretty painting, a facade meant to distract and quell the gossiping. I'd hoped it might elevate the crushing despair inside me.

It did not.

Luckily, the party consisted of my same age cousins and the mixture of friends we all grew up with, human and fae alike. I still had time to prepare for the big Thanksgiving event with my older aunts, uncles, and grandparents who'd undoubtedly pepper me with well-meaning but intrusive questions about my life. All my cousins wanted to do was fellowship and drink. I was down with that.

Tav handed me a glass of sparkling cider. I didn't even need to take a sip to know that's what they’d gotten me.

"How have you been, Khione?" My cousin Callie asked.

"Uh uh," I wagged my finger at her. "Leave the questions for Thanksgiving. Your mom can ask me then."

Callie chuckled, "I don't report back to my mother and you know it. Now spill. You haven't texted me in two weeks. I missed you."

"I'm struggling, Cal. You know the drill. We're just close to the anniversary of the accident is all." Memories flashed in my head. Screeching tires, shattering glass, my mother's gasp as our car skidded over black ice and slammed into the other vehicle.

"Khione?" The Shadow King's voice brought me back from the past. I unhooked my fingers from the plastic chair. My heart still thundered in my chest from the flashback. I finally lifted my chin to meet his gaze.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"I was invited by your cousin Davina. I didn't realize we had so many intermingling connections."

"Where's the bathroom, Cal?" I immediately pushed my chair back and jumped to my feet.

"Go down that hall and turn right, first door on your left."

I quickly excused myself from the situation and escaped into the empty, dark hallway.

"One, two, three, four." I whispered, counting each slow breath I took. The sound of impending footsteps had me groaning. "You hate humans."

"I do." Ash answered.

I glared up at him. "Then why are you here?"

"I don't know," he snapped.

Surely he hadn't come knowing I'd be here? That was crazy, right? 

"Did you truly just accept an invitation or did you come only because you knew I'd be here?"

His face never left mine, but he didn't answer. I knew that he couldn't. The realization settled over me like the stifling heat of a sauna.

I made the first move, nearing his front and placing my hands on his chest. His body stiffened, but he didn't reject my advancement.

Seconds passed as we stood there, gazing hard at each other.

He shocked me then. His hands gingerly cupped my cheeks with as much care as he could muster. I half expected his touch to be harsh. His crystalline eyes fought himself, filled with confusion and desire.

"You said you were sick, that your brain has something wrong with it."

I nodded, swallowing uneasily.

"Listen to me, Khione, you are not broken. You are not pottery. You're not a thing, a fragile object, in need of fixing. You're a person."

Tears swam in my eyes as his words bounced around inside my brain. "Why do you care? I'm the enemy, remember? Not even worthy of your court, no matter how much I would belong there."

"It's a stupid fae thing, but I  can feel the pain inside of you. I recognize it as I would recognize my own. It calls out to me."

"I know, I read about it. Ashalowen, right? That weird fae thing that connects you to each other and let's you see the world as it is?"

"Essentially." He didn't seem happy about that fact. Or maybe it was that he didn't like that he felt connected to a human. To me.

"I want to kiss you, and that infuriates me." I admitted.

He pressed me against the wall and exhaled noisily. "The feeling is mutual, ma laeon."

"Ma laeon?" I gulped at the feeling of his body pinning me to the wall. It was a warm, delicious sensation.

"Little fighter." He rested his forehead on mine.

"Ash, I have a pattern with men. I lose myself in them. I take on their habits, their interests, their lifestyles. I mold myself to what they want me to be in order to never be alone. But the end result is always the same." Surely he would run for the hills. What sane person wouldn't?

"And I drive away everyone that I've ever loved." He murmured, fingertips grazing my mouth. "I become distant and moody. Unable to move past my own bullshit...I would destroy you."

The mutually disheartening agreement passed between us; we could never be. He was fae. I was human. He was a mercurial King to the Shadows. And I was a failing human destined to repeat cycles of semi-stability.

I saw the next few weeks in my head as we watched one another. His naked skin draped over mine, shadows and flames scorching us. His hands and lips traveling the secrets of my body, discovering every hidden treasure. We'd never leave the safety of my cocoon, exposing us to the world. I'd fall for him in the way a drug addict falls for their addiction. He would love the attention I could offer him, satisfied by how good I'd make him feel. I'd learn about his world and dive head first into its politics. He would isolate me from the humans he despised.

But then my affections would become too much. Or maybe I found myself in the pit of despair once again. Either way, he’d withdraw from me, from the dysfunction and the intensity that scared him. Perhaps before I became too clingy or maybe he'd survive longer than that.

But then my eyes opened. Weeks hadn't passed. Time hadn't moved. We still hovered in the uncomfortable moments of now.

He backed away from me. I felt the absence of his touch like the sun slipping behind storm clouds.

"Are you coming, Khione?" Tavyn's voice called down the hallway. "Callie wants to serve the food. We're waiting."

I stepped around the Shadow King and looped my arm through Tav's.

"I expect a full report later. You're not getting out of it." They whisper-hissed once we put distance between us and Ash.

"I wouldn't dream of it." I winked and plastered a grin on my face for the cousins.

***

Two Weeks Later, Thanksgiving Day

It was if I’d awakened from a dream. A foggy haze that kept me shackled to hopelessness. But now I could breathe again. There wasn't a reason why the depression was suddenly over. It just was.

It’d come back again, it always did. But at least now it was finished and I'd emerged from my cocoon like a bear from hibernation. A little chubby, hairy, and hungry, but alive and finally warm.

I leaned over the sink to slick on dark plum lipstick and then fluffed my hair. My reflection was clearer than it'd been in weeks. My eyes were vibrant, well rested, and my face didn't seem broken in two by the weight of the world. It was the anniversary of the accident, but I'd showered that morning. I actually cooked breakfast and read a chapter of a book for my own enjoyment.

More than that, I was hosting the first ever Thanksgiving event at my cabin in five years. Tavyn and Briony helped me cook all morning, even Callie and a few of the other cousins came over early to offer their help.

The house overflowed with the various scents of the holiday; savory turkey, warm pumpkin spice, and seasoned potatoes.

"Hey, you done in here?" Tavyn's voice floated down the hall as they neared my door.

"Yep! What do you think?" I chirped, hands on my hips.

"Hot damn, woman." They grinned at me in the doorway. I was confident in my own skin for once, dressing not how my family expected of me, but a hundred percent me. Thigh high leather boots, ripped fishnet stockings, and a tight black dress. I touched the pentacle choker at my neck.

"I can't wait to see Aunt Nora's face."

"You're a saucy bitch, ya know that?" They laughed along with me and extended their hand.

"I'm damn proud of it, too." I accepted it and allowed them to lead me down the impossibly long hallway.

"Oh my gods, you look hot!" Briony was one to talk, looking like a damn runway model. But my mind was clear enough to acknowledge her otherworldly beauty and not downplay my own.

"I hope it's okay but I brought down some of the Christmas boxes from the attic. I thought we could decorate the house like Moira and Alec always did after Thanksgiving dinner." Callie's dark eyes were tight with worry. Hearing my parent's names was bittersweet.

"Fuck, I miss them." I whispered, sniffling. "I'm fine, I promise. More than fine actually. This day is just hard."

"I know, cuz." The corners of Callie's mouth turned down.

"Of course we'll put up decorations. It's what they would have wanted. I can just see dad now bitching that mom didn't fluff the tree enough before adding ornaments." A small chuckle snuck out.

"Then Auntie Moira would plop herself down and tell him to do it himself." Cousin Davina spoke up.

"They argued like cats and dogs, but they loved each other with a passion I envied." I nodded.

"I think we all did, let's be real." Tavyn added.

"Well, are we all set?" I asked.

"Yep!" Briony said. "The food is all ready, just waiting on everyone to arrive now." The doorbell sounded seconds later.

"Alright people, it's showtime! Davina, keep your brother away from the alcohol. We don't need another scene like last year. Callie, please distract your mom from annoying us all with too many questions. And for the love of fuck, no one bring up Uncle David's receding hairline. He'll lose his damn mind." I announced.

"Our family is ridiculous." Callie laughed.

"They are, but they're ours." I shrugged and hurried to the front door.

I escorted the last of the extended family into the second family room where extra folding tables were set up. The house bustled with more noise and laughter than I'd heard in years.

I thrived as host, tending to drinks and keeping myself perky while conversing with family. I didn't linger in one spot for long, to avoid the nosy questions and comments from the older members.

"Khione, how has work been?" Uncle David asked.

I'd been back at work for only a week now, but he didn't need to know that. "It's going great, but I'm thinking about finding something more permanent. Maybe go back to school and get a degree to pursue a career."

A few faces whipped to me, surprised expressions evident for all to see. Tavyn bit their lower lip and winked at me. Thank god for their moral support. Knowing they and Briony were there to back me up calmed my frazzled nerves.

"Do you think you're up for school?" Grandma Shirlee was next. My mother's mother. She meant well but always went straight for the jugular.

"I think so. I had a recent episode but I was able to soldier through it." Ha, more like I crawled my ass along the broken pieces of my life in disgrace, but I made it out alive. That's all that mattered to me.

"Have you tried the essential oils I sent you? I'm telling you, they will fix all your problems." Auntie Nora promised.

If all my problems could be fixed by sniffing essential oils I'd be swimming in that shit by now. No, they hadn't helped but I kept that comment to myself. The peppermint was a nice, relaxing scent. But it didn't cure my depression like she claimed.

Tavyn's pale eyes were lit by humor. I kicked them from under the table and chewed on a piece of roll before answering, "I tried them, but it doesn't do much for my form of depression, Auntie."

"We didn't have depression when I was your age, but now everyone has some new disorder every week." Uncle David rolled his eyes.

"Uncle Dave, are you balding per chance? I swear your forehead looks shinier than usual." Davina grinned wickedly at me.

"Davina!" Auntie Nora exclaimed, placing her hand on her husband's arm.

I ignored the uproar that ensued. Uncle David launched to his feet to run to Davina's father, his older brother. I could hear his vehement shouts from the kitchen. She flipped her curly brown hair over her shoulder, passing me a nod.

"I've been praying for you." Grandma Linda said. "God can heal you of this affliction, dear. I truly believe that."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Thank you for your prayers, Grandma."

"I don't get why you're even depressed. Yeah, your parents died, but you inherited this mini log cabin mansion and all their assets. You don't have to work a day in your life." My cousin Chris spouted off.

Tavyn whacked him on the back of the head.

"Chris, depression doesn't give a shit if you have money or not. All the money in the world won't make you happy or cure mental illness. You'd do well to remember that." I scooted my chair back.

"You good?" Briony asked.

"Yep, I'll be right back. I just need some air." I ducked my head and slipped through the kitchen. The second my hand found the back door and it eased open, I breathed a sigh of relief and snuck out into the frigid air. My pace slowed, cautiously descending the stairs to the backyard.

There was a tranquility in solitude. In the orange burst sunset and frosty air. 

"You're going to freeze out here." I glanced up into Ash's arctic eyes. He shrugged out of his fur lined jacket and settled it around my arms. I rubbed my legs together. A wave of goosebumps washed over me.

"What are you doing here?" I murmured.

"You're welcome." He nodded at the jacket. The scent of pine and smoke and a hint of something sweet calmed me, curling around me as if his arms themselves embraced me.

"Thanks."

"Sounds like you have a full house."

"Yep." I sighed. "They mean well but they're driving me crazy."

He nodded, "Well you look beautiful, dressed head to toe in my favorite color like you're ready to take on the world."

"I'm feeling good, like the cliché storm has left my skies and I can finally breathe again. I wanted to dress how I was feeling."

An awkward silence simmered between us. I snuggled into the jacket and glanced out at the snow floating over the pasture.

"Ash, why are you here?" I bit my lip but didn't turn my head to face him.

"You know, Ashvaldren is my full name. I haven't used it in centuries."

"It's different. I like it."

"It means ___ ." He explained.

"Your language is beautiful." I wondered why he bothered with small talk when he really wanted to see me. That much was clear, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself.

"I came here for two reasons, although neither were apparent to me until I found myself here." I finally gazed at him at the sound of crunching snow. He slipped his hands around my waist, pulling me close. My heart sped in my chest. Inky shadows swirled behind him, his jet black hair curling slightly at the nape of his neck.

He kissed me, his head dipping as I lifted on my toes to meet his lips. It consumed me in exactly the manner I knew it would. His tongue danced over mine, sweeping in waves that caused chills to engulf my skin. His fingers ran up my back, holding me securely to him. I melted in his arms, losing myself in his mouth.

"Shit." I whispered and pulled back enough to search the depths of his crystal irises. That one kiss was enough to bring down kingdoms. Wars were fought over kisses that powerful. My shoulders rose and fell as I struggled to gain control of my breaths. I gripped his forearms to keep myself from yanking him down for more.

"You're dangerous. But not in the way you think."

"I know." His hands held my face once more.

"Not in the 'you're a King, a different species than me' way. But in the 'falling for you would destroy me' way."

"I know."

"That kiss holds a thousand possibilities."

"I know." He stressed the word, chuckling under his breath. "I came here to kiss you, to finally silence the questions and wanderings in my mind.”

“And what have you discovered?”

“It was everything I knew it would be.” He whispered. “I have another proposition for you.”

I trembled under the weight of his heated gaze.

"I'm leaving Frostlike, but I’ll return soon. I know this won't make sense to you, but I wanted to ask if you would join me. Come with me to Artemisia's realm."

I choked on my spit. "You're asking me to take a…vacation to your Queen Goddess' realm?"

"It's business. Not a vacation. But you'd be safe with me."

"Answer me one question. Why should I?"

He watched my face a few seconds before answering. "Because despite how complicated we both are and how wrong this could go, the thought of not finding out what this is isn't an option."

"But you hate my kind."

“Yes, I usually do.”

"Snarky ass." I muttered.

A smirk crossed his features. "I know you're wondering the same thing. You may not be guided by ashalowen, the weird fae thing as you called it, but your deeper self knows it recognizes something in me too."

The back door slammed shut, voices traveling outside. Probably a family member in search of the host.

"Meet me at midnight. The forest. If you don't show up, I understand." He disappeared before my eyes, most likely using fae glamour to conceal himself.

I still had his jacket when I walked inside, his words and his scent taking over my mind. I still felt his kiss on my lips as I smiled and conversed with family. Over and over again I replayed the idea of going with him, on repeat like a broken record. No closer to making a decision. The cons list grew. The pros list barely made sense.

At midnight, I touched the frosty window next to the back door. Tavyn stood with me, my decision hanging unclear in the air.

"So?" Their voice held no trace of disapproval or excitement. They were neutral, which is exactly what I needed them to be.

Ash emerged from the tree line. His chin lifted to gaze at the house. My heart hammered in my chest as I opened the door. A smile tugged at my lips.