Head Above Water

Secret after Secret

I sat on the floor until I was certain he was gone. Why did he kiss me back? Why did I kiss him? I walked out of the room and decided to head up to the library to clear my head. 

"Hermione!"

I turned to see Luna walking towards me. 

"H-hey Luna."

I wondered if she could tell that I had been crying. I wondered if she noticed the clean scent of apples and pine, still radiating around me.

"Hey 'Mione. I was wondering if you wanted to go watch Quidditch tryouts. Ginny is there trying out, and the other teams are all there as well."

I thought about the fact that Draco would probably be trying out for the Slytherin team. I could see him!

"Yeah! That would be just the thing to get my mind off of things."

"Good! Let's go."

We walked in near silence, as Luna was quietly humming to herself. I wondered who she was so excited to see. As we arrived to the pitch, We quickly found some seats near the top, and I conjured up one of my famous blue flames to keep out the chill from the growing winds. The tryouts began, and Ginny was in fine form today. I looked over to the other side of the pitch, and saw Draco solemnly speeding along the bottom of the pitch, rushing to catch some small balls used in place of the snitch. He looked up at me and smiled a little bit, blowing a kiss towards the stands. Several girls nearby started to swoon, thinking it was for them. I smiled, knowing the truth, and tried to contain my blush. Luna looked at me quizzically, shrugged, and turned back to the pitch. 

Lost in thought, I couldn't help but come up with more questions, things I couldn't answer. Why did he kiss me if he needs to find a pureblood to marry? I couldn't wait to see him again, I don't know what I'd say, but I couldn't. How could I say something that I wasn't supposed to know? I wanted him to open up to me, hopefully I could get him to tell me himself. I kept imagining the worst ways this could go wrong, I couldn't help it. I had to be just some dalliance, some game to him. No way could he be serious. I decided to put a stop to this nonsense. I srood, perhaps a little too suddenly, because Luna turned to me, her signature confused look on her face.

"Hey 'Mione, where are you going?"

"Um.. I have to... go to the bathroom. I'll be back soon."

"Okay, just try not to miss anything, I'll let you know what happened when you come back."

"Great, thanks."

I went down the stairs, feeling a bit bad for lying to Luna. But, for this to end, I needed to talk to Draco. No, Malfoy. It was time to go back to a "know-it-all bitch" for this game to end. I could feel the panic bubbling in my chest, and I forced it down, barging straight into the slytherin locker rooms, finding Draco's locker, sitting directly in front of it. I realized it probably wouldn't be good for the other Slytherin team members to find me there, and decided to leave a note.

"Malfoy, we need to talk. You know the classroom. Right after tryouts."

I stuffed the note into his locker, and left the locker room. I went back to the stands, lost in thought once more. I watched the rest of the tryout in silence, wondering what to say to him. After what felt like an eternity, they ended.

"Hey Luna, let Ginny know I thought she was great, but I really need to go study for potions. Slugworth is having us make Felix Felices as a semester project."

"And you want to read everything you can about it."

"Exactly, thanks Luna!"

And with that, I headed down to the arranged place to prepare for Draco to come back. I had to think of the best way to keep a boundary between us without letting him know that I knew his secret. 

"Hey, 'Mione, I got your note.. what's going on?'

"Malfoy. I want you to tell me what's 'going on' with this."

I kept my voice as cold and unfeeling as possible, even when I saw the hurt on his face as I did.

"What do you mean? I thought this was good.. I don't know what I did wrong."

"Don't act stupid! You feel the need to constantly assure me you're not so I see right through this. What's your game with me? Nothing else to do when you're not out there torturing innocent people? I already know you hate everything about me so what is your game?"

The hurt on his face turned to anger in a flash, and he slowly walked towards me, rolling up his sleeves, exposing the faded Dark Mark on his forearm. 

"You want to know what my 'game' is? You bitch! My game was trying not to turn into this. Not to turn into my Father!"

With the word father, he slammed his arm on the wall behind my head, the Mark  staring me straight in the face. 

"Well that game is over, you filthy little Mudblood, I did NOTHING wrong but all you want to see is this? Well now you see it. I'll see you in Potions. I can't believe I thought I could trust you."

He left with a slam of the door and a disgusted shake of his head. I sunk to the floor, trembling and trying not to cry. Once I was sure he was gone, the tears came freely, rolling down my face with a salty heat, each one a stinging reminder that I was lost. The panic came in full force now. I couldn't breathe, and the pain in my chest was unbearable. I reached for my wand. 

"Sectumsempra!"

I pointed the wand at my forearm, aiming the cut straight through the mudblood scar, always there, always reminding me that I would always be inferior. I tried to keep calm as I watched the blood fall, remembeering where it came from, remembering that it was dirty. I cried, not in pain from the wound, but pain in wondering if I would ever be good enough for anyone. I would always be the Mudblooded, know-it-all bitch. I cried until I passed out, and stopped caring if anyone would ever find me. 

A/N: So! That chapter turned out a little dark and gloomy, but it seems Draco has finally revealed his true colors.. maybe. Thank's for reading, hopefully the next update won't be so late! <3 Tay.