It's Just Basic

Week 1

Day 1

He leaves today
There's not much to say
I've had more tears
Than I've had in years
Those last moments were so precious
His eyes made me breathless
The sad look in his eye
Made me melt and cry
Now to go to school
This seems so cruel
Those hours watching the clock
Time ran like a rock
Still as a stone
In a timeless zone
Already anxious and worried
But nothing went hurried
The slow pressing day
Because he left today

Day 2

It's actually the day he had to go away

The last hug felt too short

That lat gae ito his eyes felt too brief

I wish I could replay it over and over

Just to embrace those last teary eyed glances

Only wanting to run away and be happy together

I had to walk away

I as stuck and unable to function

Nothing but tears and head nods escaped me today

They know something is wrong

but not that the other half of me is gone

What happens next

We said we couldn't live without eachother

I can not funtion without my other

I am left to stare into the abyss

Just thinking about that last kiss

Stay stronger my soldier

I will try my best to become bolder

Day 3

My Baby,
It's day 3 and I'm doing a lot better. You'd be so proud of me for lasting 4 hours without crying. I hope you are doing alright. I miss you sooooo much. I know you are strong enough to keep pushing. I can't wait to get your address, Platoon and Battery so I can send you letters. You have been keeping me strong. Stay safe my soldier. God is keeping you safe and I can't wait to see you! I took an amazing bubble bath with candles surrounding me last night and it was so nice! I can't wait for you to see my art I've been working on. You'll probably just laugh at me but that's ok. I have an eye appointment today and then I get new glasses. I'll try to pick some cut ones out. I love you so much. Be brave and keep your head held high. I am so proud of you. Stay strong my love.

With All the Love,
Ashlynn Engold ❤️

Day 4

Dear Diary,
So today was so bad. I miss Him so much. I had a panic attack right before auditions today so I'm going tomorrow. I sing for youth group on Sunday and I am so excited. I texted his best friend and we texted for awhile about him. I miss my baby so much. I hope he is alright. I'm still waiting on the first letter so I can send him something. I wish I could just hold him in my arms and let him know it'll be alright. The day goes by so slow without him. My Studies teacher talked to me this morning and she's been super supportive. I had a dream last night but I don't remember much. I do remember someone dragging me away from him and I couldn't move. I hope I don't have any more of those. I have been having around 2-4 hours of sleep and I hope I can get more sleep. I miss him so much. I really hope he is safe.

~Ashlynn

Day 5

Reality is real
Not our imagination
Or our dreams
Our wishes

Reality can steal
Sometimes our relaxation
It causes screams
Or our imaginary kisses

Today it happened
He's really gone
The loneliness sinks in
And friends disappear

I've become saddened
And encouraged to push on
There is no win
Losing him is my worst fear

The days drag on
Only to add a tally
Waiting for a letter
Or the infamous call

That I can't wait upon
Excited to rally
To make me better
And not worry at all

I miss my soldier
But I'll be bolder
To wait right here
And everything disappear

Day 6

Today had no purpose but to be checked off the list. One minute at a time slipped away and only the thought of the call in the next few days keeping me going. I still haven't gotten a letter and I'm worried with what all could have gone wrong. I'm sure everything is ok. I lead 2 songs this week for youth group. I'm also doing camera for service. I really miss you. I just have to take one day at a time and to know only 5 weeks till Christmas and hopefully I will see you again. The days are going by so slow and the week even slower. I hope time is quicker over there. Stay safe my soldier ❤️

Update: So my little brother was being a butt and thought it'd be ok to watch YouTube with video from basic training from a few years ago. I am proud to say I didn't cry at all until he started tormenting me. I ran up to my parents' bathroom and started bawling. I miss you sooo very much. I finally listened to the recordings you left for me and I've been crying for about an hour. I love you so much. Please stay safe and I am getting more and more worried about when you are going to call. I miss you. Please stay safe. I will be alright. Stay strong my baby ❤️

Day 7

Dear my soldier,
It's been almost a full week. It doesn't feel like it. But I'm ok with that. Remember sitting by the fire and we finally got that picture of us kissing 😍 I look at that picture everyday. Then I remember looking in your blue eyes and saying "We'll be ok." We both smiled. That was last week. Well I survived and now I can mark one week down and 16 to go. It will seem slow but looking back it will seem like a blink of an eye. I'm not going to lie but have cried more this week than I have my whole life. But don't feel bad because it's a mix of I miss you and I love you. Last night I was looking at some pictures and I saw the pictures from prom last year and my favorite one of us walking in the grass holding hands cane up and I realized how beautiful that was. We have survived so many hardships in our relationship and this is the ultimate test. After this it's nothing but up. I plan to continue to stand by your side and support you with this. I meant what I said when you first approached the recruiter. "I will support you with whatever decision you make." I continue to stand by that phrase. I'm so proud of you baby. Continue to push and stay strong. I love you so much. Stay safe my Wesley ❤️

With all my love,
Your buttercup 😚