10 Years

42 - Always Have

Scarlett's POV:

I was frozen, less than 3 steps away from the door and he'd caught me, his words causing my breath to catch in my throat, my heart to leap in my mouth. I took a deep breath, more to steady myself than anything else though it wasn't enough, there was no way I could face him - I whispered my reply.

"What?"

His footsteps moved closer, close enough that his breath was hitting the back of my neck, close enough I could feel the warmth radiating off his body though he made no attempt to touch me again.

"You heard me"

"Jax, I" I stuttered through my words, "I don't know what" He interrupted me, this time his hands came to my shoulders and rested lightly against them

"Its ok Scar, I fucked this up big time and I guess I just have to deal with that now"

I still had nothing, I had meant what I said, trying to get on with my life when he left was one of the hardest things I had to do my 17 short years.

"Scar, look at me - please"

I thought about it, maybe for like a minute I contemplated the what if's if I turned to face him,

"Scarlett, I love you, always have, always will"

"I'm sorry Jax"

And like that I left him, I was a complete coward and I ran away for the second time that day, I just couldn't take anymore, I couldn't bare it. There were so many feelings going through my body at that exact moment, sadness, anger, anxiety - but mostly I was simply confused, by what he said - by what he hadn't said and by what I felt. Surely at the age of 17 it wasn't normal to feel this way.

"Scar, princess are you listening?"

"Sorry Dad, what?"

"You mother and I are going to the club with your brother, did you want to come?"

"Nope, I might stay here if thats ok"

"Of course, you ok?" Dad kissed my forehead and I nodded,

"A bit tired maybe, thats all"

"Ok, well we will see you when you get back, Will bring some dinner home with us"

"Sounds good"

"Love you princess"

"Love you Dad"

"Bye baby, see you soon" Mum kissed my cheek - pulling me in for a hug she whispered, "Spend some time with him, he may surprise you"

I don't know how she did it, but she always seemed to know exactly what was going on without me saying even a word. I smiled at her shrugging my shoulders as she linked hands with my Dad,

"Later Sis, see you soon"

"Bye Seb" We hugged also before all 3 of them left.

I took a seat on the edge of the lounge, thinking about what had happened earlier with Jax, I could still feel his soft lips against my neck, the tingling sensation from my skin when his hand touched my stomach, But it was his words that stuck in my mind the most, "Always have - Always Will" - I knew what I had with Landon was no where near the L word I mean I really liked him and we had been happy these past few months but I still didn't feel like that, yet. As for Jax - fuck who was I kidding - Of course I was still in love him, he was my first everything and though we had only been together a short time and regardless of how young we were I knew you didn't just forget a love like that. God - what was I doing....
Taking the stairs 2 at a time I found myself outside his door, debating on if I should knock or just walk in - screw it.

He was laying face up on his bed when I walked through the door, standing instantly when he seen me,

"Scar, what's wrong"

Walking right to him and pressing my body to his I grabbed his face in my hands,

"I still love you too Jax" I closed the distance between us, pulling his face to mine pressing my lips to his, it took no time for his body to respond, his arms snaking around my waist as I reached mine around his neck, my fingers moving to his hair. Jax deepened the kiss, his tongue entering my mouth as he pulled me even closer to him. When He broke the kiss, his eyes were closed but his gorgeous smile remained spread across his mouth as softly he spoke,

"I love you so much baby"

"I love you too, now please kiss me Jax" This time he slammed his mouth to mine, hands moving to my ass he lifted me up allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist, my fingers dragging his shirt up causing our lips to part momentarily to pull it over his head.
Hitting the bed we made quick work of our clothes as I laid on the bed, completely naked - waiting for him as he stood back watching me,

"You are so beautiful baby"

"Love me Jax, please"

He laid himself on top of me, linking our fingers together as he slid himself inside me,

"I will always love you Scarlett"

"I love you Jackson"

I knew he meant what he said and he knew I meant it too, and in that moment as our two bodies were joined, as our eyes were searching each others deeply, everything was perfect, even after as we laid together, face to face, legs wrapped around each other - enjoying the feeling of Jacksons fingers tracing down my side and over my hips I couldn't help by think that this moment felt just right.

"I almost forgot how good it was with you" He smiled at me, his smile not quite reaching his eyes,

"I could never forget that Jax"

"There have been a few others, since you -  no one ever even came close"

Hearing him talk about 'others' made it feel like my heart had sunken into my stomach, why did guys think we wanted to hear this stuff.

"Sorry" He muttered, brow furrowed.

"Its ok" I shrugged

"Clearly its not" He chuckled, placing a kiss on my forehead "I get it, I wouldn't want to hear about you and the other guy either"

"There is nothing to tell" He looked at me, a small smile on his face "We haven't slept together, you are the only man I have ever been with like that"

"I knew you were still mine" He smirked, pulling my body closer to his.

We talked for awhile longer, Jax told me about uni, about his soccer and partying with Seb, In turn he asked me about School and Dancing - knowing my Dad would for sure have mentioned I had cut back on it a bit no doubt blaming it on Landon, though that was never the case.
We spoke until the sun had disappeared behind the horizon and the room was clouded in darkness.

"You know this can't change anything Jax, We still won't work like this"

He sighed, wrapping his arms around me tight as he hid his face in my neck,

"I know Scar, but I do want this with you - one day"

"One day Jax, But not now"

"So then, what do we do - now?"

"We keep going on as we have been, getting out of bed each morning and going through our day"

"And you'll be with him"

I nodded,

"You will have those 'others'" I was thankful then that his face reminded on my shoulder so he couldn't see me roll my eyes at my words - he must have sensed the tone though as his shoulders jerked up and down from laughter,

"And one day" He lifted his face finally, brining his eyes to lock with mine "One day I am gonna make you mine, and that'll be it"

"I love you Jackson Knight"

"God I love you Scarlett Stilton - Always Have, Always Will"

It was hard to carry on like nothing had happened between us, but we needed to. I loved the promise of us, the promise of a future together - but life isn't really like that, life is what happens to you when you too busy trying to plan it out.