Criminal Record: Eco-Terrorism/Breaking and Entering: Attempts to save baby cows' lives by stealing them from Farmer Carl Denkins and locks him Cartman, Kyle, and Butters in his room. Originally it technically isn't terrorism but soon Cartman gives demand for a missile, an arsenal of weapons, and the name for veal changed to tortured baby cows. In the episode "Free Willzyx", him and his friends break into SeaWorld Park and steal the orca named Jambu. The boys were tricked by two employees into believing the whale wanted to be free and misses its family on the Moon. The boys eventually succeed with sending the whale to the Moon with the help of the Mexican Aeronautic Space Agency. During the events of "Whale Whores", he joins the anti-whaling reality show Whale Wars and sinks many Japanese whaling ships with a flare gun and Molotov cocktails. He, Kenny, and Cartman get arrested by the Japanese and put in a prison cell together. In "Ass Burgers", he broke into a random building while drunk and under the manipulation of the Secret Society of Cynics and began randomly firing an Uzi gun which contained several restaurant owners plotting to shut down Cartman's hamburger business.
Illegal Downloading: In Christian Rock Hard, he downloads songs illegally which get him, Kenny, and Kyle arrested. However he never knew this law existed.
Arson/Framing: In "Pre-School", he and the others got Trent Boyett to set a fire in their preschool classroom and frame Trent for the crime, and in "Butt Out". However both of these arson's were accidental and unintentional and therefore do not count on his criminal record.
Filing a False Police Report: In "The Wacky Molestation Adventure", he lied to the police about his parents abusing him.
Hit and Run: In "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow", Stan and Cartman drove a boat into a beaver dam, which resulted in the flooding of Beaverton, and the deaths of 'hundreds of millions', despite the population of the town being only 8,000. It was also reported that people were looting, raping, and resorting to cannibalism (which is a stretch). However this was also an accident because Stan did not know that this accident would go very far and does not count on his criminal record.
Piracy: In "Whale Whores", he sinks a Japanese boat. However, this does not count because the Whale Wars show was supported by national television.
Violation of Firearm Laws/Threatening with a deadly weapon: In Mystery of the Urinal Deuce, Stan held Kyle's head at gunpoint and began to threaten him before revealing that he was the one who defecated in the school urinal simply to avoid missing out on recess, He was eventually punished by Mr. Mackey for it.
Attempted Murder: Stan has attempted to kill Cartman with a laser gun when Cartman almost destroyed the world with his trapper keeper in Trapper Keeper. In Spontaneous Combustion he and Kyle tied Cartman to a cross, knowing full well that he would die, in order to give Kyle's dad a resurrection. He has also been known at attempting to murder his own grandpa (at his grandpa's request). However he unintentionally attempts these assisted suicides.
Murder: In "Pinkeye", he and Cartman killed many zombies by cutting them in half with chainsaws. What neither of them knew at the time that all they had to do was kill the original zombie, Kenny.
Attempted Unlicensed Surgery: In "Cherokee Hair Tampons", when Cartman refused to donate his kidney to a dying Kyle, Stan tries to take it by force by breaking into his house and removing it with a saw, however Cartman outsmarts him by using the "Kidney Blocker 2000" to prevent this.
Unlicensed Surgery: In "Jared Has Aides", He, Kyle and Cartman preformed unlicensed liposuction on Butters with a hose in order to get him thinner in hopes of getting money from a weight loss scam. They even framed Butters by simply running away and hiding, causing yet another grounding for Butters from his parents.
Theft: Cartman misled him into stealing a boat which ends up breaking a beaver dam. But this is mostly Cartman's fault.
Black Marketing: In "The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000", Stan came up with a plan with the boys in breaking into any rich kid's house and placing a tooth under their pillow and have their parents place money under their pillow only for them to steal it from them afterwards. Though this idea was already used by a boy named Loogie who started a business in doing these and ended up joining his business, thought one of the members of the American Dental Association suspected this and was later caught by them but wasn't punished for due to Kyle's rather unusual altering reality abilities. Since this is black marketing, this act was illegal and branded on his criminal record.
Underage Smoking: He along with Cartman, Kenny, and Kyle smoked in order to not be like the anti-smoking group Butt Out!.
Underage Drinking & Alcoholism: He was given alcohol by a group of people who supposedly had Asperger's Syndrome, because they all literally saw the world as "shit". They consistently make Stan drink to do "missions", and although Stan later said he was through with that group, he still had a bottle of whiskey in his drawer. However he had little other choice because he apparently requires alcohol to cure himself of his cynicism.
Indecent Exposure: In "Butterballs", when Stan's awareness video about bullying came to a failure and the school ended up being sued by Dr. Mehmet Oz. Stan resorts in going to San Diego, stripping his clothes and began masturbating (or rather dancing) in public though he was never arrested for this act and this rather amused the San Diego's populace. He preformed this act again in "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining" when he successfully raised an awareness on how horrible ziplining was for him.
Property Damage: In "Skank Hunt", Stan and the rest of the fourth grade boys except for Kenny, destroy all of Cartman's electrical devices into believing he was Skankhunt42. Later on, he and the other boys regretted what they did when they figured out that Cartman wasn't Skankhunt42.
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