Queen Oneshots

Toxic - Dealor p.1

I borrowed pic from @its.not.that.roger 's instagram

Warnings:
cursing/physical and psychological violence

John's POV

I was alone at home, Roger went to see his sister Clare. I was to busy to go because I was planing christmas party at our house. We wanted to invite quite a lot of people and I want it to be perfect. My fiancé thinks I'm overworking myself but it was bullshit. It was just planning a big party all by myself and working in the studio on the new album from day to night ... maybe he was right, but I won't admit it. I won't give that bastard satisfaction.

I know what was the reason I was non stop tired and I was frequently throwing up. I was two months pregnant but I was too scared to tell him. I wish it would be easier and it was getting more and more complicated with every day passing. I was really excited about having kids and I wanted them more than everything. But I couldn't say the same about Roger ... He don't want to have kids, at all and I was devastated when I found out. I always wanted a big family and my future husband don't ... I was afraid what will happen to us. There was a lot of fuss about it but I finally gave in and we adopted two dogs from the shelter. They were cute and they were great friends but they weren't kids ...

I was so stressed out to tell him. He was so caring but when he was in anger he was really agressive and I was scared of him. He beated me up few times when he was drunk but I tried to convice myself it was because of drugs and alcohol. I was having panic attacks and I couldn't sleep at night. He was really worried about me and I just couldn't looked him in the eyes because I failed him. I didn't cheat on him or anything. It was his baby, but I was so scared because I knew how much he hates kids. I spent hours crying my eyes out, I can't hide it forever. He already was suspicious because I don't drink alcohol, don't smoke and I'm not doing drugs. We always like to experiment, maybe a little too much sometimes ...

I was getting bigger, he will notice anyway. I'm gonna do it on christmas party, it's just five more weeks. I'll try to do it romantic and in front of everyone so maybe he'll stay calm. I dropped my notebook and rushed once again to the bathroom . The tears floaded my eyes when I was clenching my fists on the toilet. I gasped when I felt someone's hands on my back, I was even more nervous when I saw Roger.

"Oh, you home early ..." I said quietly and put on one of my the best fake smiles .
"Yeah, Clare didn't have much time we just had a quick coffee and I left here invitation for christmas party, it would be so much fun!" He said cheerfuly.
"I guess ..." I said standing up.
He frowned but I didn't said anything and start to brush my teeth.
"You're acting weird lately John ... I did something wrong? Did I hurted you somehow? I love you more than anything and I don't want to lose you but I feel that we are moving away from each other."
I bit my lips nervously and I start to breathe faster. I was already a terrible parent because baby was receving so much stress. Tears were sliding down my cheeks like waterfalls, soon I start to choke on them and I just slide down the wall.
"I'M SORRY!" I screamed through the panic attack which start to kick in.

" John, honey what are you sorry for?" Roger asked worried while hugging me tightly and caresing my back.
I sobbed so hard I wet his shirt but he didn't even cared.
"Come on we're gonna lie down, okay?"
I just noded my head and let him to carry me to bed in a bridal style. I kissed him softly, the kiss was clumsy and salty because of my tears but it made me call down a little. He put me gently on the the bed and cuddled me. I tensed when he put his hands on my stomach.
"Does your tummy hurts? 'Cause is so hard ... My poor baby, you shouldn't stress so much ..." He said kissing my neck.
"A l-little ..." I said quietly.

I didn't know when I fall asleep but when I woke up Roger greeted me with hot tea and cheese on toast.
"I have the best fiancé in the world ..." I said and kissed but he tasted like whisky "Roger it's the midday and you already drinking?" I said looking at him with disapproval.
Few months ago I wouldn't even care and would get wasted too.
"It was just a few drinks ... why you're so mad, aye?" he said already tipsy.
I bit my lips so hard I could feel the mettalic taste of the blood in my mouth.