the incidents

anxiety

fears sucks d*ck

reasons why, you get crumbled up and get scared for hours, and hours, and hours-
you never leave your save spot, it's literally the worst thing ever. worst than loosing someone, dying, or something courageous.

I always gotten scared of my ex interfered with my personal problems, he was in all of them, on Instagram I would spread out my sadness and how desperate of love I wanted and needed. christ, I lost 3 friends because of it.

can't contact any of them, they blocked me, I blocked them. the argument was awkward and mistaken honestly.
can't really believe a 19 year old would attempt to emotionally abuse a way lower classmen.

I've had a girlfriend before, she was my light through my dark, dark, mind. we were together for a week, then she had to leave. she kissed me on my forehead, I started getting excited, I planned to kiss her in the Friday. day later, "hey, uh, forgive me but.. im moving back to my old school" then boom, I was an inch away from disclosing my plan, I didn't kiss her, I kissed her in the cheek tho. but on that Friday, in my 7th period, I started crying for 45 minutes plus the 16 minutes from the end of my 6th period.

then, weeks and a month later, my best friend, not saying names, confessed, I was already in a relationship, a toxic and cruel one. I cheated, I had no choice, the relationship was already gonna end. a week after me and my best friend got together, everyone said we were the cutest couple, I was glad that people were noticing finally, we kissed. fuck, I regret doing it, his mom found out. 4½ months of headaches, jars and jars of tears, tons of used tissues, I've lost him, kept saying I was over him. I kept lying, I tried over and over again to win him back, it was impossible and ignorant of me to do so anyways, I was never thinking of my actions until now, disgraceful..