I place my science book in my locker and instinctively reach for my Spanish one, unable to pull it out as my locker is shut before me. My hand moving quickly enough out of the way to avoid being hurt, a heavy sigh leaving my body. Justin. It was only a matter of time, I had been expecting him for days now. I turn to face him, making sure there is no visible expression on my face because at this point I find myself completely over this whole ordeal with him and me and Bryan. I am done. I look at him as he looks back at me, that smirk on his face, the smirk that still makes the butterfly's stir within me. I place my face on my locker, my forehead making contact with the cool metal as I ponder whether I even need a book for class today. Do I want to be late and have my book or do I want to be on time, no book in hand? I opt for the latter, walking away and heading to class. And then he speaks.
"Hey" He says. As if a simple "hey" had the power to make up for everything, everything that I have been put through.
"I have to get to class." I utter, walking away from him.
"I'll walk with you," he responds, once again speaking as if everything was so simple and things weren't all messed up like they are.
"Please don't" I find myself begging, and to no avail as he follows beside me anyways. I fall into this routine we have all over again.
"So what happened with Bryan?" he asks so casually.
"Nothing, he's not a part of my life anymore, this time for good. Why? Did he tell you?" I ask wondering how it is that three people with completely different lives could manage to stay so interconnected all these years.
"No. I heard it from... well you know from who." he adds, gently, clearly afraid of unleashing all the anger I am holding back. Completely unaware that I am more tired than angry at this point. I don't answer, as I don't know exactly what I should answer because she has everything I ever wanted. My next class appearing, still several feet away and I decide. There is no point in pushing this off any longer, now is as good a time as ever. So, I stop before him, ignoring the late bell ringing around us.
"Look, I am done doing all this okay?" I break the silence.
"Doing what exactly?" he dares ask, that smirk appearing all over again.
"THIS JUSTIN! Whatever it is that this is because right when I think I am at a point where I can let it all go and move on, you and Bryan just show up out of nowhere and we go through the same shit all over again. And every time I fall for it, my heart hopes and I am tired, I am tired of hoping that the "someday" I have been dreaming of since we were eight will finally happen."
"What?" he simply mutters, as if he has no idea what I am talking about.
"Don't do that." I beg.
"Do what?"
"Don't act like what I am saying is a lie, or something I imagined. Don't all of a sudden act like you don't feel about me the way I know you do. I know you do, or at least you did once, I don't as much truly know these days. But I know that I do... and I do, God do I like you. Like, I don't think you could ever understand how much I do. And I know you did, because your brother told me, Once Upon a Time. I tried talking to you about it all those years ago, back when you shut me out. And that's exactly it Justin, you shut me out. So you can't just come back now, when I am finally ready to let you go, it is not fair. So this is it, this is the last time I am putting myself through this. This is the last time I am having this or any conversation with you. I am done, and tired, and I am trying my hardest to move on, knowing that I have been so stupid all these years, so please! I am begging you. Please leave me alone..." I let out all at once, unsure as to how I managed without breaking down. The tears simply welling in my eyes. He simply looks back at me, no words left to say. And so I walk myself the rest of the way to class... late and with no valid excuse. I apologize for my tardiness and take my seat, the sound of my heart crumbling to pieces all over again echoing around me. The voice of Alex, an old friend, pulling me back into the room.
