I D K

Pathetic

It's raining light. The sticky water trickling down my skin on a hot summer night. 

Blissful. 

I'm at Blake's house and oh my god. It is literally a mansion. 

I'm in my typical attire, black spiky boots, an oversized t-shirt, and a big, roomy sweater. 

I think I'm going to go home, but Blake gets to me before I could react. 

"Hey you actually made it," he beams at me like a child who ate one too many chocolates, chocolates with alcohol. 

"Yeah," I laugh. 

Blake frowns at me like a lost puppy, "I was sure you were gonna bail," His words slur like water going loopy loop on a water slide. 

"Uh..." The rain starts to pound at us like pebbles. 

We're drenched in a flat second. 

His fingers enclose around my wrist and he leads me to the house, "Come on," he laughs, his other hand acting as an umbrella for his brown, honey locks. 

"Um, I like the rain!" I argue, I desperately want to not go in the mansion and face Blake's friends. 

"Are you scared?" he sneers jokingly. 

"No," I claim stoically.

 He tours me through the long hallway in the wake of his double doors, they were pretty heavy. 

Blake takes a swing of his drink and offers me some. 

"Um, no thanks, I don't drink," I scrunch my nose in distaste. 

"Oh come on, it's not the cheap stuff, trust me," 

I shake my head, "I don't drink," I reply dryly. Maybe this was a bad idea I mean all people do at these parties is get drunk and do drugs, not my scene.

Blake just seems frustrated. 

"Why do ya always gotta make things so difficult?" Blake huffs. 

I really don't know what to say to that, but I'm royally pissed at his highness. 

"Just fucking accept the good things in life, we're all gonna die anyway," out of nowhere, he pulls out a joint and takes a drag. Smoke wafts out of his mouth. Blake throws his head back, adorned in pleasure. I

 feel my feet scooching closer and closer to the door, the exit, away from him, away from this stupid party. 

That's when I see her burst through the door. I need to do a double-take because I really can't recognize her. 

She's changed.

Not the girl Who'd play my make-believe games Now she's gone away And turned into something far awayWho are you again?

Someone I used to know.

The girl looks at me but ignores me. She does her best to avert eye contact with me. 

"Linn, babe!" Blake calls out at the top of his lungs, his voice rough and scratchy. The two give each other a quick embrace and separate. 

She's still like the girl I knew when we were kids, she still looks skinny and pointy-nosed. I always felt inferior to her when I was younger when it came to my body. 

Now I don't give a fuck really. 

I really don't want to make any contact with her, even though I do. 

I spin on my heels and venture deeper into the party before Blake can catch up to me. 

Everything smells like the strange substances I have a whiff of outside the school bathrooms. 

I rub my legs for reassurance, the warmth from them gives me awareness. 

Ugh. I'm lost. 

I do a 360 and all I see is darkness. 

I try random doorknobs, but all are locked or won't budge. 

I don't know why, but I start crying, which is utterly pathetic and stupid. 

Everything just comes together and the emotions begin to swell up. 

I slide onto the laminated wooden floor, back to the wall. Head burrowed in my arms. 

Why do I always come back to this place? This state? I'm pathetic... I'm an emotional waste. 

"Ugh..." someone moans. I quickly swipe at my eyes. 

Someone else is in the room. 

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