Goodbye Ian

Chapter 1

Alice Jones^^^

  Life sucks. There's no point to it. I mean eventually I'm going to die whether it be from natural causes or by killing myself. However, I've been given a second chance so maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I guess I just need to hold on.

  My name is Alice Jones and I tried killing myself last summer. Junior year had ended and it felt like the light of hope I had in my head for a better and happier life had just turned off. My depression came at me really hard. I felt like I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't eat and would stay in bed all day. My parents didn't give a shit about what I was going through. They would leave the house get drunk and gamble. I felt lost. 

  I remember the day I tried to kill myself. It was June 5, 2019 and I thought I would finally be able to be free of this town, world, planet...

  Life... Let's just say I failed and was rushed to the hospital, and then to rehab where I spent the remainder of my summer. It was fucking awful. I mean it's my body and my life. Who cares if I want to end it early, it's my choice. Nobody else should have a say in my life. Alas, that's not how the world works. Everyone thinks I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about because I'm 17 years old. They think it's just a phase. Well, guess what people it's not just a phase. Depression is not a phase. Anxiety is not a phase. Wanting to kill myself is not a phase. I just wanted an out. The nurses and doctors understood what I meant. They listened to me and helped me. It pained me when I had to leave the rehab. That day when they told me that I was free to leave the rehab it was fucking awful.

  "Alice, we have some news to tell. Actually we have good news."

  "What is it?" I asked with a lot of curiosity.

   "Well you have made wonderful progress and will be able to leave tomorrow morning," said Dr. John. He helped me a lot in the rehab after my failed suicide attempt.

  "What the fuck?!?! I don't want to leave!!" I shouted.

"Why not? This is an amazing chance for you to go back out to the world."

  "I'm not ready. I can't do this. Please don't make me. It's all to much," I pleaded at Dr. John.

  He came and sat next to me on my bed. Over the time this place has been my sanctuary. People actually cared about me and wanted what was best for me. I've never had that before and I didn't want to lose it now.

   "I know this is going to be tough for you, but you need to pull through. You can't spend the rest of your life here. I know you can do it Alice Jones."

    This is one of the reasons why I always liked Dr. John. He always knew what to say. Always kind, caring, loving and more. I'm gonna miss him. Along with other doctors and nurses.

  "Now why don't you get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow Alice. Goodnight."

  "Goodnight Dr. John," I said to him before he left me alone in my room.

  He's right about one thing. Tomorrow will be a big day.

  I shake my head from the thought of that memory. Instead I'm looking at myself in the mirror looking over my outfit since today is the first day of school for senior year. I'm wearing black jeans with a white top and a crop black jacket. I end the look with black high top Converse. I'm not really those types of girls that wake up super early in the morning just to do their makeup or their hair. Currently my hair is a tangled mess and my face is bare of makeup. The only color showing on my face is my blue eyes, but they're dull leaving them to be uninteresting. It's the best that I could do considering that I don't really give a shit about what I look like.