I hate having to write about you
But I just have to get it out of my system
What did I mean to you? All this time, what was I, a joke? A passtime? A silly toy?
When you felt bad, I did all I could to help
When I felt bad, you were there for me
Then why all of a sudden, just out of the blue
Would you do this to me?
I hope you don't get it wrong
I'm not mad, nor sad that we ended.
I just needed to know, why would you tell me so many lies?
I knew it would end soon, but who was I trying to fool?
I wasn't prepared.
I didn't have to be.
It was like as if you waited for the perfect opportunity
"When will they be the most vulnerable?"
Ah, you sure did find a great timing
I felt like shit
You said you'd listen to me
"I value your friendship! Let's keep talking!"
You never said a word.
You ignored me when I asked for help
When a friend was what I needed the most you turned your back on me
I hold no anger at you
I hold no sorrow at you
I just hold my questions
As if they swirled around my brain
"what if...?" "why would...?" "was it...?"
They're uncontrollably talking to me now
Unlike before, when they were disperse whispers
Now they sound like people
Now they sound like you
I don't want to hear it anymore
So why would you?
Why would anyone? Really.
Who are you trying to fool?
It's 2 am again
I still can't sleep
I have so much to do
I can't bring myself to do anything
All I needed was a friend
All I needed was help
You said you'd miss me
Well, the hell you would.
You don't miss me
You don't ask for me
You just stand there
I know you watch me from a distance
I see your glares and stares
Do you want to talk to me as much as I do? Am I being delusional?
You see, I tried to end mw these days
I got tired
Not weak, I know I'm resilient.
But, not strong either
I don't care if it doesn't make sense
I knew what was coming
I already saw that storm
I just couldn't bear to believe it
All my courage was torn
All my days telling myself
"don't cry!" "don't annoy them!"
Play pretend is over,
I had two anxiety attacks yesterday
I cried in front of them four times
I don't care about how pathetic you think this is
I seriously don't give a damn
But i need to get it out of my system
And this is the only way I'm capable of.
People have been asking lots of questions to me lately
"Hey, are you alright?"
As if they actually wanted to know
"Yeah, I'm just a little tired"
But now, they also come to me for advice
"... you see... this is happening to me..."
I don't want to disappoint them
But choosing me was a horrible decision, really.
I don't know how to help
I just ruin everything
I hate when my friends fall into self-pity
however I can't help but do the same
I've been being mean to everyone around me
I've been crying for nothing
I can't stand this for long
I already chose a day
Okay, I've chosen more than one
This is how I've been living
Marking my days, one by one
I know It sounds stupid
As crazy as could be
But I've been doing this to myself
I've been living for me
Tired of doing it for other people
I decided to be free
Nor careless, nor hopeless
Just someone people can see
YOU ARE READING
Venting? (not an actual story)
De TodoBasically, in here I spilled a piece of me. This was written when I was very fragile, around the end of 2019, which feels like an eternity ago. I felt terrible and there were many things happening, so I decided to write my thoughts down. It's not go...
