UNWANTED IMPERFECTIONS

1

My story starts pretty much when I was born. Every person that is the youngest kid in it's family can relate to this. I was born into this world 17 years ago, when society was starting to get itself screwed, but not yet left with devastating consequences. I was one of the last generations that actually played in a park, didn't had a phone with 3 years of age and wasn't a technological genius at the age of 6. But still, shit was expected of me. Shoes to be filled, perfect life to be led. Until now, I am at the very best mediocre at school and a total weirdo that likes the oldest movies in the world and dances like having a spasm for an unexpected food intoxication. You can put that image on your head. My name? Not important. Names are not as important as they used to be. Only names with a future are the ones in need of remembering.
Anyway, back to my boring, random, out of the blue story. Since I was born I've been behind the shadow of my big sister, which was the first in everything. First daughter, first granddaughter, first niece, first, first, first. Me? Again, not important. You know how they say that the last child is the most loved? In my case is total bullshit.
The first is always perfect. Yes, the pressure is bigger because she is the first. She is the example to follow. She needs to be perfect. But when she is also a total bitch? Now that is a whole other story. My sister grew up too fast. And being only the two of us, I had to grow fast too. When I was playing with Barbies, she was already doing homework and other shit "big" kids of 6 years old had to do. Every time I asked her to play with me she said she was busy, so I exploted. The consequence? Being send to a psychologist at 4. All I ever wanted was a little attention, so since then, I have to admite I was quite the pain in the ass. Who did I take it on? You have to ask? Well, of course that it was my sister dummy. Changing shampoo with conditioner, putting glitter all over her bed, setting little sharp pins around the bathroom in hope that one of them stabbed her feet, etc. Now, you may think I was freakin' crazy. Certainly not the case.
I stopped when they stopped seeing it as a phase and started to realize I wouldn't stop unless they punished me, so they started to take the things that I cared about the most, which was at the time toys, TV, my favorite movie and book, I wasn't allowed to go to the child parties for like a month, and well, you get the idea.
So that's when I realized that what I had to do was being perfect. I started beating my sister in grades, talents, ideology, culture, but, of course, not enough. My biggest problem was my body, but that's another chapter.
At family meetings, I always finished crying. I was born with a no filtered mouth. I pretty much say all the things that cross my mind. A curse and a gift. In an all filtered world, in the right times, a little honesty in a sugarcoated life is quite necessary. So my advice dear reader? When you feel like being honest, be honest. Do not keep words from coming out. That's why you have vocal cords, a mouth, teeth and tongue in the first place. To talk, so say the truth when you can. That doesn't mean be a bitch and say all the vile judgy feelings about other people. Unless that those people are your problem. In that case, just say it. Rip that fucking band aid off.
To be continued...