Running Low

Warm and Real

      Adiaz was sat at home, on the smallest of the two chairs either side of the sofa. Cambria was sat on the sofa with Raven.

      It was a strange sight, everyone admitted. But after all, they were orphans. Their dad had walked out on them before they'd had much chance to know him and their mum had finally killed herself, after the years of hidden pain, not long after that. They only had each other, which meant the twins had to work.

      Naturally, they grew closer after that. Especially after having heard the report that had read aloud their mother's note - which hadn't seemed real even after they'd read it one day after school, when they'd come home to find her lifeless in their kitchen. They all knew their mother had been fighting her own demons, and had accidentally passed them on to each of them. Adiaz noticed the change in Raven immediately. She'd originally become more closed off and uncomfortable with them all, realising her mistake in doing her 'experiments'. If she wasn't such a stubborn girl, Adiaz could have sworn she'd have killed herself in that moment.

      It wasn't until Raven had met Frankie that she'd begun to see that perhaps opening up to people was the only real way to make up for your mistakes and move past them. And it hadn't taken anywhere near as long as Adiaz had thought it would for his two sisters to become friends, as they had been in very early childhood.

      Still, it hurt to see the shared expression that passed over their faces when Cambria again failed to laugh. And that was, of course, Raven's fault. Their mother was mostly to blame, but no one could deny their sisters part, and it seemed to break her just that little bit more every time.

      As for Adiaz, he was quick to forgive Raven, but he could almost be certain he'd never be on friendly terms with her. Sometimes he'd go to talk to Cam, and find her with Raven, and then just walk the other way. Sometimes he'd overhear them making plans and he'd phone his work and tell them he'd work extra hours, just so that he could escape the house.

      And work was the only escape he had.

      He barely had any friends that he could think of. None other than Hunter and Nico, who he loved so much, but there was something there he didn't understand. It was like they were always awkward around one another now, and the easy flow and bouncing ideas and comments off one another that used to be there just... wasn't. When he'd first started hanging out with them, all as awkward as he was, he'd started to believe he was becoming confident in himself again. And then Nico seemed a little off one day, and he couldn't work out why. Hunter seemed to know but that only made him seem off with him and Nico.

      He didn't understand, but he'd come to his own conclusion: they didn't like him anymore.

      One day, when he'd been with them at the Mattley household, where over half the group parties seemed to held - because they were everyone's favourite family apparently. Adiaz assumed it was just because they have a big house; necessary for the million children they had.

      Their family was always invited to these things, because they were related to the Strawgers after all. And they couldn't be held accountable for what their mum did. So they went. Not that Adiaz ever wanted to, but hated being alone in his house, and the girls would never stay home when they could be with their friends, so he had no other choice - work was starting to refuse him because "you work too much for a lad your age," they said. Though they didn't know his situation.

      While at their house, he'd snuck upstairs to avoid the majority of the human beings. When someone had started to come up after him, presumably just for the bathroom, he panicked and locked himself in the nearest room: Thaddeus' bedroom.

      Usually invisible and ghost-like, Adiaz was quick to assume his presence would never be known so it was safe for him to take a look around while he calmed himself down. That was when he found the notebook. He'd only opened it to the first page, curious to see what topic he was writing about. He'd had to drop out of school to feed his family but he still liked to learn. Only this notebook wasn't for school, he found, but rather full of poems.

      It felt like an invasion of privacy, which of course, it was. So he closed the book immediately and left the room even more awkward than how he'd entered.

      But as he walked back down the stairs, he started to think about writing poetry himself. Maybe he could.. maybe he should. He thought he would.

      He left that party a little earlier than usual, and only Cambria, Hunter and Nico seemed to notice. Though he didn't mind. He waved and left anyway, not stopping to say goodbye or explain why he was going.

      He sat at his desk and started to write just as the rain began to fall.

      He didn't realise when he started, but it would be his only poem. And it would never be complete. It would be scrunched in ball and thrown out the window. And underneath, outside, someone would find it. They'd pick it up and uncurl it. They'd try to straighten out the creases that forever stained the lined paper as the rain hit it violently, breaking the paper in their hands and making it cry the blue ink of the lines and bleed the black of the ink. They'd only just manage to read the words before they died and faded, lost to the rain and the wind and the skies. They'd throw it in the bin like it was nothing.

      But to someone, it was everything.

I take forever in the shower
'Cause it's the only warmth I feel
I mark my arms in scars
To remind myself I'm real