Bellarke One-shots

Get me through it all

*WARNING* this is about an anxiety attack-

•••

'It happened again.' I texted him. I looked over at my clock and saw that it was two in the morning.

'Nvm its way to late I'm sorry.' I text back and set my phone on my night stand. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down, but my body was trembling and tears that I couldn't control were falling down my face.

'I'll be there in 5.' My phone buzzes and I try to type back but my hands are too shaky and I feel myself losing my breath again.

'Scale of 1-5 how bad is this one?' He texts and I know he is texting and driving. I silently curse myself for waking him up and letting him do this.

But he knows that when I don't text back after a minute that that rating is at a five, and I haven't been at a five in a whole year.

I hear my phone ring and my shaky finger answers the call.

"Are you alright? I'm almost to your house. God I knew I shouldn't have left your house so soon!" His rushed voice spoke through the phone.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly into the phone as my tears drop into it.

"Sorry for what?" He asks and I can hear the wind whizzing in the phone from how fast he is driving.

"For bothering you a-and god I just fuck up your whole life." I mutter into the phone.

"Stop." He says firmly. "Stop talking like that you're going to make it worse. You know that your brain is telling you those things. Stop listening to it, and listen to me instead, okay?" He says calmly into the phone and I murmur a small 'okay'.

"Listen, I'm pulling into your driveway. Just take deep breaths with me until I get inside." He says and I hear his car door close.

"One in, one out. Two in, two out. Three in, three out. Four-" He keeps going and I breath with him until I hear my bedroom door creak open and I see him standing in the doorway.

He knows fast movements in an anxiety attack like this only make me react worse, so he slowly walks up to me, sitting on the bed next to me and pulling me into a hug. I clench part of his shirt in my fists and tuck my head into his shoulder.

"Don't start on me again, just keep breathing." He says quietly and I feel his grip on my waist tighten. He slowly leans back so he lies down on my bed and I fall on top of him. My head resting against his chest.

"Listen to my heart beat, and listen to yours. Because our brains like to fuck things up, but our hearts like to keep it simple. So, keep it simple." He says and I feel his hand run down my back. I feel his heart beat below my head and I close my eyes, trying to bring myself down from the unpleasant high my brain brought me to.

After about ten minutes of silence, he speaks up again.

"Are you okay?" He whispers into my hair and I slowly nod my head.

"That's good, now let's try to get some rest okay?" He asks and I turn my head up to face him.

"You don't have to stay Bell-" I begin to say but barely get out anything before he cuts me off.

"No." He interrupted. "We agreed, on a five rating, I stay the whole day, or whole night."

"I'm sorry." I whisper into his chest.

"I already told you this too, don't be." He says and slowly pushes me off of him so we are both laying on our sides. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me into his chest behind me. I feel his head fall in the crook of my neck.

I turn around within his arms and our faces become only inches apart, our noses nearly touching. He runs his thumb over my cheek and smiles at me.

"What caused this one?" He asks gently and I take a shaky breath.

"A nightmare." I say quietly and he tilts my chin up so I look him in the eyes.

"About what?" He whispers and I shut my eyes in embarrassment.

"You." I whisper. "Losing you."

"Hey," He murmurs. "Look at me." I slowly open my eyes and see him looking at me with so much emotion. So much care.

"You're not going to lose me. I promise." He says and I wish it was true. But anyone can lose anyone, promising you won't only makes it hurt more when it happens.

"You can't promise that type of thing. Stuff happens and people disappear. I don't know how I will handle it when I lose you."

"Hey," he says and brings his face even closer to mine. "There is always an opportunity for something bad to happen. But there is also always an opportunity for something good to happen. So tell yourself that you'll never lose me. Let yourself believe something good for once. Maybe then you'll see that it will turn out okay in the end. It always does. " He kisses the top of my head and I tangle my legs in with his, wanting to be as close to him as possible.

"Because I like to believe that I'll never lose you. And that gets me through it all." He adds hoarsely, some force taking over his voice that I couldn't decipher. Sadness? Worry? Tiredness? Love?

"Show me. Show me I won't lose you." My eyes flutter shut and so do his. There is a brief moment where nothing is said. As he decides what to do and I wait for him to do it.

"Okay." Is all he says before he gently presses his lips to mine. His hand on my cheek pulls my face closer to his, the other on my hip. I kiss him back, reveling in the close feeling of him. I melt further into his body as my lips mold with his. For a moment, my brain stopped and I wasn't thinking about anything. For once there was silence within myself. And with that I found my peace.

I tried to tell myself I wouldn't lose him. That I would have him in my life forever. But it still scared me that I could tell myself things that held false hope. I didn't want to believe something only to let myself down. So I tell myself something else instead:

If I do end up losing him, at least I can say I had him. Even for a little bit. He was there, and I had him.

And that gets me through it all.

•••

This is a draft from a looooong time ago that I touched up and am just now publishing:) (which is why it's not a part of my song themed one shots) anyway, I'm seeing the same reoccurring themes  in a lot of my one shots, so I'm going to try to spice it up a lil.

That does not mean they won't be sad because it appears I can only write sad things at this point lol