this ones a long ish one but enjoy<33
i lay emotionless wrapped in a blanket on the couch at 3am not paying attention to the noise or brightness of the tv screen in front of me.
suddenly two loud knocks on my front door cause me to snap out of my thoughts. i sit up and stare at the door in confusion for a few seconds wondering who would be here at this time before pausing the movie and getting up to go to the door with my blanket still wrapped around my body. slowly, i unlock and open the door revealing the one person i've been trying to forget about hours beforehand.
"what are you doing here ethan its past midnight"
i ask him as he stands on my front porch
he stands motionless with his hands by his side before taking a deep breath and crossing his arms
"i want to talk. about what happened earlier today.you can't keep shutting me out just because you're scared to open up to me."
i say nothing as i unwrap the blanket from my body,let it drop to the ground next to me and put my hands on my hips
"and you can't just show up to my house at 3 in the morning and think it's okay"
we both stand silent while he examines me facial expressions and i hope that he won't notice my puffy eyes or tear stains on my cheeks.
"please just let me in and we can talk about this.please" he says with pleading eyes.
knowing i can't resist those eyes,i let out a long sigh before moving out of the way and letting him inside. we both make your way to the couch where i sit and watch as he slowly follows and carefully makes his way over to me. he takes a seat next to me and and turns his body in my direction. i look at the ground avoiding eye contact before he breaks the silence.
"i know it scares you and i know you think i don't understand why it does but i love you . and you can't keep pushing me away everytime you feel yourself getting closer to me. im not going to apologize for it. i am so in love with you and you need to know that im not letting you go. im not going to lose you over the fact that you think you're not capable of being loved"
i look up from the ground to meet his eyes before proceeding to stand up and make my way to the door prepared to tell him to leave. ethan quickly but gently wraps his hand around my wrist stopping me.
"im not leaving. im not leaving until you give me a real reason to why you want me out of your life." he says with a slight glimpse of sadness in his eyes.
i face him before saying something that we both know isn't true with tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
"i don't love you ethan."
he blankly stares at me as i look towards the ground so he won't see the tears that start to roll from my eyes.
"you don't mean that. you can't say you don't love me when we both know that it's a lie."
and he was right. i did love him. i loved him so much more than i thought or knew i could possibly love anyone or anything.
"look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me and ill leave. ill stop talking to you. ill stop showing up to your house. ill leave you alone. but i want you to look at me in my face and tell me you don't love me."
i stand in front of him looking directly in his eyes with tears now leaving mine at a rapid speed.
"i cant"
my voice cracks as i whisper quietly like i were admitting it to myself for the first time.ethan takes small steps towards me until we're both only a few inches apart from each others bodies.
