Empty Hearts?

Chapter 2~ Troye's pov

After making my mother believe that I was fine, which I was definitely not, I plugged my headphones into my phone and played some Ed Sheeran. Honestly his music is one of the few things that give me even just a little joy in this world. His lyrics are so realistic and full of emotion. The first song that appeared on screen was 'Kiss me'. I quietly sang to the lyrics as I allowed my tired eyes fall closed.

Settle down with me.

Cover me up

Cuddle me in

Lie down with me

And hold me in your arms

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed in my neck

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet

And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now

Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

This feels like falling in love

Falling in lo-

I feel myself start drift off into a sleep for what feels like the first time in forever. I always spend my nights awake, trying to kill myself, or I just sit and think about how unfair life is. Great! Now I have fallen into the endless ebis trap that is my brain. I wish it would all just go away.the curse, my depression, people ignoring me, my (non existent) eating habits, my need to cut, all of it. Mostly I wish I could go away. Be forever gone from this hell planet. People say that there is a god (up there, which I don't believe), and a devil (down there, which is debatable). I believe that the devil sent one of his... Minions? And cursed me with this....this.... Terrible thing that makes me want to kill myself, but doesn't allow me to. You may be asking yourself how does it make you stay alive. Everytime that I have tried to kill myself it was almost successful. Every god damn time I try it lets me so freaking close to death, but then pulls it away from me. Once I jumped of a 3 story build, and guess what happened. Yup, the most cliche thing, a truck full of stuffing. So instead of attempting to kill myself, like I have many times before, I litter my arms, legs, sides, and hips with oh-so relieving cuts. Oh I'm a mess. Oh great! Christmas break will be here after this next week of school. The only good thing about that being, I'm away from people's dreams and hopes and aspirations. Finally my eyes fall shut, and sleep takes over.

I wake up to my alarm clock yelling at me. "I fucking hate waking up. I hate mornings and clocks and food and everything about them!" Oh yeah and I hate life. And myself. I hate that stupid birthmark just below my left eye. I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. (I don't see much of it thankfully)

I trudge my way downstairs after taking my shower and getting dressed. I toss my backpack over my shoulder. Just as I layed my hand on the door knob I hear my mothers voice from about the kitchen area. "Good morning hunny! Do you want some breakfast before school?" Her face fell slightly from her peppy state and her voice went a little bit quieter and had an undertone of worry, likely trying to be hidden. "No Mom, I'm not that hungry." Any remnants of happiness faded from her face. Of freaking course she would think something's up dammit! Ok Troye, think of something make up an excuse. "I really don't feel that good today either." Her face lightened up a little bit, but not much. "Ok hunny. Would you like to stay home today?" She sad with hope. Lots of hope. Does she thinks she can get me to eat if I stay? Psh...no. There really isn't any point in eating if I don't feel anything. I don't get any pleasure. No comfort. Nothing. Just like everything else in my life. Just like me. I am nothing.

"No mom, I'll live, I'm fine." Lies. I won't live. I'm not living. I'm not fine. Definitely not fine."where's Sage and Tyde?"

"They left for school early. For a project I think."

"Oh. Ok, well I-I don't wanna be late for school. Bye mom."

I make my way through the halls so far relatively easy, without stealing anyone's happiness. There is still one last period before the school day is over. A lot can happen in forty-six minutes though.