Life And Worth || A Sanders Sides AU (one-shot)

Life And Worth

This is a one-shot set in my L.A.W. AU. Note: this is NOT the sequel to Love and War - it is a One-shot piece in the series and the sequel will be posted in a separate work on my profile!

WARNINGS: Depression, suicide, major character death, basically all the sad feelings and food mentions. 

Remus was missing. Roman sat in the living room, eyes fixed on the door and ears straining for any footstep, or knock, or for his phone to ring. Remus was missing and they wouldn't let him help look. He had to stay in case Remus came back. He wasn't allowed to go find him.

Because it was Roman's fault.

Roman blinked back tears, taking in a shuddering breath.

They always argued - that's what they did. They were brothers. Twins. They would argue and they would yell and they would say things that weren't true, and that's all there was to it. Roman didn't mean a word he said, but then Remus had vanished.

Vanished and left a note that Roman would never forget finding.

Roman's head snapped back to the door when he heard footsteps, spotting a silhouette through the window there.

He was on his feet in seconds, meeting his dad at the door. Their eyes met and for one, horrible moment, it was silent.

"D-Dad?" Roman forced himself to speak first, and when he did, his father's face crumpled. No. No. No no no no no. "DAD!"

"Roman..." he put his hands on Roman's shoulders, and Roman watched in horror as his dad started to cry. His dad never cried. This couldn't be happening.

"No." Roman pulled away and tried to get out the door, but his dad grabbed him, holding him back. "Let GO! You don't get it, I have to-"

"Roman, he's gone." the man said hollowly. "You can't do anything."

"He's not GONE!" Roman yelled, panic coursing through him. "I-I can fix it, I just... I have to... I have to say sorry. I have to apologize, if I apologize he'll come home. He'll be okay, we'll all be okay, I-"

"He's not coming home." dad whispered.

Roman froze, ignoring the tears that rolled down his face. Ignoring the way the door was closed, and he was pulled over to the couch and sat down. Trying to ignore as his dad explained that they'd found him and it was already too late. There was nothing anyone could do. There was nothing Roman could do.

Roman knew his dad was trying to talk to him. Trying to get him distracted, or to respond, or to do anything but stare at the door like he had been for hours, but Roman couldn't. He couldn't do anything but stare at the door and wish for his brother to walk through it, all smiles and grins and loud inappropriate jokes.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there.

At some point, a blanket was draped across his shoulders, and hot chocolate was placed on the coffee table that he didn't drink. At some point, his mother was in the kitchen sobbing, and his dad was so incredibly quiet. At some point, Roman knew that his parents' friends and family dropped by - maybe all at once, maybe not - and he couldn't get himself to talk to any of them.

Remus was dead, and it was Roman's fault. If Roman had just been... just been a better brother, Remus would still be here. Remus would be sitting on the couch with him, watching cartoons or horror movies and talking about their plans for college. They were going to go to college together - Remus was going to become a forensic scientist. He was going to do everything he'd always wanted to do and more and...

Remus was never going to do anything again.

Roman felt himself drift away, aware of his surroundings and yet completely disconnected.