Mine

Feelings

Over the next few days I am on and off sleeping. I'm feeling much better and Enid says I'm healing nicely. It's almost time for me to get back to work again. All I can think about is Negan. I bet he thinks I'm dead unless someone has told him. I'm not even sure who has been feeding him. I am cleaning up my house good and I hear a knock at the door. I go and answer it and Rick is standing there.

"Hey Rick come on in" I move back and let him walk in.

"How are you feeling Ivy? You look much better" he says with care.

"Oh I am feeling pretty good thanks. I'm sore some but doc said I'm healing good."

Rick nods. "Would you like to go back to working?"

She smiles. She hates being cooped up in the house all the time. And Crystal has been by constantly trying to feed her things and make her take herbs.

"Yes please. I'm going nuts in this house.  Thank you"

Plus it was a way she could see Negan.

"Negan has been going nuts. He kept asking for you and we had Frankie taking him his meals and he flipped his shit the other day. He is struck on you Ivy. Is there something going on there?" He quizzes me.

Oh fuck! "Uhhhh no...well I mean we had a couple of chit chats about life in general. I don't know maybe he just got attached to me in some way." I say hoping he buys it. God damnit I knew letting myself get trapped by him was a horrible idea. My poker face is shit!

Rick stares for a second then nods, "Well I thought about taking you off that job completely...."

My stomach drops at the thought because that's the only way I can see him. Rick continues...

"But since it seems to keep him calm and he is going crazy in there it might be better if I just put you back taking him his food. That is if he won't hurt you. I want to keep you safe and if you are scared of going in there I..."

You cut him off, "No not at all Rick. I get it. It's fine. He doesn't scare me. Plus it's not like he has a weapon or anything."

He nods again, "That is true. Still I want you to watch yourself. Take your knife with you at all times okay?"

"Yes Rick I will" I say.

Rick gets up and fixes his belt holster. "Okay...I better get going. I'm glad you are feeling better. Carol should have his dinner ready in about a half hour."

He heads to the door.

"Yes thank you Rick. I will see ya." I try and sound as if something isn't up. Rick leaves and I immediately get excited as hell to see Negan again. I run to the bathroom to freshen up as much as I can before I go get his dinner. I hope he hasn't given up on me. I bet they have told him about me getting hurt. Or have they? I continue fixing my hair the best I can. I am still a little pale because of being in the house for a few days and getting hurt. I finish and put my shoes on and head to Carol's for the food. After grabbing the plate of food I make my way towards the building that houses Negan. The guard lets me in and I take a deep breath and head down the stairs.

I reach the bottom and I turn the corner to his cell. It's very dark down here but he is sitting in the corner staring at the wall. He looks so damn sad sitting there. He doesn't turn around and I sit the tray down and slide it under the bars and I walk over to the side he is sitting on. I clear my throat. His head turns and he looks my way. His eyes make contact with mine and I smile at him. He doesnt return the smile. I stand there awkwardly.

"Hey you" I say.

He turns back towards the wall. I stand there for a few more silent moments before I hear him barely speak.

"Do you even realize what hell I went through?"

I stand there looking at him, not knowing what to say.

"Do you?"

I get a little angry because I didn't expect this welcome back.

"Seriously Negan! I got hurt and could not come down here. I'm sorry I wasn't here so you could get your dick wet!"

I was angry now. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow as he puts his hands onto the bars.

"You think that's why I'm so tore up?"

He pauses as if I'm gonna answer him.

"You...you are the first thing I've cared about since..." he trailed off. "In a long ass time. I CANNOT bear to lose you Ivy!"

My heart drops as he says this. I did not expect this revelation from him.

"Negan....I...I'm sorry okay....it's not like I meant to get hurt and once I got back I was in the medical center for a while until I was able to come back which pretty much was today. I would have..."

He moves fast and gets right in front of my face. I move back a little not knowing if he is still angry.

"I know darlin...it's just..." he inhaled and then exhales deeply. "I was so fucking scared and worried and nobody would tell me shit other than you were hurt. I didn't know how bad or what was wrong or what the fuck happened!"

I feel my eyes tearing up at this. I had no idea Negan felt this way about me. I move closer to the bars and reach my hand through the bars and stroke his face. He leans into my touch.

"I had no idea you felt that way Negan. I'm sorry I put you through that. If I had been able to get here I would have."

He looks up at me then kisses my palm and places his hand on the outside of mine.

"Darlin, I don't usually break down like this and show my weak caring side but yes, I do care about you a lot. I don't want anything happening to you and it pisses me off that I can't be out there with you to protect you."

I step even closer to the bars and he comes forward too. Our faces merely an inch away from each other now. He leans forward and so do I. Our foreheads touch. We stay like that for a few moments. No words being spoken no noise but the outside wind.

"I care about you too Negan. Your all I thought about when I was out there and got hurt. When I woke up scared in the infirmary not knowing what happened your the first thing they popped into my mind."

He pulls his head back and looks at me. There was something different in his eyes right then. Something I haven't seen before. Not lust, not anger, not regret but care and love.

"Come back and see me later" he says with a strained voice.

I smile at him and nod. "Okay I will"

His hand comes through the bars and gently grabs my chin and brings my face back to the bars. He kisses me still holding my face. I melt into him. THIS was home to me now. Negan was my comfort. I realized before but I surely realize now that I wanna fight for him and beside him. He pulls back and releases my face. I give him another smile before turning and leaving him standing there as I walk back up the stairs.