Finding Hope

Chapter Five

Winter Louss

       "Looking to the shadows, I'm asking myself why.

Looking to the shadows, looking to sky.

I see the stars in your eyes

I see the way they start to shine.

Looking to the shadows

Look into the sky

Looking to stars and

It looks just like your eyes.

Let me look into the shadows, darling

To forget about your eyes

Let me look I to the shadows, baby

I can't look to the skies.

No I can't look into your eyes,"

     Her voice sounds sweet with mine. The guitar hums to the rhythm of the song she reads from the paper. Her voice brings so much more meaning to the words that I wrote. I can hardly believe it was me who wrote them.

     I stop playing at she looks at me. "Its good," she nods her head.

     "You sing," I say, but once I've said it I realize how stupid it sounded.

     She laughs a genuine laugh. The kind where you can see the veins in her neck and she gets little crinkles by her eyes. "Yeah, I sing. And you sing. Quite well, might I add."

     We're silent for a while. We look to the fire. Her phone rings.

     She looks at it, then rolls her eyes. "One second," she holds up a finger and answers it. "Yes, mom?" She stands up, walking a few feet away. "Yeah. Yeah... No... I'm not coming home... I don't care if he wants me to! He can screw off!... No... Whatever. I'm sure. Bye."

     I look at my hands as she puts her phone away. "Sorry," she says.

     "Was that your mom?" I blurt out, even though it isn't any of my buisness.

     She sits next to me and frowns. "Yes. She can't just let me do what I want, ever."

I can't say anything else. I just nod. And then I open my mouth. "Why? I mean, why do you act that way? Towards everyone. You aren't bad." I say without looking at her face.

     "I- well, I mean, I just," she pauses. "It isn't any of your damn buisness." I see her arms cross over her chest.

     "She's your mom." Is all I say.

     "Fine. You know what? Fuck you, too. I'm going home." She says, walking to the door leading off of the roof.

     "Cassidy wait-" she was already gone.

*

     "Winter." My mom said. "I wish you wouldn't do things like this. It hurts me. It hurts us." She glances at me in the rearview mirror.

     "She's right, buddy." Alan says. My brothers nod in agreeance.