“Lisa. Hi. You’re early but I’m ready when you are.” Maria had a purpose in her stride as she headed in our direction. “I just need to go to the NICU right now. Why don’t you come and join me, have a look around.”
We followed Maria to the double doors at the far end of the hallway. She swiped her security pass and the doors opened letting us all enter.
“I know this is daunting, seeing all this. But it will help. It takes the shock away for later, if it’s needed.” Maria took a step back and waited a moment.
“Why don’t you wait here. You can see what’s going on through the window. And I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.” Maria left us to watch.
The hallway was quiet. The glass protected us from the sounds of the machines and the occasional cry. Nurses busily went from one incubator to another, not paying attention to us being there.
A mother sat quietly in a chair, her tiny child resting between her breasts, wires and tubes attached to various parts of the baby’s body making it hard for the mother to reassure her crying baby.
A father watched over his daughter, stroking her cheek through the designated armhole in the incubator as a nurse checked the feeding tube.
“Lisa, please don’t worry. You’ve done nothing wrong. Just make sure you rest. I’m sure, things will work out. They have to.”
“This has been harder than I thought, Nick. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
“I know, love. I know. It’s all been so hard for you. I’m sorry. You’ve enough to deal with. How are you feeling? You’re not too tired?” I went to hold her in my arms, but she turned away from the window and headed down the hallway a bit, just enough so she didn’t have to see anymore.
“I love you, from the first moment I saw you I loved you. Now this. I’m angry, stressed, and I don’t like what it’s doing to me, to our baby. After today, I’ll go and tell mum and dad. But I’m not staying.” She didn’t turn around. Instead, she pulled her shoulders back and stood tall.
“Are you looking forward to telling them?” She was close to her mother…and her father.
“You know, all mum’s going to do is presume it was an accident and accuse me of not being careful enough. And then when I tell her it wasn’t an accident, that we did this on purpose, she will be livid. She’ll think I’ve come home to make their lives difficult, to give them a child that wasn’t healthy. They won’t wait to listen, won’t care how much I loved you.” Her shoulders sank slightly and a tear tracked down her angelic, pale cheek.
“I wish I could be there for you, to help you.”
***
“Right, are you ready? We can go to my office first if you have some questions, or we can just get straight to the main task. Your choice.” Maria was back, coming up behind me, smiling. Ever since we told her, I always got the distinct impression that she was as excited about this as we were.
