pain,, chanlix

|8|

trigger warning
self-harm

"Felix do you want to go out with me after school today," Chan asked as we walked through the hall at lunch.

"No, not today, I can't go out after school during school days," I said and continued walking, "Well I do have to go out if I need to buy food but that's it, "I said and looked back at Chan. 

I decided on walking home today, as we walked into the library. I went to the back and sat at a table as Chan followed, "I think I'll walk home today," I said.

"Are you sure," he asked.

"Yeah," I said and pulled out a book. 

***Schools Over***

I walked from my last class to my locker and picked up all my books. I shoved them all in my bag and walked outside. It was cold, but I didn't mind it. 

I walked home and went inside, not caring if he was home or not. I went into the kitchen and got a cup of water before going upstairs. I sat in my room with my homework surrounding me. I got up and closed the curtains and turned on my desk light before pulling my sweater off. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my broken and bruised body. 

The bruises different shades of purple, blue, and yellow. Gashes laid all over my body and my shoulders covered in bandages covering the never healing scars. 

Like an art project, I walked into the bathroom with limp limbs before locking myself in the room with white linoleum floors. The white light above the mirror was shining a bright white in the room making everything glow.

I grabbed my knife and drew it across my thighs that have hardly been touched by a blade. I dragged it across them and let the paint fall. I thought of a joke since I call the red-blond paint. 

"Jack, paint me like one of your French Girls," I said out loud and laughed at my own joke. I cleaned up my mess and changed into a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I'm getting a job. I don't know why but I want a job. 

I grabbed my phone and ran outside. I looked over jobs and saw a part-time job at a daycare. I like kids, they don't judge me, they make me feel wanted. I got directions to the place before walking inside.

"Hello, "I called into the day-care. 

"Hi, how can I help you," a short lady said standing put from behind a plastic cubby filled with small shoes. 

"I would like to apply for the part-time job, "I said.

"Okay, the kids are napping right now, so let go over there," she said and pointed at a short blue table with small chairs obviously made for little kids. 

"Okay, what's your name and why do you want a job here," she asked as we sat in the small chairs. 

"I'm Lee Felix, and I've been bored and I thought since I like kids, and kids normally like me this would be a job that I would enjoy, "I said.

"Mrs. Yang who's he, "asked a little boy that rubbed his eyes as he held the lady's skirt. 

"He wants to help here, his name is Felix," she said.

"Hi, Felix," he said with a small smile before he wanted over to a mat on the floor and went back to sleep. 

"That's Jinyoung," she said."Anyway, what hours can you work," she asked.

"After school till closing and on the weekends I can help all day," I said.

"Don't you have friends to spend your time with," she asked.

"They all live in Australia, I haven't met many here yet, "I said.

"Oh, okay," she said, "Well when can you start," she asked.

"Tomorrow, "I said.

"Okay, come by tomorrow and help out and after then I'll think about hiring you," she said.

I got up and walked out. I went back home with a slight pep in my step and went inside my house. I went to the kitchen and made dinner before going back upstairs.