Chosen

Chapter 3

I wake up with stiff muscles. I definitely slept wrong. Rolling my sore neck, I swing my feet over the side of the bed, blindly searching for my slippers with my toes. When I find them, I shove my feet into the worn fabric and trudge to my bathroom to get ready. Most trainees share community bathrooms, but being the daughter of the chief has its perks.

I put on a plain t-shirt and pants, pinning my trainee badge to my front. I run a brush through my auburn hair and tame it into a bun with some bobby pins. At least my hair is deciding to behave today. For the most part.

Today is our last day of freedom, my last day of freedom before we're chosen. And I know exactly where I want to spend it.

The Glass Garden is the name that Jay and I came up with for the highest level greenhouse in the agriculture zone. It is the only building that has windows into the world above. Actually it's sort of a joke. The panes of glass are so streaked and coated with grime that you can't even see through them anymore. There's nothing we can do about it either. The windows are out of reach and have no safe access point, and even if they did, there's no way to open them. They're incredibly thick, and have strong steel frames. It was determined long ago that it's too dangerous to attempt creating an access panel here. I'm not even sure we have the tools to get through it if we changed our minds. Still, there's some days where I swear I can see the sunlight fighting its way through. Or at least, I feel like I can sense it. Next to the tech wing, this was my favorite place to fill my training hours for the past five years.

The best part of the Glass Garden isn't so much the plants, but the skywalk above that leads to the growing lamps for maintenance. You're supposed to have lead engineering clearance to come up here, but Jay found a wiring issue with the scanner for this door when we were eight years old, and it's been our special hideout ever since. Sometimes I wonder if Jay knows I got caught by Darla, the lead agriculturalist, the first time I went up here alone. Without her, the scanner would have been fixed long before now. I decided long ago it was best to let him think they just don't care. While Jay understands better than most what my life has been like up until now, he's always been fairly blind to the special treatment I get from everyone in the community. That's one of the reasons he's my best friend. I hate special treatment.

I scurry up the ladder to the skywalk now, after jimmying the door in the back of the toolshed. I lower myself onto the edge of the skywalk, putting my legs over the edge and hooking my arms over the lower part of the railing. This rotation of crops is ready for harvest, and workers are making their way slowly through the rows with baskets in hand. Our Harvest Festival occurs two weeks after the Choosing, and courtesy of Chief Crane's ruthless efficiency, it's the only holiday we get nowadays. I start daydreaming about the last time I helped out in this field. The crop was potatoes that year, and I remember reveling in the dirt under my fingernails and feeling like what I did mattered.

Clattering sounds come from behind me, making me smile to myself. Jay is never quiet. He plops down next to me and jostles my shoulder. "Hey El, sorry I'm late," he huffs, a little out of breath. "Got caught up talking to Milo."

"Sure you did," I tease, giving him a hard time.

He grins and fumbles in his pocket. "Muffin?" He pulls out a half squished bran muffin, sending crumbles down to the field below.

"Jay! What are you doing? You know you can't take food out of the cafeteria," I lecture with a frown. If you don't eat your allotted food, leftovers must be returned and reissued. It's a class three infraction to take food outside the dining hall.

"Hey, it was mine to begin with, I'm just not eating it during my sanctioned time. Are you going to tell on me, oh high and mighty Chieftess?" He breaks off a chunk of muffin and forces it into my hand.

I nibble on it thoughtfully. "Chieftess?"

"Or whatever the lady version of it is supposed to be," Jay laughs with his mouth full.

I ponder the workers in the field below. Things like the food rules have always bugged me for how severe they are, but I see the point in having them. Twenty-six years ago a tragic cave-in devastated the community, killing almost twenty percent of our population. My father had only been appointed chief two years before that, and he took extensive action to ward off the chaos that followed. All jobs deemed 'non-essential' were done away with, their duties becoming shared by the community as a whole on top of their regular jobs. People struggled to train to take the places of those that were lost. With even less people to share responsibility than before, running the community like a well-oiled machine was and is the only way we know to survive.

"Hey...El? You look a million miles away," Jay nudges me, bringing me back to reality.

"Sorry," I sigh and give him a small smile.

Instead of returning it, Jay looks into my eyes, searching for something. "Can I...ask you something?" He grips the railing, waiting for my response.

"You know you can always ask me anything, Jay." His stare has lasted long enough to become uncomfortable.

"Do you think...that you're...going to be a good Chief?" He looks away on the last word.

Caught off guard, I jerk my head back. "What?" I gape, registering in the back of my mind that my mouth is opening and closing, yet unable to stop.

Jay sees the look on my face and backtracks. "No, I mean, I know you'll be a good Chief and stuff, it's not like that! It's more...it just seems that you're so...reluctant to step up, it made me wonder if you...well...I don't know. You're always nice and polite to everyone you meet, but I can tell that you keep everyone at arms length. I was just thinking that as a leader, you have a chance to be greater than your father ever was, if you would just let people get closer." To prove his point, Jay scoots closer and puts his arm around my shoulder. "You can't help the people if you don't really know them."

"I know them! I know pretty much everyone's name and what they do!"

"That's not the same El, and you know it," he says. I hate when he's right.

I lean into him, letting out a sigh as I struggle to form a response. "I feel like it just comes from growing up in the spotlight, you know? Like...people have grown up knowing my name, my face, seemingly everything about my life. They have such high hopes and expectations, and I feel the weight of that every day. I think I just want to...keep some small part of myself for myself. I guess that doesn't make any sense, but that's the best way I can think to say it."

I feel Jay nod before resting his chin on top of my head. "I get that."

We sit there in companionable silence for awhile.

"But just so you know, I feel like I see who you are, and it I don't feel like it makes you any less...you," Jay pulls back to meet my eyes again.

I shrug, knowing that he's right about that. "That's you though, you're different." 

"Well, I'm awesome, I know." Jay's grin is infectious. "I know not everyone can be as amazing as me, but it's still worth trying. Start trying to learn more about people than their names and jobs."

"Yeah I guess," I reply without thinking. When raises his eyebrow at me, I respond with a small smile. "I'll try to work on it," I promise. Deep down I know I mean it. As much as I don't like it, I really do need to try to connect with people in the community. It's my duty as their future leader to try to make our life down here the best it can be, so maybe one day we can not only survive, but truly live.

I just can't seem to get past the idea that by this time tomorrow, my whole life will change, and I'll be swept along in the tide of a life I did not choose.