I'm drowning
It's slow, it's painful, it's so tiring, but I'm almost there, half-way dead, but why am I not numb? isn't the beautiful thing about death is basically feeling nothing? I've never been afraid of the end result, death, it's the self-hate, heart aches, loss and pain that comes along the way that haunts me. WAIT! But I don't want to be dead yet then why have I been stuck in the road that leads to death for a while now, If I'm supposed to drown then why am I taking too long? Do I deserve to feel so much hate? I know I'm not perfect, hell I know I get angry a lot, I know I act like I don't care even if it kills me to watch people I love affected by it, but why do you have to make me feel so miserable? Why do you have to keep pointing out my current flaws when all it does is just make me drawn a bit further away, why can't you understand that by doing this you are making me feel unwanted, you are making me act like I hate you even more while all I needed was just for you to stop pointing out everything and hold me. Just hold me while I cry my heart out without any reason, and you want to know what kills me even more? It's when you ask me to 'talk to you' and tell you 'why am I so miserable' because you don't get it, do you? I actually have nothing to say and I wish I did. I wish I had a good reason to tell you why I've been crying myself to sleep for the past few years or why I'm not as 'perfect' as I used to be, I swear to god I hate it, I hate feeling as if I am the reason for your disappointment, I don't want to be, I want you to love me like when I was younger, I want you to say it's okay to feel not okay and maybe then I will try to fight the waves that have been slowly pulling me further away from the surface, painfully suffocating me and try for once to truly resurface.
Always remember,
Stay Sparklingg xx
YOU ARE READING
halfway dead, halfway alive
RandomBe proud if it hurts cause that's your clue that you're still alive and let me tell you, please, HOLD ON. -This book is basically my random thoughts, they are truly based on how I feel and maybe, just maybe we share the same feelings and hopefully w...
