enigma | reus

15.

MARCO | Don't Hurt Me

It's odd to stand outside of your home and to feel like a stranger. But as I stood outside of the house that Scarlett and I had lived in for years, this was exactly how I felt. I didn't know if I should just walk in or if I should knock, as though I was a stranger, a visitor. Before I could decide, Scarlett opened the door, staring at me for a few moments before turning around and walking away. I followed her inside, not surprised by her lack of greeting.

It was Sunday afternoon. We'd played a scoreless match against Austria in Berlin yesterday, and I had arrived back in Dortmund only three hours ago. Scarlett and I planned to meet yesterday, though we hadn't really stated the purpose. I guess there was no need to. "Where's Lucia?" I finally asked, closing the door behind me. I missed my daughter beyond words—if there was anything I hoped to get out of this, it was the chance to at least see her.

"She's at ballet rehearsal," responded Scarlett, handing me an almost forced mug of coffee.

"I don't drink it," I responded, handing it back to her.

"Oh," she responded. "Right." She took it back and set it on the coffee table. I followed her to the living room, where Lucia's dolls lay strewn around the floor. I looked around the house. We'd chosen one which was more homely than fancy. It wasn't small, but we certainly hadn't maxed out on a huge mansion; even though we could've. Scarlett wanted to, but I thought it'd be better to raise Lucia this way; humbly. Scarlett had always kept it as tidy as she could, but as I looked around now, it was obvious that she hadn't been able to. Knowing her, she'd probably hurriedly cleaned things up this morning because she knew I'd be coming.

Scarlett herself looked fine. She was as beautiful as she'd always been. Time had passed since the incident—I wasn't expecting her to look as though she'd been crying her eyes out every hour of every waking day. But still, something about her seemed different, unfamiliar, unappealing. The funny thing was that she probably thought the exact same thing about me, as we sat there and stared at one another, saying nothing. Finally, she spoke. "You cut your hair."

"Yeah, a few weeks ago." I let out a breath. "Scarlett, you know I'm sorry."

"Do I?" She smiled, cynically. "You don't seem to regret it very much."

"How would you know?" I frowned. "You wouldn't even talk to me for a month. I was blackballed. No one would talk to me. You have no clue what I do and don't seem like, because you ignored me completely."

Scarlett knew I was right, but still, she spoke. "You got a fraction of what you deserved. Look at you now. Everyone loves you again, don't they? I saw you at the Vogue party. You were with Jessica Seeburg, laughing and smiling with everyone."

"That's not—" I froze, then drew in a calming breath. "I didn't come here to fight you, Scarlett. I came to work things out."

Work things out. What did that even mean? Before I met Romessa, I thought it meant we'd get back together. But now, I wasn't sure. Then again, wouldn't I be a fool to completely leave Scarlett for Romessa? She was the mother of my child; she was permanent. Romessa was a teenager, here for the summer and then gone. I let out a breath, growing stressed by the dilemma, before listening to Scarlett speak. "Lucia's ballet practice is over now," she spoke. "You can pick her up."

I stood immediately. I knew that this was Scarlett's way of subtly offering me a chance, allowing me to finally see my daughter. "Thank you," I spoke, before fishing my car keys out of my pocket. "I'll bring her back afterwards."

This was a lie, of course. When I arrived to Lucia's ballet studio, I entered it almost nervously, my eyes searching for my daughter amongst the deluge of little girls dressed in tutus. But she wasn't hard to spot; the adorable blonde-haired toddler with big blue eyes and a messy ballerina bun. When she saw me, she ran to me as fast as she could, stumbling over her small legs and tripping onto my shoes. She got up from the fall, though, and began to jump up as she spoke. "Papa! papa!"