life kinda sucks | life updates / venting |

hi

I dont wanna be alive anymore its too much for such a used body like mine, I have nothing under control everything is going wrong, everything is going wrong its never ever never ever never ever never ever gonna stop I'm gonna go insane I cant take such stress it too much ive cut myself ive hurt myself ive pulled my hair out ive isolated ive eaten way less ive over eaten ive tried fucking killing myself and nothing works to ease this pain its a pain that'll be here forever, it cant ever be reversed it can NEVER be reversed EVER wanna know why? because I am what people mad me I am what people said I am and what I should be if im said something enough times I will trust that what they are saying is true amd you know what I know im ugly I know I'm stupid I know I'm fat i know I will never be what my parents want I will never be perfect I will never be what people want of me, I almost pass out every. fucking. day, I hear my heart beat and my vision get fuzzy and black and I stumble around I just want too pass put okay id rather be passed out or drunk or overdosed I can hear screaming in my head just screaming for help and screaming at myself to get that voice out my head I need help I need help I need help im getting help but it isnt working why do I do this why do i ruin all aspects of my life why do I have too have such craving for that sexual pleasure release feeling, why you ask? I want to die I just want to die I want to feel my body fall to the ground and get limp and just release back into the world