The Lights In the Sky

Chapter 28

Mom and Tabitha came home later that evening. Later than I anticipated. It was long enough for me to steel my nerves against what I knew had to be done. What this new, strange voice was telling me to do. To accept it. To cry. To laugh. To sleep. To dream.

They put the groceries on the counter in the kitchen. Mom gasped when she saw the knives. I was sitting straight up, watching a documentary about apes in a zoo. Watching to see how the environment changed them. Made them insane.

She stepped into the room, keeping Tabitha in the kitchen with one hand. I had covered my bloody skin with the gray hoodie, hoping she couldn't see anything.

"Honey," she said. "What happened?"

I turned to her and smiled. I didn't want her to be afraid.

"Frank and Deborah were here," I said.

"Oh," she said, in that kind of you didn't really answer my question way.

"Did you go see Grandma?" I asked.

"Yes," she said.

"How was she?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "Good."

"Good," I said. The knife was on the cushion next to me.

I asked Mom if I could see Tabitha. Almost automatically, Mom pulled my sister into the room. She held her against her thighs, keeping her close. I smiled and got to my feet. The knife was in my right hand, behind my back.

I knelt down in front of her. Put a finger through her hair.

"I think you're the prettiest girl I know," I told her.

She smiled. I told her that I met her friend last night. That he was scary at first but really nice. I positioned myself in front of the kitchen doorway. Mom and Tabitha took a step back in unison.

She knew. Mom, I mean. She knew. Maybe not what was going to happen, but she knew that there was something wrong. That she and Tabitha were alone and that whatever I wanted to happen would happen. Without standing up, I told Tabitha that we should play a game.

"Okay," she said wearily.

"How about Hide and Seek?" I asked her. She smiled. All the unease she had about my behavior seemed to lift when I mentioned the game. It was our special thing. It made her feel alright.

"Can I count first?" she asked. I shook my head.

"No," I said, "I need you to hide, okay? I want to count."

I closed my eyes. Heard her as she pulled away from Mom's limp hands and ran past me, into the kitchen. When I opened my eyes again, Mom was only inches from me. Her hand was on my wrist. She saw the knife.

Mom slammed my hand against the wall, nearly knocking the knife from my fingers. We were both careful to stay silent for Tabitha.

"Don't do this," she whispered, trying to wrestle the weapon from me.

"They won't stop," I said, my voice wavering, "they're going to take her."

"You don't know that, Sammy, please!" she cried.

I pulled my wrist away from the wall. With Mom still attached, my back hit the drywall and the stud underneath. She was standing before me, trying with both hands to pull my hands away. One of my hands was on the handle of the blade, my opposite forearm pressed against her neck.

"You didn't start counting!" Tabitha's voice came from the kitchen.

Mom looked up at me, silently sobbing.