Short Stories

Sharon

I think the first woman I ever loved was Sharon.

We were a Tindr hookup, both of us looking for one night stands. She wasn't gorgeous, but she was attractive - a solid six, maybe a seven on a good day. I swiped right on her picture, we matched. We chatted. She said she wanted to get to know me a little first.

I think I wrote that I was pretty boring. I was an office drone who finally had time and money to get a girlfriend but no girls were really interested in me other than for hookups. I know exactly what she wrote back.

"Oh. :( I feel really bad now, lol, cuz I just want a hookup."

It was cool, I told her, hookups were fun. She was 32; I was 27. We chatted for a month before she finally relented and agreed to come to my place.

The day of she texted me she had done a background check. It was cool; I'd had no arrests, I was a law-abiding citizen. "Felt bad not telling you," she said.

She came over. The plan was a netflix movie and popcorn, and then maybe some music, we could talk, and eventually sex.

I was letting her pick. She chatted nervously as she flipped through the screen, saying inane things.

Ultimately, she admitted to me she was a virgin, and that's why she was doing this. She was 32, right, so it was about time. I pressed. She had one romantic kiss in her life when she was twelve and nothing ever came of it. No boyfriends.

She finally picked a movie, a romcom, but now I was intrigued. Our conversation trailed away from past love lives (me, experienced; four girlfriends and three several-month-long hookups, though I'd only.been having sex the past four or five years myself) to other things.

Even on text I found her fascinating; now in real life, she opened up a bit more. We didn't have sex, I drove her to her apartment at four in the morning after finding out she didn't have a car. I wasn't even disappointed.

The next day at work all I did was think of her. She texted me off and on, and invited me to her place that night, since I already knew where she lived.

I went. She owned some fish. She explained to me that she didn't have service all day that day: she worked at an animal rescue and they had been getting a lost exotic pet to safety.

For a whole month we spent as much time together as we could, texting and going on small dates. Our plans had totally fallen to the wayside. We were in love.

I'm not really sure when we started dating, officially. My friends noticed before I did, I think; always talking about her, getting a stupid grin when I thought of her.

For Thanksgiving, I invited her for dinner with my family. She came. I visited her family.

It was March when I proposed to her. She accepted. We began to plan a wedding.

I hurt Sharon, the day she left me. I don't know what I was thinking, all I know is that I regret it to this day. It wasn't cheating, which is what I'm sure most of you are thinking.

Her heart broke in two. She said, "You aren't the man I thought you were. You heard me, day one, say that I wanted to give my virginity to someone kind. And now you go and do this."

I had been drinking. I was drunk. I only half-remember it. Mostly I remember the way Sharon looked at me... God, if I'm damned for hell, hell is her looking at me like that.

The other day, I matched with Sharon on Tindr again. She looked more tired. More heart broken. I swept left, but found her page on Facebook again. Betrayed. Hurt. If I could rip off my hands, I would.

Pain is supposed to heal with time. I can see the scar in one photo she has. Smiling. Happy. But she'll never be the same.

If I could take it all back, I would. But I don't deserve a second chance. I don't know why I'm on Tindr, really. I couldn't love anyone but her. Couldn't find someone who changed my world for the better.

It's getting late. I'd better get to sleep. Sharon, if you ever see this... I'm sorry.

I hope you're happy. I hope you find someone who's actually good to you, good for you.

I'm sorry.