For My Fellow Survivors

Shopping

*here's some humor*

Danny Reagan looked at the text he had received from his wife.
Linda: On your way home, can you pick up some stuff?
Danny: What stuff?
Linda: Chocolate, asparagus, spinach, period pads, lemon scented polish, and detergent.
Danny sent her a thumbs up and a kissy face emoji. She answered with the thank you hands and the kiss mark emoji.
******
Danny walked though the store, picking up the food first then the detergent and polish. He made a detour to the wine and beer aisle and picked up a bottle of Linda's favorite red wine, and a six pack of his favorite beer. "Now the scary part," he whispered to himself as he made his way to the feminine products aisle.
Danny stared at the rows and rows of female hygiene products. He had no idea which ones Linda liked; after being married for eighteen years, he thought he should know that kind of thing. Then again, he didn't know what kind of soap or body wash or lotion she liked either. Come to think of it, he didn't really know any of the hygiene products she liked. To him, it was always soap. He never used lotion or fancy body washes, it was always soap.
Hell, I don't even know what soap I like. Danny stared at the shelves, trying to decide which ones to buy. He pulled out his phone and called his wife.
"Hi, Danny. Whassup?" Linda answered.
"Why the hell do they make so many?"
Linda laughed, knowing what he meant. "Cause not everybody's the same. Some people need lotsa protection, some need a little. Some like wings, some don't. Some like tampons-"
"Hold it... didja say wings?"
"Yeah, So?"
"Wings? Where do you put the wings?"
Linda laughed again, this was just too good. "There for people who are active. The wings sorta clip on to the undies so it doesn't shift."
"Man! I'm so glad I'm a boy!"
His wife laughed so hard, she started crying.
Danny couldn't get a word in edgewise, and he waited, quite annoyed and a little embarrassed.
"You're so funny!" Linda said after she had calmed down.
"I'm hilarious. Which ones do you want?"
"The Kotex Maxi Pad, Overnight Protection."
"Say what?"
"It's the purple bag with the words Kotex and Overnight. There should be a moon on it. Make sure it's the long one."
"Huh?"
"Once you find it, send me a picture. I'll tell ya if that's the right one."
"Okay," Danny hung up and picked up a package that looked like what Linda had described. He sent her a picture, and, after three more tries, got it right.
******
When Danny walked into the house, he went straight for the kitchen. "Don't ever send me to get your girly stuff ever again." He places the bags on the counter and grabbed a beer. Plopping down on the couch, he said, "that was scary."
Linda laughed and kissed his cheek. Patting his shoulder, she stated, "I'm very proud of you. You did good."
"Wings, tampons, long, short, wide, secretive. Why the hell would you wanna stick something up there, other than your husband's something?"
Linda laughed again, "I don't know, Danny. I don't like tampons, either.... but..." she traced her finger over the side of his face. "I like your something."
Danny smirked and put his beer down. He kissed his wife, and led her upstairs to their bedroom, where Linda thanked him for being a good husband.