Paradise Lost - YongShin

Where Fear Lives

"Just once in a day, I remember you, miss you

Just once in a day, I try to forget

This can't be right, this can't be right

If this isn't right, then what am I supposed to do?

Distraught, gone crazy

If I endlessly call out

will you take a last glance?"

Jung Yonghwa

"We should fix this part. It still doesn't sound right." Yonghwa explained to Jonghyun. His band mate nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, something seems off."

It was almost midnight but they were still working on a new song.

"You look exhausted, Hyung." Jonghyun stated while watching his leader worriedly. "Can you still not get a proper sleep? It's been weeks, actually months already..."

"Ah, it's alright." Yonghwa played it down like he usually did. He restrained himself from massaging the bridge on his nose. It was true, he did feel exhausted. But above all he felt empty. Sometimes he wondered if he could ever laugh freely again – if the weight upon his heart would ever vanish. However, he didn't want his brothers to worry about him any more than they already did. After all it was the punishment he deserved for his behaviour in the past.

"How can it be alright? You've been like this since Shinhye-yah and you... Well it has been like this for too long. Shouldn't you consider seeing a doctor about it? I know you put on a straight face in front of the Dongsaengs but you can't fool me. You are not over her and keeping it all to yourself won't heal anything. You need to take care of your health!"

Jonghyun was usually not the type to interfere with someone's personal life too much. Normally he would only share advice if asked. Hearing him say those words made Yonghwa realise how much he must worry about him.

"I will be better." Yonghwa tried convincing his younger brother half-heartedly. "It's just that I still miss her so much. I've never been without her, since we met all those years ago. Even when I went on "We got married" we at least talked on the phone. Not seeing her, not even being able to hear her voice anymore... It's like she left this huge hole within me when we stopped talking and I can't seem to fill it, doesn't matter how hard I try."

"But why won't you talk to her then? Why would you want to cheat your way out of it by trying to replace her in some way? It won't work, Hyung. You miss her and I am sure she misses you, too." Jonghyun gave his best to convince Yonghwa. He did already lose count on how many times he had tried to do so before.

"Because she said she doesn't want to see me anymore. She said I hurt her too much." Yonghwa stated stubbornly, his voice suddenly becoming hoarse by the mere thought of it.

"Hyung, how could you take her words literally? It's been months already. You've been so close all these years. There is no way she could actually cut you from her life. I don't even believe she wanted this. It's not like you are able to really let her go either. Why do you guys have to keep torturing each other instead of finally sorting things out?"

"Because she doesn't love me anymore and I can't blame her for it. She loves him now." Yonghwa answered agonized.

"I don't believe that. Hyung, you may have hurt her with your jealousy and mistrust but she is not the kind of person who would simply fall out of love because of that. She couldn't; your bond is way too strong. Why is it that you can't seem to understand this when it is actually you who knows her better than anyone else?"