1 year later...
So to say a lot has happened since I left Jesse, a lot has happened. I moved across the country from hometown Oakland, California to southern Tennessee. I finally had Rosalynn and life has changed but for the better. I can say I could do without the crying and lack of sleep from the 4-month-old but other than that I would keep her. I mean I have to keep her now.
When I left I felt like everywhere I went Jesse would find me and thankfully he didn't cuz in the meantime I fell in love with a guy named James, who isn't in a gang. Thank you very much. He didn't care that the kid wasn't his and he loves me for me and just because he's my baby daddy.
I know that he would never put me or Rosalynn in danger. In the midst of my love life, I still kept in touch with Lisa.
" I'm finna go to work catch you this afternoon." James emerges from our bedroom in my two-bedroom apartment and kisses me on the cheek.
"See you later cutie." He taps Rosalynn's nose and she squeals with glee in my arms. He walks out of the house and I can't help but smile. "Let's get you dressed out of these pj's and visit your Auntie," I say as I take Rosalynn to her nursery.
After I moved Lisa stayed in Oakland for a bit figuring out her own shit before coming over to Tennessee. She and Lincoln work out a long-distance relationship somehow and keep my whereabout under wraps from Jesse. I didn't want him finding me since it would only cause problems.
After dressing her I change clothes myself and we head over to Lisa's house. Knocking on the door Lincoln appears in the doorway which surprises me.
"Oh, Lincoln! You're in town? Here to see Lisa?" I ask "Yes, but we have bigger issues to talk about first. I think you should go back home since you know who is here;" he looks down at Rosalynn who's currently chewing on her baby rattle. " this would cause a lot of turmoil I know you don't want."
All I can do is nod my head and get back in the car and drive home. Why does he have to be here and now? Just when I was starting to get used to my life being, what? Consistently normal? I lay my head on the steering wheel and think about my options.
I can't just ask James to up and leave Tennessee because he'll know something's up, plus he'd be leaving all his family as well. I can't leave again because I just settled down, even though it's only been a year.
Arriving at the house I take Rosalynn inside and set her in her crib with a couple of toys while grabbing my phone and dialing Lisa's number.
"Heey." she answers sounding weary.
"Don't give me that 'hey.' Lincoln told me Jesse's in town. Did you know about this and just decided not to tell me. If you thought it was best to-"
"I didn't keep it from you. Lincoln arrived today and was like,' change of plans, Jesse wanted to come too.' When I asked him why he explained that Jesse never stopped looking for you and thought maybe you were here with me but I denied the accusation." Lisa explains.
"Where is Jesse right now. He could be eavesdropping you know." At this point, I was pacing around the room as too many thoughts ran through my head. The biggest one of all. I would need to tell James about my past.
Now don't get me wrong, he knows all about how I got knocked up but he doesn't know about my kidnapping. That's something I wanted to keep under wraps for as long as I needed to. I don't want to relive that traumatic experience again or have him use that as some kind of weapon to point out my faults. And this is what I get for reading so many crime shows. They always involve abuse in some way, and I will not tolerate it.
"Lincoln and him left awhile ago to get a beer somewhere, I think. No one's here but me."
"Lisa what am I going to do?!" I sort of cry out trying not to alarm Rosa.
"If he finds you ask him for child support. If you don't want to be with him then ask him for that. And it's not like he can get custody with his name being tarnished by his gang's reputation."
"But then he's going to think I'm some kind of gold digger." I explain.
"Okay. So what? This is your baby. What's he going to do about it? As long as I'm taking care of you and am by your side, Lincoln and I won't let anything happen to both of you." I smile at her words.
"Thanks, but Lincoln's loyalties lie with Jesse. He may tell you everything but c'mon, not everything. I appreciate the help though."
"I feel kind of hurt you doubt us. We've kept this secret for a whole year from Jesse and now your questioning out loyalties?"
"Lisa, I just feel like after being with someone for so long you can never escape your roots. Plus I'm being cautious so look at it from my side." I explain. I'm scared for my life at this point. All Jesse brings is danger, danger I won't have around me or Rosa.
"Wow. I can see where your loyalties lay." With that, she hangs up. Something wet hits my hand and I realize tears are falling from my eyes. I wipe the tears away but they just keep falling out of my control. Soon I'm sobbing followed by Rosa's soft cries after seeing my sadness. I'm just being cautious and she can't see that. I don't want to get hurt or got through that again. NO! I won't go through that again, over my dead body.
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