For You

Her First Date

I invited him over a cup of coffee. To tell him what I feel. But I am too afraid and nervous and confused as to how and why.

He was still staring at me from the moment he sat down. I was getting all these dinosaurs in my stomach so I started to speak.

"So..."

Of course my brain would stop functioning mid way. I didn't know what to say afterwards, so I sipped my coffee instead. I looked away at him, nervous he'd notice I am. Should I say it? Or should I not? I don't want to lose him, as a friend, or even just someone that he just know. But I don't know how to tell him.

"What?" He asked. Closing my eyes and thinking it's going to be okay, I opened them and looked him straight in the eyes. I noticed it again. His eyes that speaks billion words but only spoke a few.

Afraid he'd noticed I was rudely staring, I decided to look away again. I never wanted to look people in the eyes. I never wanted to read them without their permission. I don't want to read an open diary just because it's not locked.

Practicing in my mind the mantra again, I decided to look at him again. I was too afraid and nervous what would his respond would be. Would that even matter? Maybe. But all I wanted him is to know that even though he thinks that he is alone and he is unlikable, he is not. Maybe it is my fault for realizing it too late. Why am I so secretive? Why am I good at keeping my emotions and thoughts all to myself? Maybe I should have told him years ago what I felt and what I feel. Maybe, just maybe, this same scenario would have happened but with different emotions.

"I need to tell you something important." I said and looked at him again. "Please close your eyes." I pleaded and was not surprised that he did.

I decided to tell him up close, so that he would be the only person in this place to know. I tried my best to move my chair silently but still it made tiny noises. I stood closer to him, exhaling a bit and whispered.

"I like you."

When I sat down on my chair, I saw how confused, nervous and doubtful he is. I started to breathe in my emotions and decided not to break down in front of him. I blinked rapidly so that no tears would come out. I took a sip of my now cold coffee and put my hands on my lap, clenching them as if to hold my emotions tighter. I looked at him and tried my best to smile so that he wouldn't notice how I truly feel. Finally, he responded to me.

"I'm sorry."