Higher / a7x

Seize The Day

*Zacky's POV*

I sat in my car, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for River and Tennessee to get outta school, then I had to pick up Cash from preschool, after that Nicci from kindergarten. Johnny was currently babysitting Ozzy and Monroe at Matt's house.

We all decided to finally start our lives again, after one month of mourning. Did I want to do this? No, for all I cared I could get buried alive, however we all decided that we should do it for the kids. Matt went to family consultation because he wanted to know how to deal with all of this without yelling at his children like last time. One day he took all of the kids to Disneyland, just him and the kids and there they all made up.

I went to therapy a few times, due to the guys and girls' request and sadly I was prescribed PTSD medication along with antidepressants.

They made me numb. Everything made me numb. Life was so gray without Brian. I missed everything about that guy and when I say everything I mean, everything.

I missed the way he would bring us coffees to the studio, as a way of saying sorry for sleeping-in and being late. He was almost never late though, he was always the first one in the studio and the last one to leave.

I missed the way he would get so passionate in the studio, work with him was always easy, well, maybe because we were pretty much the same person when it came to music. I missed the way he would scream and curse half-way through a perfect solo, because one note was slightly off-pitch.

I missed the way he would blast Mr Bungle and Duran Duran at four in the morning while we were on the bus.

I missed the way he would just sing at the top of his lungs when we would go to karaoke bars.

I missed how he always made his loved ones feel special, I missed how he would make sure we felt good and I missed how he always made sure everyone was having a great time, especially on their birthday, he always made the best parties and gave the best gifts, however he never wanted anything in return. I missed the way he would randomly tell us he loves us. Just walking past us, down the hallway and with a playful pat on the bottom, he would chuckle and say, "Love you, brother."

I missed him.

I was pulled out of my trance when there was a knock on my window. I opened the door and got out, to see River and Tennessee standing next to the van, "Oh hi, chipmunks. How was school?"

Tennessee shrugged, however River spoke up, "Can we talk, uncle Zack?"

I sensed that my nephew was kinda upset, so I quickly buckled up Tennessee in his seat in the back row, then I crouched down to be one level with River, "I'm listening, love."

He played with the edge of his Iron Maiden shirt, something that he did often when he got sad or nervous, "S-Some kids, older than me, wanted to know more about uncle B-Bri."

Every single hair on my body stood up. I was nervous to hear what else these kids had to say about my brother. I nodded slowly, encouraging the small guy to continue, "They started a-asking questions, ones that I didn't l-like. Why did they do-do that?"

I sighed as I put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. His lip was trembling, I could see that he was really upset, "Hey, hey... Ignore them. If they ask more questions, tell them about how badass of a guy your uncle was, then tell them that his brothers, your uncles are just as badass as him and if they don't stop bothering you, they will have issues. Okay, hun?"

River nodded as he raised a hand to his eye and rubbed it, trying to get rid of the tears. I sighed as I pulled him into a hug and he just buried his face in the crook of my neck. I gave him a squeeze as I kissed his head, rubbing his back, "Are you okay, small dude?"

River nodded as he pulled back and smiled at me, "Thanks, uncle Zack."

I smiled as I got up and lifted him up, helping him up so he could get in the van, "No need to thank me, Riv. Now let's go get your cousins."

-

"They're dead."

I sighed as I played with my lighter, "They're kids, Matt."

The guys and I were sitting in Matt's backyard while Val and Mich helped the small guys do their homework, Lacey was in the house as well to watch over Ozzy and Monroe.

Matt furrowed his everybrows as he held his coffee mug in his hands, trying to warm them, "But why do kids nowadays have to be so cruel? We were pieces of shit when we were younger, however we weren't nearly as bad as them."

Johnny shrugged as he rubbed his eye, "I don't know, man. It sure as hell is fucked up. Kid or not, you don't just go up to a person and ask them about their deceased family, y'know."

Matt shook his head as he looked at the ground, "Please, don't use that word. Any other word, but not that one."

Johnny apologized and we became quiet. However, a few moments later, I spoke up, "Hey, what's gonna happen with the band?"

Matt sighed as he shook his head, "This time, we can't contine. We really can't. We were five, now we're just three. It ain't gonna work."

Johnny nodded as he wrapped the hoodie he was wearing tighter around him, "We really can't. No person was able to replace Jimmy and no one can come close to how good Brian was on the guitar, not just that, no person can replace any of them in general. It's not gonna sound the same. We're not gonna be the same, as people."

Silence took over us and wind picked up. I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair, "These were the best twenty years of my life, guys. And, y'know, I grew up with ya, you're my family. I love you."