we looked like giants (chaelisa)

chapter 4

Chaeyoung wants more. Wants more touching, wants more skin, wants more laughter, wants more cuddling, wants more Lisa. Chaeyoung wants so badly to be something other than just a friend and a good fuck to her roommate. She wants Lisa to come to her junior showcase on her arm. She wants to wake up beside Lisa every morning without one of them having to sneak back to their own room before anyone else gets up. She wants to be able to kiss Lisa in public without worrying who will see or if Lisa is going to accuse Chaeyoung of getting too involved and walk away from her forever.

She tries to tell herself she's not falling in love with Lisa. She tries to tell herself she could live without Lisa if the other girl ever decided to end what was going on between them. But all of these reassurances are thrown out the window every time Lisa smiles at Chaeyoung. All Lisa has to do is grin in Chaeyoung's direction and it's like the rest of the world falls away. Chaeyoung kind of hates herself for being such a sap.

Lisa seems to know what she's thinking because every time Chaeyoung tries to have the conversation with her, she'll suddenly be late for work or need to meet a friend or just jump Chaeyoung's bones. While Chaeyoung can't exactly complain about the latter, she is beginning to get quite frustrated by the situation. She's not sure how much longer she can hold in her secret without blurting it out. However, she makes it through the semester without exposing herself and her arrangement with Lisa goes on as usual.

She spends her Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks in awkward silence with her mom and missing Lisa desperately. She can only hope Lisa misses her just as much. Judging by the intensity of the sex following the separation, Chaeyoung thinks maybe, just maybe, Lisa might feel the same.

"So we should probably talk about... whatever this is between us."

Chaeyoung isn't really sure what she's doing because trying to talk to Lisa about feelings is kind of like cornering an angry tiger. And then poking it with a stick.

"Chaeyoung, can we not talk about this right now?"

Right now being while they are still naked and panting in Chaeyoung's bed. Lisa's laying underneath Chaeyoung and gazing up at her with that air of indifference that Chaeyoung kind of hates. Well, sometimes she finds it really hot, but right now she wishes it would just go away.

"And when are you going to want to talk about it? I'm tired of not knowing where I stand with you, Lisa. You can't keep avoiding this conversation."

Lisa huffs in annoyance and Chaeyoung is momentarily distracted by the sensation of their nipples brushing together. She almost gives into the temptation to forget the imminent argument and fuck Lisa into oblivion again, but her hardheadedness wins out and she sits up so she is straddling Lisa's hips, the sheets pooling around her thighs.

"Lisa, please. I can't keep doing this without knowing what you're thinking. I... may or may not have feelings for you and I just really wish you'd talk to me."

Lisa sighs and turns her piercing gaze away from Chaeyoung. Her wild chestnut hair is fanned out around her head on the pillow and Chaeyoung would compare her to an angel if she weren't so annoyed with her right now. Lisa finally swallows hard and props herself up on her elbows.

"Then maybe we should stop doing this."

Chaeyoung's stomach drops. This is not the way she envisioned this conversation going at all.

"Lisa..."

"If you're unhappy with the way things are now, Chaeyoung, we need to end it. I'm afraid I can't give you what you want."

Lisa can't give Chaeyoung feelings. Closing her eyes against the keen sting of disappointment, Chaeyoung breathes deeply through her nose. She feels hands rest themselves on her thighs and thumbs begin to rub comforting circles into the skin there. When Chaeyoung opens her eyes, Lisa's gaze is full of hurt and regret. Fuck stopping. Chaeyoung would rather have part of Lisa than not have her at all. Chaeyoung's voice shakes with unwelcome emotion when she speaks.