i don't have friends. well, not really at least. i have friends in the traditional sense of the word (people you choose to associate with socially due to similarities in personality or personal beliefs, etc). however, i don't have the friends that are just always there. my friends are less of friends and more of people i'm there for 24/7 but are only there for me once convenient to them. i have those. and the worst part is, i don't even care anymore. like the hurt is gone, now all i have is emptiness and longing for an emotional connection. i think it's just be easier to be alone, i have my books and music to keep me company, but i'm too afraid of how it would effect them, so i just stay. although, i don't think i'm even there anymore to them. i'm more of a background character, and extra on their movie, an afterthought, a last resort. all i want is something real, a connection that's authentically real, built on raw emotion. but i get books and music.
