The Man In The Midnight Blue Suit

Chapter Eleven

Jonathan holds his head in his hands. The memory of what has passed weighs him down. His tears flow freely now. While he told me his story, he held them off. His voice had been clear, calm, but I knew that it took all his self-control to not break down. I couldn't have blamed him. He fell in love. I couldn't imagine what that would have been like for him after he'd been through so much at Lucian's hand.

For the first time, I begin to think of my brother as a victim in this too. We are both players unwillingly conscripted into Lucian's game, the rules of which we were never told.

Lucian is the cause of this. He's the cause of everything. All the answers I get lead to him. It seems to me that he's using us. For what?

I watch Jonathan as he is racked by grief. Slowly, I reach out and rest my hand on his back. His body seems to soften at my touch. I move closer to him, drawing my other arm around his body. He gratefully rests his head on my shoulder, his tears never ceasing. How long has it been since he's had a shoulder to cry on?

We stay like that for what could be minutes or hours. Moments like these take so much time and yet no time at all. I don't move. I couldn't, not when Jonathan was in desperate need of comfort. After a while, his tears stop. His breathing returns to normal. He sits back in his armchair, wiping his face. I move back to my window seat.

"Sorry, I -"
"Jonathan, it's fine," I say, cutting him off. "You never did anything wrong."
He nods and shrivels his nose. He looks out the window – he never did like showing his emotions. He was like Dad, in that way.
"If you don't mind me saying, though," I add, "It bothers me how much mystery surrounds her."
"Everything in this place is surrounded by mystery, Casey," Jonathan says with a sigh. And I suppose it's true.
"I think that's the first time I've seen you cry," I say.
"They don't usually get the better of me like that."
"Don't talk about emotions as if they're unnatural. Everyone has them. I don't want you to end up like Dad – or, Mum, for that matter."
"You remember him?"
"Only a little. But mostly I have what Mum told me. She became like a husk after you left. She bottled up anything and everything emotional. It ruined her."
"Holy..." Jonathan gets up, frustrated. "I can't believe myself. I did that to her. I was gone, and I hardly spared a second thought."
"Yeah."
"I couldn't be worse at being your brother."
"No, no. P lease don't say that." I stand up too now, hurrying to stop the thoughts going through his head. "You're my brother, Jonathan. I've always looked up to you, even after you were gone. I had no one else. We both have our flaws, but I wouldn't want anyone else as my big brother." I huddle into his shoulder.
"Even after I lied to you about Lucian, about all this? I hate myself for thinking for one moment that he might help me. I put you in peril because of it. After her, I should have known better." He pushes me away. "You shouldn't forgive me for that."
"Look where we are Jonathan. Even if I hated you, I wouldn't have a choice but to forgive you. We're literally all we have."

Jonathan sits back down. "How did we end up here, Casey?" He asks.
"I don't know. But I don't think we can go back from this. We are a part of this weird, Elite world. The only way is forward, right?"

Jonathan looks back at his mess of books and papers. "Before you burst in, I was... searching. For something about Lucian's purpose. Over my time here I've learnt a lot, much more than Lucian thinks I know – though to him I'm no more useful than a potato skin. The one thing I don't know anything about is why he tried to train me, why he's trying to train you. And others before us. I can't find anything." Jonathan shakes his head. "I was searching to try and help you. I want to help you, Casey, and I can, but -"
"If we don't know why we're here, how are we meant to prepare, or plan, anything?"
Jonathan smiles at my answer. The expression is a welcome change from grief and frustration. "What I'm trying to ask," Jonathan says, his eyes twinkling with possibility, "Is if you'll let me help you. Lucian's training is brutal and his patience is even worse. I know from personal experience. I can help you survive Lucian's brutality. You can get through his training and find out what this is all for. And then," Jonathan looks around before leaning forward. His voice is no more than a wisp of breath. "Maybe we can fight it."

My breath catches in my throat. Jonathan doesn't give me any time to think before he continues, now out loud, "I could teach you about Elites, about Lucian. I could tell you everything I know. It might take some time, but," He takes a sharp breath, "It's the least I can do to help you after I lied to you and confused you and – " he gulps nervously, "And put my own selfish wants, things I already knew were impossible, before my sister's needs. You were scared and confused and I did everything but help. Please, let me help you now."

I stare at my hands, unwilling to look at Jonathan's pleading face. Part of me still wants to refuse anything to do with 'training', without knowing what it's leading to. But if I ever want to get answers, if I ever want to get out of here...

This may be my only chance.

I lift my head and grin at Jonathan. "When can we start?"