The room stuck from the aftermath of a mass of students, with sweaty bodies and lax hygiene habits, all in one room. The foul, irritating stench hung around due to the lack of openings to air the smell out. The intrusions along the dilapidated brick walls with numerous cracks exposed heir fragility. The rectangular wooden desks were lined horizontally to fall in line with desks from other rows and vertically to line with desks of the same row. I gazed at their hideous markings. The desks were carved in with various words inked in blue pen and were stained horribly with spilled ink and dried gum stains.
Shortly after the incident, I was told to wait in her classroom patiently and she'd be there shortly.
Anxiety crept in as I idly observed the furniture of the classroom as I waited for my for teacher to arrive. I became uncomfortably conscious of the ticking of the clock hung on the wall, signalling each passing second. I cringed as I reflected on my actions, realising I was probably going hit. My heart clenched at the thought, picking up its pace drastically.
The click-click of heels signalled her approach, each step making each beat of my heart seem like an eternity. I kept my back to her, too ashamed to face her knowing the disappointment that would be on her face.
"Justin, look at me," She demanded. I could hear the anticipated disappointment and anger in her voice. I bit my lip painfully. I wanted to punch her and scream inside but I swallowed my rage and slowly turned around. "in the eyes.", she instructed and I followed.
Her dark brown, almost black eyes pierced through mine. The look of sheer anger and frustration on her face was simply terrifying. I felt my heart drop and I almost felt paralysed by the rising terror. Before I could even comprehend she had moved, she slapped me with such great forced that I stumbled to the floor.
Tears team down my cheeks as my eyes begun to sting painfully, the pressure on them felt as if they were about to explode. My breath came in rushed gasps as my airways restricted. Each inhale of breath didn't seem like nearly enough and each exhalation felt like more than I had. It burnt my lungs incredibly. I looked to the teachers direction and all that appeared was an obscure, murky figure. My attempts to blink away the tears were in vein.
What you're looking at here is a prime example of public school disciplinary that is common in the majority of South African schools. This is simply child abuse.
The sick part is that it was such a regular occurrence that most kids thought it was normal. If you were late to school, you could get hit with a ruler on your fingers. Not the flat part, but the linear, one dimensional side. If you spoke during a lesson, misbehaved or did anything a teacher didn't like, you could even get punched if you messed with the right teacher. It is no exaggeration as well. If you ask almost any child that attended a public school between the grades of one to nine, they will most likely tell you the stories of how they use to get hit and beaten for misbehaviour.
Yeah, in hindsight, I was wrong for what I did and I knew that but I don't think the punishment fits the crime. Why couldn't she interrogate me first then at least take action after? Wouldn't that make more sense?
Was any child, or any person for that matter really deserving of this?
"Why did you assault the child?", she shouted. I wanted to answer, to let the world know why. To tell someone anyone, even this abusive teacher how I felt, but I couldn't get the words out. It wasn't just my parched, blazing throat that painfully contracted even further and tighter with each breath. Or the fact that my vision was staring to blur as I felt my consciousness slipping. Or the fact that my trembling hands that were barely supporting my upper body were about to give out. I just felt really fucking defeated.
"Answer me, you little shit!", she demanded even louder, causing me to hyperventilate further. When she didn't get her answer, she stormed towards me, grabbing my arm roughly, she pulled me upwards.
"If you ever do that again, I will be calling your parents to school! You hear me?!", her hushed tone carried a very menacing threat that petrified me. I nodded my head vigorously. She roughly picked me up and held me upright by my arm. "I will be watching you closely from now on, Justin.", and with that, I was tossed out of the classroom roughly and fell onto the hard cement.
My breaths came out in sharp bursts that ignited my airways. Vision blurred from the streaming tears, I tried to blink them away. Despite all this I still found the strength to shakily rise to my feet and slowly straighten out my clothing. When I was finished, I wiped away my tears with the sleeve of my shirt then I gazed ahead. I found myself stuck in place once again.
All eyes were on me. Some children eyed me in amusement from over their shoulders as they leaned in towards their friends, gossiping to them with their outbursts of laughter shortly following. Others held sympathy but they didn't dare act on it or else they'd be the laughing stock too.
I felt exposed before all of the eyes that peered into the depts of my soul. At first, I felt ashamed and desperate. I hated that everyone had to see me in this state, beaten down and exposed. I was hoping, more than ever that in that moment, anyone, just a single person would comfort me in some way. I found myself actually praying that one soul would stand up for me, would tell me it's alright and that I could make it. Anything.
I stood there for what felt like an eternity nothing happened. Well, other than the students going back to their business after a few good minutes of laughter and poking fun. Everyone just turned their heads and went on with their day. I stood there for several more moments in total shock. Not even one glance came my way after.
Nothing.
I bit my lip painfully hard and drew blood. I felt disgusted in myself for being so hopelessly weak. For having to depend on others for something and for allowing these people to get under my skin.
My fists tightly balled. I hated myself for how I was, for how the world was. It shook the depth of my being and I could barely contain myself from letting it all erupt and taking out all my frustrations and resentment on everyone in my sights. It was such a strong desire that I shook uncontrollably, hardly able to resist the thought.
Then the previous events came to my mind.
With that, I sighed deeply and felt the first cool, easy breath exhale out my lungs and I stopped shaking. I turned on my heel as the bell rang signaling the break was over, closed my eyes and composed myself before walking steadily to my class.
