In school, back then, I always excelled.
"What's 9x14?", the teacher question. She waited a couple seconds because we were after all, only in the second grade and this was a bit advanced for most. Then she started looking around the classroom at select people, deciding whom she should selectively question for the answer.
I was very consciously aware for the other students hastily counting on their fingers trying to work out the answer before they got chosen. The embarrassment of getting the answer wrong in front of the entire classroom was a horribly mortifying experinece. Getting shamefully laughed at was not a thing anyone wanted to experience. However, there was an even worse fate that could be experienced but only for select few in the class. Such a thing was for those students who were the best, the ones that were known for their intellect.
To these people, if you were smart and attempted to answer something and got it right, you were a snob in their eyes even if your intent was pure. They hated knowing they had superiors and no reminder was welcomed. It's not like I was the kind of person to rub it in their faces but I'd be lying if I said I did not take pride in my genius.
This is pride, not to be confused with arrogance. Everyone has pride in something and this was the one thing I could be proud of in myself so I took great delight in such. Yet, even now, I couldn't enjoy that one thing I loved. Simply because, I'd be mocked and bullied for being a good student since it was already obvious to everyone.
So, because of this, I didn't raise my hand to answer. I simply didn't answer unless asked personally. I just wrote down my work in my book and let the teachers mark it when they asked to see our work. I did this to stay out of the spotlight. Relief from being literally picked on for who I am was a priority over the one of the few things I could enjoy.
So when my teachers eyes landed on me and her eyes stayed planted the for a second longer than thy should have, I began to panic immensely.
"Justin?", her tender and compelling tone called out expectantly. She was the only educator who didn't hit children if they did something and she was an actual decent person so I didn't want to disappoint her. I also did not want to be the target of almost every kid in the class either but it then occurred to me that even if I got it wrong, I'd be in the same situation.
I sighed miserably. "126, mam.", I mumbled in defeat.
"Excellent!", she praised before turning her back and heading towards the chalk board to visually explain how to get the answer to the class.
As soon as her back wad turned and she begun writing, various despicable sneers were aimed my way. I didn't pay any attention but instead, kept my gaze to the board and watched her explanation.
Then I felt a fist colliding against my head harshly before the entire class erupted in booming laughter. The teacher turned to face the class and attempted to quiet them down. She saw my pained expression along with my hands wrapped gently around the back of my head as her eyes gazed past me. She begun to approach me in concern and I cursed myself inwardly.
She kneeled down beside my desk. "Justin, are you okay? What happened?", she questioned in concern and I could tell she was genuinely worried. It warmed my heart and I actually felt like crying because I hadn't seen such a concerned look my way in a while. I wanted so badly, more than anything to confide in her but I couldn't as the class silenced and anticipated my answer.
I was very aware of what would happen if I so much anything newer slipped anything.
With great effort, I contained my tears and a cover up story came to mind. "I fell down while playing earlier, mam. It's nothing serious though.", I prayed she bought it.
"Are you okay? Do you want some pain killers, Justin?", she offered generously.
"It's just a minor ache, mam. It'll fade.", I answered back and hoped she'd buy it and go back to teaching. When she got up onto her feet, I actually almost sighed in relief and from a breath I realise I didn't know I was holding.
"Okay, but if you feel weak or it gets worse then please tell me.", she gently instructed and I nodded my head in understanding before she commenced her lecture. I looked around at the kids that kept a scrutinising eye on me the entire time.
Something about their expressions seemed off. It was foreign and I'd never had anyone look at me like that in the past.
I felt like I might have earned something and for a second, I felt happy.
Then one of the kids with that expansion raised their middle finger in my direction and mouthed the word umlungu.
