Being Unknown.

No more sorrow, I'm finding the light.

In advance, I hope none of you will harm yourself because of my novel, and I must warn you before you enter that it may or may not be a trigger for self-harm and I hope it doesn't! If you cannot handle suicide or death, do not precede on. It's just a letter, which was already written previously, and sent to Ourin, the receiver. Thank you for reading, precede on at risk. ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡ 

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"Dear Ourin,
        I'm writing this to you for the exact same reason as last time; when you saved me from killing myself. This time it's too late. You've been a great friend, and a better boyfriend, but it's my time to go even if you don't want me to. Just remember it's not your fault, you've helped me so much, it's the schools fault, my parents, social status, everything in between besides you.

        I'm going to miss you so much when I'm gone, or if I succeed this time in killing myself. Hopefully so, because I don't want to go through this pain anymore. Of people calling me names,(there are more reasons that you know of Ourin, but I just decided to highlight you exactly, and what you do for me)  of you hurting yourself, more likely your fists, while you beat their faces in. It was honestly amusing to stand there and watch, as your friends shouted your name repeatedly, and kept saying "Calm down Ourin!! You're going to kill the fuckers!"

        You're always making me laugh, even when I want to cry. See? I'm in love with you Ourin, but this is making me want to cry more. Saying good bye is like a shard to my heart. Stabbing it repeatedly over and over again. You probably haven't noticed lately,because we haven't been able to talk due to school relations, but always know I love you. I want you to be happy when I'm gone.

        Remember on April 16, when we wrote tons of semicolons down our arms for the suicidal, anxiety kids, depressed, unhappy, etc? I swear we were covered with them by the end of the day. Receiving weird looks from our peers, as they passed. But you sent them a glare, and that sent them away.  Probably for another week, before harassing me again. But that's okay, as long as I had you by my side. Had. I won't have you anymore after I kill myself, with my shitty fathers gun, I must warn you in advance though, there may be blood; is it bad I laughed at that? Probably. I feel sick and demented right now.

        "All the men and women are merely players; they have their exits and their entrances," that's how I feel right now. Thank you William Shakespeare, for summing up my worthless life. Tears are streaming down my face right now, knowing that I've done nothing with my life. Not anything to prove I'm worthy of something. 

        I know this letter is probably gibberish, much of it, and you may or may not understand it, but know that I'm trying to make sense as much as I possibly can. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Jesus Christ, you're the only reason I'm still here, writing a letter, possibly waiting for my drunken father to come home.

        But I know he's not coming home tonight, I was told earlier that he died while under the influence; I'm sure the news hasn't gotten to you yet, and if it has, why aren't you here? I won't be waiting on this plane of existence anymore. I'm done playing my part in life, and I'm going towards the exit, I'll be watching you from afar! Hah, that sounded creepy, but since I have so much unfinished business, I probably won't pass and only the people who can see me can communicate with me. I've been reading too many horror books, and paranormal love novels lately, haven't I? 

        Anyways, that's besides the point. There really is no point, is there? Just a suicide note that has no topic. I finally realized that I've never been good at reading, anything, nonetheless. Basically a failure, in my fathers eyes. It's sad, really.

      I wonder if he would care if I died; I mean he's already dead, but there is still time to wonder. I'm pretty sure he knew I was self-harming. I also wonder if he didn't love me because I was my mothers exact replica, and it was too hard for him to face reality. Although, I, Kassandra Luintrey Martin, shouldn't give him any excuses for his behavior. That reminds me of behavior; When I'm gone, make sure no one's sad, alright? I didn't have many friends but it still wouldn't hurt.

        Ourin, I love you. It's okay because there's no more sorrow, I'm finding the light in the next few seconds. Just remember, I tried writing this in my best handwriting. It may be tainted with blood and tears. I ❤ You, from once plane of the existence, to the next.

Love, Kassandra xoxo"

Hi, I'm Ourin Kalum Daily, and my life just collapsed in front of my very own eyes.

"I, Ourin Kalum Daily, love Kassandra Luintrey Martin, from one plane of existence to the next," I repeated over, running my tear-stained hands through my long raven black locks of hair. ❤