After dealing with all the commotion last night Casey and I had to be up early to go get Ahmad from the airport. He had business to finish in Florida.Ahmad is my boyfriend but he's much more than that to Casey and I. I've been knowing Ahmad since I was four years old in preschool.He was my first friend ever. We've been through being best friends to not talking to each other at all.We always end up where it all started, with one just seeing the other and smiling.
When I went back to Florida I was a mess. Just at my mother's house confined to one room. I felt so much shame about being pregnant with a married man's child. My mother was disappointed in me and in disbelief that I put myself in this predicament. Nonetheless I was her daughter and she told me she would always help me through whatever.
Knowing I had her support did help me but knowing I disappointed her still caused me a lot of shame. My mom didn't know what else to do so she called Ahmad. He was always my closest friend through whatever and my mom knew I trusted him with a lot.
I heard a knock. I ignored it. "Aye?......Bug please open the door for me."
I opened the door for him and went right into his arms. "Bug what's up why you crying? Ms. Lena just told me I needed to come see you." "I'm scared to tell you.....if I tell you this you may never talk to me." "Ava don't play with me after everything! Don't you realize there's nothing that can stop me from being here for you." I shook my head with tears streaming down my face. "This is a big deal Ahmad for real." He got up and went into the bathroom and came with a washcloth. He wiped my face with it. "Just say it" "I'm pregnant... and the baby's father is married."
I went through the whole story of the affair even about Donovan's wife. He was quiet for a long time. I guess he was just processing everything I told him. It was a lot to take in of course and I was scared of what he was going to say next.
He rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm not gon lie I'm shocked. I'm only mad cause you haven't talked to me in over a year but as far as your situation I'm here if you want me here."
And he wasn't lying he was there for me through everything from the pregnancy to encouraging me to get back into doing art.He's the only father figure Casey knows but he's aware he isn't her father. That being said he thought maybe we should move back to give Donovan an easy chance to be Casey's dad.
We waited in my Jeep at the airport entrance for Ahmad. Casey was in the backseat anxiously waiting eating her apple slices. She was excited for him to come home. If I have to hear "where Bubba?" Or "I want Bubba." one more time.
"Bubba!" Casey yelled. (Ahmad aka Bubba)
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There he was walking over to the jeep smiling at me. I sighed to myself it was nerve wracking being back home without him by my side. He put his stuff in the trunk and walked over to Casey's side of the car to greet her. "Hey lil momma." He leaned in smiling at her. "Hey Bubba!" She said giggling wrapping her arms around his neck. He got in the front seat and leaned over and kissed me. I was just looking at him after he pulled away. I missed him so much. He looked over smiling at me. "Why you looking at me like that?" "Cause you fine." I said as I pulled off. He laughed. "You missed me Bug?" He asked rubbing neck. "Yea....... that thing in the back did too." He looked back seeing Casey asleep. "Speaking of Case .... did you speak to her dad?" "I spoke to her father and he didn't ask about her." He shook his head and sighed. Ahmad knows how much I want for Casey to know her biological father. I don't ever want her to think I kept them apart. Unfortunately because of me being a horny 19 year old her father turned out to be someone who is childish and selfish when it comes to her. "I really wish I didn't have to deal with him." I said tearing up. "Baby I know you don't wanna talk to him but you gotta put your foot down for the sake of Casey....... I got you either way."
We stopped at subway on the way home since he was hungry. After eating his sub and taking a shower Ahmad went to sleep right away. I knew he was tired so I let him rest. I decided to get some house work done and try to keep Casey occupied while he slept.He didn't wake up until about six that evening while I was setting the table for dinner. "I damn near slept the whole day." He said opening the fridge door. "I knew you were tired so I let you be" "What you cook Bug? It smell good." He said lingering behind me. "Chicken Alfredo can you get Casey?" He walked into her room and came back with Casey running behind him. "Pick me up Bubba!" Ahmad lifted her into her high chair. We both sat at the table to eat dinner. "So about Donovan?" "You really wanna talk about him now?" I sighed not wanting to talk in front of Casey. "Yea.... When you talked he called or what?"
This was about to be rough. I kept the details about Donovan and I speaking short on purpose. I know he wouldn't appreciate Donovan coming to our apartment. That night when I saw the texts from him I jus needed to get my emotions towards him out. "He came over." I looked up at him. He was so still just staring at me. "It's not like that we talked outside babe." "Obviously you know it's a problem if you didn't say all this earlier." "I just wanted to get it over with" "And it was so urgent you couldn't wait to talk in a proper setting." I really didn't want to tell him this part cause I knew this was gonna upset him but I love Ahmad and I don't want to lose his trust. "It was late." I said. He put his fork down and clasped his hands together and put them on the table. "Let me say it out loud so you can understand what you're telling me...... he hit you up late at night to talk ....you go outside of our apartment to talk to him and he didn't even ask about Casey?" "I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away" he just got up and took Casey with him.
I know why he's upset. He knows my past with Donovan and he knows the effect he had on me. Before anything Ahmad is my best friend. Any other time that would be a positive but him knowing my past so intimately hinders our relationship.
After dinner I cleaned the kitchen Ahmad was watching tv with Casey but she fell asleep. He picked her up from the couch and brought her over so I could kiss her goodnight. Instead she woke up and reached for me so I went and put her down. I walked back out while he was back on the couch. "Come here please" I walked over to the couch and stood. He looked up and pulled me down onto him. "I trust you it just pissed me off cause I can tell he doin shit to get to you" he said still focusing on the tv. "I understand why you got mad I should've told you everything...now stop being mad at me you just got home today."
