The Unborn Child That Wasn't Wanted

The Unborn Child Part 1

A few years ago, well 11 years ago. I was totally in love with this young man named Sean, who is my husband now. We were attached to one another and it wasn't even funny. But the love, desire, and commitment we had for one another were real. I will always remember this because it is stored in my subconscious. Many don't know that the subconscious is our heart. I remembered I was in college at Blinn in Brenham, Texas. It was during the summer of July of 2005. I had to take summer classes in order to go back the following year. Sean wasn't there with me, but he was enrolled in the Spring 2005 semester. Anyways, I missed him and missed hanging out with him (wink). So I will drive my 1994 red two-door Eclipse to Houston every weekend. Sean worked and always treated me out. We will spend our nights at our favorite hotel, this is where we made love, desirable love. We connected and also, had fun going to the movies and shopping. As true friends, we started off as. This happened the entire summer of 2005 when I was in summer school. If you don't know us personally, we were together 3 years prior. We went to the same high school together, and we were high school sweethearts. Even though I went to Houston every weekend. I always went to class, hung out with friends and enjoyed college life. I remembered me and my roommate will always meet up with our group of friends to have dinner at the cafeteria.

It was one so humid one night in Brenham I couldn't get up for anything, and I was so tired. My roommate took it upon herself to wake me up. I woke up confused as if it was time for me to go to my next class. As I looked around the night out beat my sunny day. My roommate continued to call out my name (at that time everyone called me NaNa). She was like, "NaNa heeeello, you have slept your day away" with sarcasm in her voice. Then she stated you have missed your last class and now you have missed dinner. I was shocked because it wasn't like me to do so. Do you know how you know your ways and the ways of doing things? So I knew this was not me, I remember daydreaming. I then realized that I didn't have my period, so I asked myself when my last period was. I decided to call Sean on my black flip Sprint Nextel phone. He picked up and I asked him right away without hesitation. When was my last period, and he stated about 3 weeks ago? So if it was 3 weeks ago, this week will make the week of my period. I mumbled oh hell Nah I should be on my period like now, right now. I instantly went into a weird mode, panicking and looking dumbfounded. My roommate saw some confusion on my face. She was dipping in my business wanting to know every detail. But since she was my boo at the time, I had to give her the 411. I told her what was going on and she was more shocked then I was. She was like let's go to Walmart and get a test.

I decided to go to the Walmart up the street. I hurried up, washed my face and brushed my teeth. I got into my Eclipse at 10 p.m. Wednesday night. Walmart wasn't as crowded as normal, which was a good thing for me. An instant thought came to me that I had no money. I told my roommate girl I have no money to buy a pregnancy test, and she said, "She didn't neither." I whispered to her and told her that I haven't seen Sean yet to get any cash from him. Sean normally give me money before going back to school, but likely I spent it all on something I desired. My parents didn't give me a college allowance, so I was screwed. Why wouldn't they give a college kid money when they are miles away? Who knows? I decided to pick up a First Response Pregnancy Test and a pair of size 12 blue jeans. I went into the dressing room as if I was going to try on the jeans, there was a very nice older woman that assisted me to the stall. I didn't feel bad about my bad thoughts even though it was a 50/50 chance I could get busted. But at that moment I was like damn I really need to know if I'm knocked up. Believe it or not, I was nervous because I didn't do stuff like this. But it was definitely necessary, I took the test out of the box. I decided to put the test into my black rectangular-shaped radio holder. I flatten out the box and folded it as small as I can. I gently put the pregnancy test box inside of the jeans pocket. I was supposedly trying on. I then walked out telling the nice older woman that I'm going to keep the pants with a gentle and graceful smile. I felt bad knowing that was a flat out lie because I didn't have money. I placed the blue jeans back neatly where I got them from with the flatten pregnancy test box inside of them. I was speechless that I was able to get away with shoplifting, so with that being said. I got the hell out of there, and while doing that. I was watching our back just in case we needed to run. We rushed back to our dorms, my freaking heart was beating, racing, and about to explode. While running from my car with fear and excitement. I was extremely nervous, I mean I have taken many tests before. But this right here could possibly be the one...You're Pregnant. I took the test instant without hesitation. I was able to pee so quickly because I was holding it for a while. As I peed on the stick I repeatedly told myself please don't be pregnant, please don't be pregnant. After I peed on the stick, we waited for about 3 minutes. My roommate said it was time and I slowly looked at the test with one eye opened and it said POSITIVE. Oh, shit that made me open up both of my eyes, as I starred at the test with so much disappointment. I looked at that test for a whole 5 minutes, the test line wasn't faint...it was bright, bright pink. So there was no way I could deny this, I was terrified not because of what Sean will say or my own deepest feelings. I was terrified because I had to face Mother with this disturbing news. Yep, I was hella terrified.