Sunshine Yellow

Chapter 4

“Are you planning on being all quiet for the whole walk?” Asher asks.  “Because it’s kind of depressing.”

            I drag the bottoms of my shoes against the steel of the pipes, resulting in shrill, ear-splitting sounds. Not replying. At my side, Asher makes a point of copying my movements, scraping his own shoes on the metal to show me how irritating it is. It works—I stop.

            “I promised to walk with you there,” I say flatly. “Isn’t that enough?”

            I watch him shrug from the corner of my eye. “Some conversation would be nice.”

            I laugh a short, hollow laugh. “I hate to break it to you, Asher, but I’m not really a nice person.”  

            “But you are. To Alice."

            I realize that he’s looking at me, and I turn my head slightly to meet his gaze. “That's different ,” I say.

            “I don’t see why.”

            My eyes dart away from Asher’s as I step over a notch. Since when do Asher and I talk about serious things like this? Heck, since when do Asher and I talk at all? Over the five months of visits to each other’s residences, every single one of our conversations have started with a few minutes of light conversation, followed by a long silence. Never have we talked about anything remotely important, and that’s how I like it. 

            “She’s my sister,” I end up saying. “I can’t not be nice to her.”

            Asher laughs a little. “Don’t lie to me, Cass. I know you. You wouldn’t do something because you have to. You’d do it because you want to.” 

            “You don’t know me,” I say. We come to a crossroads in the pipes, and I stop. “Which way?”

            “I’d like to. Left.”

            I turn and start walking again, struggling to keep up with Asher’s long strides. “But why?”

             “You and Alice are the only people I’ve ever known, besides Twyla and—and Father. It’s only normal I’d want to understand you, isn’t it?”

             “That would be like c—“ My voice cracks on the word, and I lower my tone to a whisper as I try again. “Like curiosity.”

            Asher is silent for a moment. Then he says, “It’s not a bad thing you know. Being curious. Alice knows that well enough.” 

            I curl my hands up into fists to hide their shaking. “Alice is still just a kid,” I say, as evenly as I can manage. “I’m trying to teach her to—“

            “To what?” Anger is creeping into Asher’s voice again, into his face, just like yesterday. “To be like you? Accepting whatever Those say as right, saying what Those want you to say, thinking what Those want you to think?”

             “I’m not like that,” I say. I pick up the pace, suddenly feeling a need to distance myself from him. “You need to stop talking like this. Like you know me.” 

            “But I do know you, better than you do!” he says, walking faster to keep up. He passes me and begins walking backwards to look me in the eye. “You know Those aren’t telling us everything. You know there’s something missing here. That things aren’t right.”