Love Is Love/reddie fix it fic

the confession

(I wanted to get to the next point instead of writing a filler chapter so this takes place right after eddie is let out of the hospital)

     Eddie was being strolled out of the bland building in a wheelchair. He hated it, he could walk just fine. Sure, his wound ached a bit when he moved, but it was something he could handle.

     Richie agreed to give him a ride home. He decided to drive him there in Eddie's car and leave his here. Rich people am I right. But nonetheless, Eddie was greatful for that.

     Eds got into the passenger and buckled his seatbelt. "Get ready Eddie spaghetti, it's gonna be a long road trip." Richard said with a bright smile, despite Eddie's mood reflecting the opposite.

     "How many nicknames have you come up with for me?"

     "Eds, Eddie spaghetti, Eddie bear, Ed-"

     "It was rhetorical." Eddie interrupted. Richie chuckled at his remark.

     Then, Richard grew serious. "Um, Eds?"

     "Yeah?"

     "Are you sure you want to... go back to Myra?"

     Eddie took a long pause. "Where else would I go?"

     "I don't know, it is your life after all", Richie turned to face Eds. "It is your choice. I was just saying maybe you could live your own life, instead of being trapped, like you said."

     Eddie knew Richie was right. The only decision he had ever made on his own since his marriage, was to leave to Derry. He wanted his own life. But he didn't know how it would work out, and that scared him. "Let's just-" Eddie paused trying to find the right words, he looked simply saddened. Richie knew what his final decision was. "Just start the car Rich"

     Richard gave a saddened look. Has eddie learned nothing? He saved me from a fucking clown. He was practically willing to give his life away, but he's scared to talk to his fucking wife? Richie had so much to say at the moment, but he didn't know how to say it. So he just stayed silent, and started the engine.

     They navigated through Derry to start their route. As they left town crossing the kissing bridge, Richie couldn't shake off the feeling; the feeling of mockery. He remembered very vividly too. He remembered his love sickened sorrows as he deepened the blade into the face of the wood. Those letters will forever be there mocking him for being such a coward to his own emotions. Although so much was racing through his head, he kept his eyes trained on the long, never ending road.

     "instead of being trapped, like you said", those word danced around Eddie's head. Why being such a pussy? If I leave, what would I do? How would it turn out? I don't want to live a lonely life chasing after love. Will I even love?  The one I've ever really loved is right here and my grow ass can't speak up. I gotta get home and tell my wife. Too many thoughts crowded his mind as the trees swiftly passed by and the road that stretched further as they got closer to their destination. The silence was unbearable, but none of the two knew how to start a conversation. But Eddie was up for that challenge.

     "Rich?"

     "Yes?"

     "When we get to my house, how will you get home?"

     "I'll take a plane to California and then call up a friend to pick me up.", Richie said without skipping a beat, his tired eyes still focused on the route.

     "Can I ask another question?... An off topic one. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

     "Ask away.", Richie was visibly nervous, he knew this would be a serious question. The car ride was all silent since the hospital, but now he decides to speak. Eddie was trying to cut deep into the barriers that Richie had built up during the years; the barriers that isolated his vulnerability from the world. But, Eddie could already see right through them.

     "I was just wondering, when you said that you only loved one person... was it one of the losers?"

     Richie stop. Literally. He took the next exit and navigated into the nearest gas (convenient. i know). Both were silent as he stopped the engine, ready to pump it with gas. Richie glanced over at Eddie, and then broke eye contact and just stared at his own hands that were gripping the steering wheel.

     Richie sighed. He had to confess sooner or later. "It was you." He said quietly, almost like a whisper. But Eddie heard clearly what he said. He turned to Eddie, his heart was racing awaiting his reaction. He turned away from him. He wasn't afraid or 'rejection', in fact; 'rejection' was the response he had expected. He only feared for their friendship. Their bond was something Richie couldn't afford to lose again.

     "Want anything from the store?", Richard was desperate to change the subject. He knew those jolly years of progression in their friendship had vanished into thin air. Eddie shook his head at the question, not wanting to say anything. "Alright... Imma go fuck myself then."

     Rich walked off to the store. Eddie on the other hand, had his own stuff to figure out. It was just him and his thoughts now.