Sumire •|Nakahara Chuuya|•

15

[Y/n]'s POV (from now on)

I said my farewells, but I wasn't even sure if I was really ready. I went to the Detective Agency and sought for Dazai. As soon as I went inside, they were on high guard, something I was already used to. Yet I payed no heed to it, and walked directly to Dazai's desk.

"We need to talk, Dazai." I said in a solemn tone. Dazai seemed to take note of it, and followed me to a nearby park. The sakura flowers were blooming and reminded me of Kōyō. "(Y/n). I know what you're going through. I know it too well." Dazai said.

I knew he meant well, but something in me ticked as soon as I heard those words.

"Where is Mitchell?" Was all I could really ask, trying to stretch the conversation longer while dodging my feared topic. "She's dead. Well, that's what Fitzgerald wanted it to seem." He replied. "Makes sense," I replied, "surely there is a bounty for Mitchell's head."

"I'm sure there's a bounty for your head as well, wiping out an organization and all that." Dazai said, worried.

"You don't have Chuuya anymore. You need to convince yourself. Those few days that made you fall for him where nothing but nonsense talks, and your sacrifice for him was just a feat. Convince yourself."

I stayed silent.

"You two are just Romeo and Juliet. Your love was purely gas, unable to take shape. Those kisses you shared could be laced in poison. Whenever you two hugged, he could have a knife hidden and ready to stab."

"These things are all just horrible. Chuuya would never poison me, nor backstab me. He meant every word that flies off of his lips, he cared and hugged me with every drop of essence of that care, and to him, those kisses meant everything, and tells things unable to be expressed by mere words." I said, making Dazai pause and look at me directly in the eyes.

"Convince yourself. Convince yourself that he is filthy, poisonous, treacherous, unfaithful. That's the only way to survive that feeling you have. That's the only way to be in this world and have a new life."

"I would rather die than think of him that way." I said in sorrow. "Go on, Dazai. Cock your gun and point it towards me, then shoot."

"You know I could never do that." He replied. "I will give you a reason to kill me. Will you? If I beat you to near death, would you kill me? If I give you no other choice, will you kill me?" I asked.

"You surviving is already God's mercy to you." Dazai said. "Why waste it?"

"Mercy? I call it torture!" I exclaimed, holding his hands together tight. "Please, Dazai. If you are a changed man, please. The kindest thing you could ever do now is to kill me."

"But-!" Dazai retorted, but I cut off his words.

"Even if you won't kill me now, there's still a hunt for my head. See, Dazai? I have no will to live. But I don't want to die by their hands either. I want to be killed by you, Dazai."

"What do you not understand? You feel my suffering now, right? Why are you pushing me forward, when I can't even lift a single foot? Why are you being so respectful to Chuuya now, when you hated him? Why are you acting this way? Tell me, Osamu !"

"Because I care for you, okay? I like you! I don't want to kill you just because you think it's the perfect escape. I'm pushing you forward even if you barely budge, because the fact that someone out there is waiting for you is pushing me forward! The fact that you can't even move on drives me to help you. I don't even know why I feel this way! You drive me insane, (y/n)!" He answered back.

"But you love Chuuya. Those tiny number of days were enough to drive you smitten. And I can't do anything about it. So I'm helping you. I can only do much without him killing me, and that is to treat you like a princess."

"So this is where you have been," said a female voice. I turned around, and saw Kouyou and Kyouka, somehow not killing each other. "No need to attack. Post-war truce."

"Kouyou..."