My brother's friend

29

The room smells like sex when I wake up. One leg underneath the blanket, one on top of it, on top of Chanyeol's chest.

I pull the blanket up to my nose and close my eyes again.

I open my eyes when I feel long hair touching my nose and chin. I watch Chanyeol moving his head on top of my chest. I smile and brush his hair with my fingers. "Good morning".

"Good morning honey" he whispers.

I stroke his hair back and kiss his forehead. "Do you think we woke anyone up last night? Kris and Tao maybe?" I ask.

"Hmm.. no. It was three am and we weren't as loud as usual. And besides.. None of them is a virgin anymore, except for Kyungsoo and Tao as far as I know they've never slept with someone"

"You know it's Tao and Kris in the room next to ours huh?"

"Who cares. It was three am"

I sigh. This guy would probably not even care a single bit if people were watching us. Okay but
If that happens I'll break up with him.

After I took a shower to get rid of our cum on my body, I walk downstairs to find my friends at the table, all of them chatting with each other. I sit down on one of the empty chairs and listen to the conversation that's going on.

"Do we have to leave tomorrow morning already?" I ask them.

"Yes. The owner of the house came back early to find out his own house was burnt down. We'll leave early tonight. Oh, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo would have to leave tomorrow anyways because Chanyeol's restaurant will open in four days" my brother says "now all of us can be there".

"Yes. OOOH that's why Chanyeol was packing his stuff!"

"Yup, but he doesn't know all of us have to go".

I nod.

I pull my swim shorts up and lean on Chanyeol's shoulders. "Are you nervous?"

"Yes. But you're going to be there, Kyungsoo, my sister, my parents.. basically everyone who gives me strength. My sister runs the restaurant since we arrived here and her friends promoted the restaurant on the streets she said. I hope there will be some people tomorrow"

I nod.

"Are Jaehyun and Mino also there right now?"

"Yes. Two of my sister's friends are also helping. My sister said they like it so much they're thinking of applying for a job there" Chanyeol smiles.

"That would be amazing" I say.

"But i don't know if I can pay them.. I don't know if the restaurant is gonna be a success"

"You only have to pay your sister, Kyungsoo Jaehyun and mino and your restaurant is already a success Chan"

"You forgot yourself dummy. There're five people I have to pay their salary. If my restaurant's gonna flop I can't pay them enough"

"I told you I'll work there for free! You don't have to pay me Chan"

"Yes I do have to"

"No. we've already talked about this and I'll leave if you pay me a cent"

"But-"

"Chan if he doesn't want it.. why're you forcing him?" Kyungsoo asks.

"I can't let him work for nothing!"

"Yes you can. You're already giving me enough. You already helped me find myself, you helped me through my hardest times Chan.. you.. no. I won't accept your money"

"Baek-"

"Chan if you weren't there I wouldn't be here anymore! I would've committed suicide! You don't know how many years I've been thinking of that! Until you came.. you made me find baekhyun back. You helped me get rid of bullied Baekhyun. You guys are my first and only friends and you Chan.. you literally gave me everything I never had.. So stop forcing me to take your money. You already gave me enough!" I look at him with teary eyes.

"Wait- did you try committing suicide once?" Kyungsoo asks.

Flashback.

"Bye Hyung!" I try saying without letting him hear that I'm crying. I turn myself around and bury my wet face into my pillow.

"I don't want this anymore!" I shout. "I hate this world". I sit up straight and look at the ceiling of my small room. 

I take my dark red notebook and read page 20. With big letters the whole page is filled with 'ways to commit suicide'. The page is covered in dried tears. I've already written down 16 ways to leave this world.

I look at the four ways I've already drew a line through. Staying awake for six days didn't work. Not eating for three weeks didn't work. Jumping in front of a bus didn't work. Drowning didn't work either.

I look at number 5: pills.

I look at the clock.

I still have forty minutes until my brother comes home. 

I walk to the kitchen and grab two boxes of pills. I lay them on my bed and eat ten of them.

I sit down on my bed and stare blankly at the ceiling until I start to feel dizzy. I get so dizzy my eyes widen. Is it going to work?

I stand up with a smile on my face. Everything turns black and I feel my head hitting the floor.

End of flashback.

I sigh.

"Baek answer Kyungsoo. Did you try committing suicide once?" Chanyeol shakes my shoulder.

Suddenly I burst into tears. 

Chanyeol pulls me into a hug. "How many times?" He whispers.

"Eight" I mutter.

"Baek" Chanyeol mutters. He cups my cheeks. "I'm so fucking glad all of them failed" he pulls me on his lap and presses his forehead against my chest. I feel Kyungsoo's hand on my back.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper.

"When... when was the last time?"

I close my eyes and ignore Kyungsoo's question.

January 31.

I first met them on February 1st.