stripper killer [matty healy]

thirty two - relapse

relapse:(verb) a deterioration in someone's state of mind after a temporary improvement.

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matty

i've never been one for love. infact, i've never been one for emotion in general. i didn't understand the soppy films, the cringy music... none of it made sense to me. i couldnt feel it. any of it. i felt like my life was just a constant trip to the zoo, but instead of animals i was staring at a bunch of normal, emotional, healthy people... and they would all stare at me like i was the outsider. which i was.

yet now, as i sit alone in the strip bar on drink god knows what (i lost count at 11) i look normal. i look like an everyday man going through a hard time that's left to drown his sorrow in a bottle. to everyone else in this bar, i'm not considered anything but average.. i fit in. however, to myself, i've never felt more out of place.

i had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me constantly be on the verge of throwing up. my palms would sweat whenever i heard a females laugh, simply beacause it would remind me of hers. my mouth felt dry, no matter how much i drank and everything was blurry. (although, that could be blamed on the alcohol.)

"another?" i hear the barmans voice. i just nod slowly. i may aswell, for all i know this could be my last drink as a free man. prision was practically calling my name.

i take my phone from my pocket, and bring up indias contact, but just before i press call i feel a hand on my shoulder.

"hello." a girl smiles as i turn my head. shes got blonde hair, blue eyes and a super tight set of jeans on. "mind if i sit?"

"sure." i shrug, not really bothered.

she sets herself down in the stool to my left and calls her barman over to order a drink, before looking back to me, her expression changing. "are you okay? you look kinda down."

"i'm okay." i nod, taking another sip of my beer. "just drunk and depressed, you know, the usual." i smirk a little. the word depressed coming out of my mouth actually amusing me.

she chuckles lightly. "girl issues?"

my face expression changes and i cock my head at her. "how'd you know?"

she purses her lips playfully. "you've just got that 'oh look at me i'm so sad i've just lost my wife and kids' look all over your face." she mocks a awful impression of a mans voice, before erupting in to giggles. she has a nice smile. "that was really bad wasn't it?" she asks, crinkling her nose.

"oh no, not at all. you had me convinced for a second." i smile back. "and in regards to the wife and kids thing. no, it's worse, i've lost the cat too." i sigh sarcastically.

she throws her head back laughing. "thats a shame, i bet it's lonely." she takes her straw inbetween her lips and takes a long sip, both of us staring at eachother as she does.

"yeah, real lonely..." i whisper, definetely too focused on her stained red lips around the tip of the straw.

"well.. i could always..." she runs her tounge across them and plays with her hair. "you know, come keep you company some time?"

i raise my eyebrows, slightly in shock at how much this girl was putting herself out to me. she was hot though... and plus, i havent had sex in almost a month. "yeah, that would be nice." i place my hand on her thigh, and lean closer to her so i'm next to her ear. "what about right now?"

a soft gasp emerges from her and she bites her lip. "sold."

i run my hand through my hair with one hand, while she takes the other and leads us towards the door.

"i hope work don't notice me gone." she grins, as we reach the cold night air. "oh, theres a taxi here. quick." she pulls me towards it.

"wait, so you work here?" i ask, catching what she'd just said as i shut the door.

she waits untill i've told the driver my address before answering. "yeah, i do. is that a problem?"

"no..." a devilish grin sweeping over my face. "no it's great."

"oh good!" she laughs, leaning onto me. "do you pick up girls in strip clubs often or something?"

i let out a light chuckle and take my lip between my teeth, while i run my hand up and down her thigh.

"something like that."

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{authors note}

really shitty update i'm sorry, not been feeling too well guys .x