TALK SICK ✧ POETRY

| THREE - 三つ

— 三つ !

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how am i feeling?

baby i am t e r r i f i e d

i fear the shame in their eyes when i finally speak my truth, the truth of what i cannot change because one day i will find a girl that gives me hope and rhyme and reason and i will cry to her in the early hours, screaming distant apologies, excuses to not meet my family, introducing her as my friend because i am a fucking coward who cannot change who she loves

i fear the backlash of coming out, of losing the last shred of family i have left because if my mother left, what's stopping my father from leaving me too?

because girls arent supposed to kiss girls and hold other girls hands and be happy with girls and smile when their lips touch. no, girls are pretty flowers that must never come in pairs, they need a patch of pointy weeds to go along with them.

but why is my garden overrun by daffodils and peonies and tulips? why is there not a single weed in sight?

i fear my garden being seen by eyes that look at pretty bouquets and scowl.

because i love my flowers, their delicate petals and slender stems, their strong roots and tender scents, the ones that smell like sunshine and rain and something that grounds me.

and so i must tend to my garden, my private flower patch and hide my whole life away.

how does this make you feel?

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— THIS POEM MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!