Spiky Lesbians Unite (Book 1)

Chapter One

Alfie

     Okay so I really don't have a problem with "Idiot Tour", it's actually quite fun. "Idiot Tour" means that I don't actually have to confront people, Ella takes care of that. Ella enjoys being in the action but I would much rather be a friendly neighborhood superhero than a nationally known one.
    Oh wait, I never explained what "Idiot Tour" is or even who I am. Well first off my name is Alfie, I grew up in London in 2019 but somehow ended up in San Francisco in the year 1995. That probably makes absolutely no flipping sense but it honestly doesn't make much sense to me either.
    One day I was in London in 2019 just watching YouTube videos and the next I was in a random building without my phone. I honestly don't know how it happened. Next thing I knew, a scary Jewish girl who looked scarily like Rachel Berry was dragging me up a flight of stairs asking whoever 'Sabbie' and 'Blairie Bear' were if she could "keep me"  almost like I was a lost puppy.
    Soon enough I had been dragged to the nearest Walmart and given an entire new wardrobe, during this excursion the women I learned to be named Sabrina, Ella, Maya, and Blair explained to me that they were a part of the superhero group 'The Spiky Lesbians'.
    I told them that one moment I was in London and the next I was there. They told me about how it was probably a sign and that I was obviously the last member they needed. I agreed and soon enough I was claiming my own bedroom on the second floor next to Ella's.
    About a week later I was assigned my first "mission", I put that in air quotes because it can't really be classified as a mission of any means. I was basically just sent out into the city with Ella to spot any homophobia and stop it.
    On this particular afternoon me and Ella are on Idiot Tour along with my puppy Mrs. Hudson, whom I had named after the landlady from Sherlock, which was a show I used to watch with my family before what I like to call 'The Incident' occurred. That brings back both good and bad memories, both acceptance and hate. As well as the guilt of my father leaving, seeing as it was probably my fault. Sure, my family accepted me and all, but society wasn't as open to me liking boys.
    Why should they have a say in who I like or don't like? I think boys are cute and that's that. I mean I don't have a say in whether they're an assbutt so why should have a say in whether I'm gay?
    I'm getting off track. Sometimes my brain does that, it's not good when I'm in the middle of a battle and about to be either killed or made a slave. I did it again, I got off track.
    The point is, I'm with Ella on Idiot Tour on this fine Sunday afternoon when everything took a turn for the worse.
    Sunday afternoons are the most popular time for homophobia out in the world, especially because church just let out. The religious families are out roaming at the markets and it's the time for homophobia. Although the tea being spilt between some of these old Christian women is SPICY!
    On this particular afternoon, we are roaming the city square as the local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was releasing its members. This was gonna be great. That was sarcasm.
    Ella and I are currently standing and watching as the people pile out of the church. I spot a teen I have never seen before in the crowd, they have long black, greasy hair, and cheekbones that could rival those of Benedict Cumberbatch. All in all, they are just my type. Too bad they're Mormon and almost 100% likely to be homophobic.
    As I look closer at the hot Mormon kid I notice the hand pushing him through the crowd. The hands' fingernails seem to be digging into the fabric of the teen's dark green suit jacket. Seeing this makes my stomach churn, it reminds me of Derreck. Derreck, my boyfriend, does this to me.
    Derreck was the first person I met here other than the Spiky Lesbians. He let me in his home and gave me food after I refused it from Blair and Sabrina. I was hesitant to accept anything from them, scared that I would intrude and they would leave me behind like my father did once they realised how worthless I was. I was scared of the same thing with Derreck as well but he made me feel safe, he loved me like no one had ever done before. He still does, he just shows it in different ways.
       I'm just watching the people pass when Ella taps my shoulder and whispers, "Do you see that?" and points at a middle aged woman and a boy who must be about my age. At first I'm confused as to why Ella is pointing out a random pair of people until I realize what's happening. I can only somewhat hear what they're saying but i can tell what they're talking about by the amount of heads that are turning and the disgusted looks on these Mormon's faces.
        This boy just came out and his mom is not too pleased.
         Ella grabs my hand as we both shoot up from where we were sitting and run over towards the pair. Upon reaching them we see someone else has already stepped in, a passerby as it seems. A beautiful Korean girl is cussing out this middle-aged woman.
"-you should accept your son for who he fucking is, you prick! Why should you care if he wants to have relations with a boy?!"
    The boy is staring at the new girl as if she grew another head in front of his eyes. Meanwhile the woman, whom I assume to be his mother, is staring at her as if Satan just took over her body.
    His mother finally realizes that the girl has stopped talking and goes to open her mouth when the boy opens his instead, "Thank you miss, it means a lot that some people can accept others for who they are. Now mother, goodbye. I never want to see your face ever again." His formality unnerves me, I mean he just came out and got rejected by his mom.
The boy's blue eyes flash to his mother's before he promptly moves past his mother and meets my eyes. From this angle I can get a full view of him, from his blond quiff, to the classic black suit he must've worn to church. He has some light facial hair on his sharp jawline, soft but bushy eyebrows, and kind but condescending blue eyes. I can tell just by looking at him that he plays football and probably wears a letterman jacket every other day of his life. He's the opposite of the hot kid I saw earlier, he's the opposite of my type, although I know that he is who everyone would rather see me with.
    When I look back over the guy's shoulder I see that his mother is gone and the Korean girl is staring at us. After a few moments of the four of us just staring at each other Ella speaks up, "So, what are your names?" The Korean girl is the first to answer with "Chi" and then the boy promptly answers with "William, but everyone calls me Will. What are yours'?"
Ella speaks for me upon seeing me in my trance, "My name is Ella, and this big dumby is Alfie. It was a great thing you did there Chi, we truly do appreciate anyone who helps to make our lives easier."
Will looked confused as he comprehended what Ella had said, "What do you mean 'make our lives easier'?".
"Well you see we're kind of heroes-"
"OH! YOU GUYS ARE THOSE POKEY GAYS!" Chi seemed to know who we were as she exclaimed this loud enough for the entire block over to hear us.
"Spiky Lesbians, but yeah. Basically we just protect the world from homophobia. If we detect it, we stop it. Simple as that." Ella sure does make the topic that I as a teen from 2019 could not comprehend, sound simple.
"That's so cool! Well I best be going. Here," Will gestures to my wrist, I'm very confused and so I just reach out my wrist. He grabs it, but not harshly like Derreck, much softer. He rummages through his pocket for something until he pulls out what looks like a Sharpie. He uncaps the pen and starts to write something on my wrist, the sensation of the felt tip hitting the soft skin of my wrist sends a shiver down my spine.
"There you go." he says, admiring his handy work. I gently pull my wrist back and see what he wrote. It's a series of numbers that must be a phone number.
"Thanks?" I meant to say this as a statement but it came out more like a question. Will winks at me as he throws a 'you're welcome' my way and walks the other.
Chi looks between the two of us and then says "He's pretty hot, you should definitely shag that." She says shag in an awful impression of my accent.
"Ha ha very funny. Now me and Alfie here best get going if we want to stop as many homophobes as possible in the span of the next hour." Ella grabs my wrist rather roughly and begins to tug me down the street.

    "You can help us though!" I turn to Chi as Ella continues to drag me. "We could use the help!" This makes Ella stop in her tracks and glare at me.
    "No, I couldn't. I have to get home and try to write my book." Chi exclaims, shaking her head.
    "Please!" I use my puppy dog eyes on both Ella and Chi. Ella is shaking her head, and Chi seems to be giving in.
    "Fine. But that doesn't mean that I am going to wear a fucking cape. I don't do skin tight suits and capes." Ella releases her grip on my arm as I run over to Chi and pull her into a large hug. Chi tries to push me away but I just grip tighter. Eventually she wraps her arms around me and sighs.
    "You're gonna be the death of me kid." I grin and look up at her. I pull away and grab her arm. I pull her with me, although I'm not pulling nearly as hard as Ella did.
   
    We walk around for a couple more hours. Both Chi and I started to get tired about an hour ago and so we ran by a local coffee shop and got coffees. More like Chi went in and got us coffees, I wouldn't be caught dead in a coffee shop in a spandex suit.
    At this point all of our legs are getting tired and it's getting kind of late. There doesn't seem to be any more homophobia in the city today. We decide to run by a gas station so that Ella and I can change, this suit is starting to get really sweaty. Also we're going to go to Sab's diner and I would rather not be in a sweaty supersuit in that hell of an establishment.
    Ella is waiting outside the bathrooms with Chi while I change. It takes me longer than expected to take this stupid suit off, it's sticky and sweaty and I'm just so happy to get it off. I slip on a bright orange oversized sweater and some black skinny jeans. They just happen to be the same jeans that I was wearing when I was transported here. The sweater is actually a woman's sweater, but as the amazing Kurt Hummel says, "Fashion has no gender."
    I quickly wash my hands, I don't care that all I did was change I was still in the bathroom with all the germs, and slip out the door and walk out the door. I give the key to Ella and pick Mrs. Hudson up off the ground.
    After a few minutes it starts getting kind of awkward between Chi and I, so I decide to strike up a conversation.
    "So, why'd you help that boy earlier?" I ask this question timidly, just a little frightened to know the answer.
    "Well why wouldn't I? No one deserves to be treated like that, no less by their own family!" I grin over at her, and I open my mouth to start talking again but it seems that she has more to say. "Also, I'm bi so like, gotta protect my peeps."
    I set Mrs. Hudson back on the ground and give her a hug. When I pull away I decide to just go ahead and say, "Well, I'm gay so there's that."
    She gives me a fake surprised look and says, "No way! I couldn't have guessed!" I know sarcasm when I see it, and that was a healthy plateful of it.
    At this moment Ella walks out in her normal attire, a black flowy shirt tucked into a knee length skirt. Today's has a poodle on it, quite like the stereotypical ones of the 50s.
    "We ready to go bitches?" I fake gasp at Ella's curse.
    "Yeah!" I exclaim, Chi just nods.
    "Then let's go! Off to the diner to see our moms!" Ella exclaims, linking our elbows and sort of dragging us in the direction of the diner, careful to make sure we don't spill our coffees.