Losing Our Battles- A Vikklan, Merome and Poofless Story

⋐Chapter 29 [Vikk]⋑

Vikk's P.O.V.

I felt like an asshole. I knew Lachlan was pretty drugged up when I kissed him, he wasn't in his right mind, so why had I done it? Sure, he had been acting clingy and he had been trying to kiss me himself but I knew he wasn't acting normally, I knew what sorts of effects the drugs could have on him. I wasn't entirely sure if he would even remember the encounter afterwards but I still left, taking the few belongings I had and essentially running away from my problems.

I hadn't wanted to do that, abandon the boy when he needed help the most, but I couldn't stay around when he was healing and I was trying to heal too. He wouldn't be able to get anywhere with me dragging him down and although I wanted to stay with him because honestly, I think I loved him, I couldn't. I couldn't drag Lachlan down just because I didn't have the strength to continue on.

I slept down an alleyway that first night, unable to go anywhere else. I was so scared about everything. I was completely alone with nothing left and I knew that because I was still experiencing withdrawal, my fingers were still trembling and my breathing was very fast and very heavy- I needed to get my hands on a drink. It didn't take that much considering this was partly a college town and it was weekend- I just wandered a little way down the road, found a flat that was throwing a party and walked right in, picking up a beer. If another asked my go to excuse was to say I was here with Sam, which was a generic enough name that no one would ask questions.

By midnight I was flat out drunk, having found some hard liquor in the back and drunk pretty much the whole bottle. I managed to stumble, keeping my meagre belongings together, back to that random alley, bottle of whiskey still in hand, and fell asleep on the cold concrete, thoughts of Lachlan drifting across my broken mind.

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Once again, I wandered aimlessly. Was this how Lachlan felt? Mind completely blank yet teeming with overflowing thoughts that I couldn't express, voices whispering in my ears to continue the drinking, drink until you pass out because there's nothing better for you. There's nothing left for you here.

I almost did it to, I had been wandering around town trying to find another place to drink despite it being only 9 in the morning- but then something stopped me. It was kind of like of a sixth sense if I was honest and suddenly I was dragged away from looking for a drink and back towards the river, back in the direction of Lachlan's house.

And then I saw him.

He was sitting on the river bank, head resting on his knees, eyes staring straight across the water. His blonde hair was a mess, greasy, and even from the side I could see the black bags under his eyes. God, I had only been gone two days. He didn't notice me until I called his name.

"Lachy?"

His head swivelled when I called his name and then his eyes locked with mine, widening in surprise.

"Vi-Vikk?" He stuttered in disbelief, leaning back a bit as I stepped closer. I crouched down beside him, kneeling in the damp grass.

"Yeah, it's me Lachy." I whispered. "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be at home?"

But he didn't answer- instead he flung his arms around me and broke down into heaving sobs, and I knew why at once. He probably didn't remember why I left. I had simply abandoned him when he needed someone the most and didn't know why I had simply vanished, leaving him with no answers. His hands clung tight to my shirt. All I could was hold him, rocking him back and forth slightly as he cried.

When the sobs eventually settled into partially stifled hiccups I pulled his face away from my chest and wiped away the remaining tears with my thumb. I examined his face, red and puffy from cry, drawn from exhaustion. I hadn't want this.

"Oh, lil' Lachy..." I whispered. "Don't cry, don't cry. I don't want you to cry."

"You left!" He wailed, tears falling again. "Why did you leave! I know you kissed me, but I wanted you kiss me!" His eyes were wide and scared and I knew he was simply begging for answers, anything that might reassure him.

"Because you weren't you Lachy. Those drugs... I shouldn't have make you take them, they do something that I can't quite explain and it's obvious that they're far too strong. When I kissed you, you weren't you. You didn't consent and I took advantage of you."

"You didn't!" He started to wail again, but I continued. What I said wasn't true, but I had to say it to reassure him that I hadn't abandoned him- even though it still sounded like I was.

"Listen, Lachy, I need to tell you something." He sniffled, but nodded. "I'm leaving the city. I've found a job somewhere else and maybe this'll be a new start for me. Hopefully I'll be able to find somewhere else to stay, stop the drinking and build my life back up. I can't do that here, and I can't do that with you. You need to began to heal yourself."

Lachlan watched me with wide and silent eyes, still crying. I think there was disbelief sitting there but slowly, hesitantly, he nodded.

"But I still don't want you to go." He whispered, hunching down even more. "I don't want to be alone again."

"You've still got your brother, don't you?" I replied. "Talk to Mitch, explain that the pills don't work or are two strong. Talk to him."

He nodded mutely, sniffling again.

"Kiss me?"

This time I had no problem obliging, because this Lachlan wasn't drugged up. I leaned in, one hand resting on the underside of his chin, and captured his lips on mine, kissing the younger boy gently. He kissed back, but the kiss was still soft and gentle, a much nicer kiss than the first one.

I pulled away and managed to smile, running a thumb along his cheek.

"I'm sorry Lachy, I've got to go." I whispered, and he tried to cling to me.

"Don't go!" He cried, hands grabbing at my shirt. "Please!"

"I'm sorry." I said again, gently untangling his hands from me and standing up. "I have to go."

This time he didn't protest, slumping back onto the lawn and burying his head in his knees once again. It was a sad and painful sight to walk away from, but I had to. I couldn't stay. I couldn't.

"I love you Lachy." I called, as I walked away. "Remember that."

He didn't look up, but his shoulders were shaking. He was crying again- and that was the last image I had of the boy, and my heart ached for him.

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The only thing I could do was drink, drinking to forget the boy I had just abandoned, young, alone and scared. The only reassurance I had was that he had Mitch so wasn't completely alone like I was, and if he did as I suggested then he would get some help- some real help. By the end of that day, I was still wandering the streets. It was past midnight and I was essentially black out drunk, even though I was still walking, although it wasn't long before I collapsed.

I was in a park, I think, but there was one place I recognised right before passing out. I was wandering that path where I first met Lachlan and, whether by fate or not, I collapsed where I first found the shivering boy, just off the path in the grass.

The last thing I saw was the stars, high above me, sparkling and twinkling. Maybe I would be among them soon. That was a comforting thought, as I drifted off into an internal and peaceful sleep.