If Priestess Kikyo hadn't told me herself who the home belonged to, I would have never guessed it to be hers.
But not because of scent--at this point, her essence imprinted on my memory, I would have been able to tell her living quarters apart from the whole village, blindfolded. However, judging from the appearance of it alone--going off of nothing else--I wouldn't have guessed it.
It was just so...
Humble, for lack of a better word. So ordinary; so average.
It looked quite like any other home in the village.
Same small, claustrophobia-inducing size.
Same wooden roof; same wooden floorboards; same wooden walls.
The living space was pitifully easy to destruct, pitifully easy to tear down. And whereas I hadn't formerly giving a moment of thought to where Kikyo lived, I now felt more than an inkling of unease at my perceived lack of safety in her dwelling-place. A woman like her, possessing an object of such great power--
Well. She was practically ensured to have enemies.
"How can you sleep in a place like this?" I blurted out, giving one of the walls a knock as I pressed my ear up against it. "Being human like you are, how can you feel safe?"
If Lady Kikyo heard me--which, considering my loudness and the very limited space afforded by the structure, seemed highly plausible--she didn't answer. She was busy unraveling strips of bandages while Kaede gathered various medicinal plants and already-made ointments.
"Kaede," Lady Kikyo said. It wasn't particularly loud--unlike my voice, hers was seemingly always even and calm--but her younger sister snapped to attention, eager to please the older sister she so admired. "Please, prepare a stronger ointment. I don't think those will be enough this time."
Kaede instantly got to work, picking out certain herbs for the mix and dropping them into what looked like a stone bowl.
I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy at the healthiness of their relationship when I compared it to my own relationship with Sesshomaru. Perhaps Lady Kikyo possessed more power than Kaede ever would, just like Sesshomaru, being a full-demon as he was, possessed more power than I ever would alone; and yet Lady Kikyo did not abuse her power. Instead of using it for selfish reasons, like my older brother, Kikyo used her power in the service of others. It was admirable.
"You have such a nice relationship," I said. It embarrassed me to say it--to say something nice in an honest way, devoid of jokes or teases--because I felt more emotionally vulnerable, and thus weaker in her eyes. Some part of me felt that such weakness would render me less sexually and romantically attractive to her, if indeed she felt any attraction toward me; and yet, I also knew it to be the case that many women complained of their husbands not being emotionally vulnerable enough.
I was out on a limb here, honestly.
"Thank you," she said, turning to give me a genuine smile. I tried studying it, but I got nothing. I gave her a nod before looking away again, thinking.
I couldn't understand how she felt about me. I wanted to understand.
I mean, I knew logically that statistically it was most likely that she would only ever experience platonic feelings for me. That is, non-sexual, non-romantic feelings. If that was the case, which I was beginning to dread it was, then it would just be another lost gamble. Another game of risk that ultimately did not take me to where I wanted to be. Not that failure had ever stopped me from trying again.
