Trapped

chapter 15

Chapter 15

               It’s been nineteen days in all. Fourteen days since we found out what happened to the city. It’s been the same routine for fourteen days.

               Wake up.

               Eat.

               Sleep.

               Wake up.      Eat.       Sleep.

               Wake up. Eat. Sleep.

              Wakeup.eat.sleep.wakeup.eat.sleep.wakeup.eat.sleep.

              The same thing for fourteen days. I repeated the story my mother told to me and my brother to the twelve of us that are left. It didn’t sit very well with them… We created a new rule. We don’t do anything unless the whole entire group agrees to. After my strange memory thingy, I wanted to leave and explore the city the next day. But there were only three of us that wanted that (me, Ari, Sam) I figured that we showed those city dwellers what we’re made of when we wiped out that other group, so the other gangs would think twice about trying to mess with us again. But not all of us think the same thing. Most of the others want to stay here for as long as we possibly can. But the food is running out. And I’m itching to leave. We’ve been trying to ration our food but that can only go so far. The fridge in which the food is stored has been reduced to only a fraction of what it was when we woke up here from the start.

              Ever since the food began to dwindle more and more people raised their hands when we vote in favor of leaving. So far we have about two-thirds of our little group on our side. I have a feeling that tonight all hands will go up. Of course I understand where all the people that want to stay are coming from. I mean we had pretty gruesome result the last time we went out exploring. I can still see the cold dead eyes of Ben and the six others we lost staring up at me.

             Currently I am sitting cross legged with the rest of my companions in a circle so that we can all see each other. It is time to vote. My foot has been tapping uncontrollably ever since we sat down.

            “Ok everyone.” Sam began, “Time to vote.” He has been giving me space lately, more space than necessary. I was pretty broken up when I first found out about my family. Why should I be alive while they’re dead? What makes my life more important than theirs? I still find these questions swirling around in my head from time to time but I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t have the answers to my questions, and I’m not the only one. That’s the main reason I want to go into the city, to see if I can find the answers I’ve been searching for this entire time.

           “Raise your hand if you want to leave this place and go into the city.” My hand was the very first one up, and then followed by Sam then Ari then Seth and the whole rest of the group! I was bouncing up and down as I scanned the faces of the people around me. I will finally be able to begin my search for answers- no….. There was one person that didn’t have their hand up…… a petite girl with fiery red hair and a healing scar marking her pale throat. Anna. The girl the crazy man had almost killed.

         I wonder if the pieces of my shattered heart could be heard clattering into the abyss of disappointment and sadness that had just opened up inside of me……

            One person. Just one little hand needed to go up and then I could escape this cage and fly away. But no. her slim pale hand was resting defiantly in her lap. Not in the air where it should be. Of course I could understand why she didn’t want to leave our shelter; she was almost killed the last time we decided to venture out.

            I nudge Sam with my elbow. “It’s only one person…” I whisper.

           “I know.” He answers.

            “So what’s the verdict oh great and powerful leader?”

             “Why do you insist on calling me that?” he’s stalling.

             “Quit stalling.” I say blatantly.

              He heaves out a long tired sigh before saying, “I told them that we wouldn’t go unless everyone wanted to.”

              I sit there. Technically I am part of this group but I don’t feel like it. People are still scared of me and maybe they should be. Hell, I’m afraid of myself. I killed those people so mercifully. Every night I see the looks of terror on their faces as I lay awake at night. I was so overcome by my rage that I couldn’t see that I was killing real live people. People with a heartbeat. They were living things with feelings and I killed them without even blinking.

              I feel hot tears beginning to prick at the backs of my eyes so I stand up, turn on my heel and walk out the door. I’ve wandered these halls countless times, looking for something, anything, everything. I don’t actually know what I’m looking for.

             My tears have left my vision blurry so I stumble through these halls not really caring where I end up. I just keep going. I don’t care that my boots are thumping louder than my erratic heartbeat pounding in my ears and I don’t mind the hot tears running down my cheeks. I wonder why I care so much. Why do I need these answers so desperately? Why do I want to escape so badly?

            I don’t know.

            I don’t know.

            I don’t know.

            It seems like I don’t know anything anymore.

            My knees collapse and I fall to the ground sobbing. My throat is hurting from all the crying and my knuckles ache from digging into the hard tile floor.

            I’m so pathetic.

           What is wrong with me?

           Snap out of it!

           I breathe slowly in and out to stop the heaving sobs, I scrub my cheeks clean of tears, and I stand up with a straight spine and squared shoulders.

           I am not pathetic.

          I am strong.

        I am not trapped.

        I can escape.